2. Is it sad that I’m a little embarrassed to buy stuff in Victoria’s Secret? I worry when I slide my sexy lingerie at the cashier to purchase that she’ll know that I’m buying it for when I have sex with my husband. But I can’t very well say, “It’s not for what you think. I wear this when I do dishes.” Then I worry that she’s thinking, “Poor lass. She seriously thinks she can pull this off with her chunky thighs.”
3. Is it sad that I can’t stop laughing whenever I try Yoga? I’ve attempted to take it seriously but I can’t. I always worry when I bend over that I’m going to fart. Or if I don’t fart then somebody else will and I’ll be the only one laughing about it because everyone else will be in some tranquil state that I can’t seem to master.
4. Is it sad that I’m so excited for when Lost comes back tomorrow? I love that show.
5. Is it sad that my daughter has more shoes than me?
6. Is it sad that I ate an entire package of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups? In my defense, it wasn’t all in one sitting.
7. Is it sad that I refuse to do the nasty with my husband after he’s just made a number two?
8. Is it sad that I cursed the state of Wyoming for doing this to my car? (It took off this rubber thing on the top. Not sure what the real term is, I don't speak car.) Well, technically it was their high winds but still. I was in the middle of screaming, “Stupid f-ing state!” when my neighbor walked outside. I apologized for the curse and he chuckled and went, “No problem. I’m not a fan of Wyoming either. One of my tools was blown away and I’m still pissed about it.”
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I've been to Wyoming a few times and was AMAZED at the force of the winds out there.
ReplyDeleteAnd it grosses me out to have sex with my husband after he goes #2 also. Yuck!
It is definitely sad that your daughter has more shoes than you. ;)
ReplyDeleteWow, I've never thought about the toilet one before, but I will now!!
ReplyDeleteThe Reese Cups are my biggest concern for you. :D Great post. The shoes bowl me over. She is definitely a fashionista!
ReplyDeleteha ha....my friend and i got kicked out of yoga one time b/c of that very thing...i couldn't stop laughing ....and she couldn't quit laughing at me! oh well... :o)
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about the toilet bowl thing. How can you get in the mood when you know what he was just doing?
ReplyDeleteNot sad at all. Funny, but not sad.
ReplyDeletenope not sad at all. I feel ya!
ReplyDeleteIt's a little sad that your daughter has more shoes then you. I think you should make up for that!
ReplyDeleteLove the paint job you did over your address! But, how will the mail man ever know it's you now?? LOL!
I just polished off a bag of peanut butter cups too. I think it took three days. Oops. :)
ReplyDeleteUm, I've never even been inside a Victoria's Secret. I think that's sad.
ReplyDeleteLOST! SO EXCITED!
Thanks you for making me feel very very normal.
ReplyDeletetotally not sad!!! I honestly cannot kiss my husband after he's done #2, for at least an hour (or until the smell goes away) yuck.
ReplyDeleteand lol, I think your daughter has more shoes than me too!!
totally not sad!!! I honestly cannot kiss my husband after he's done #2, for at least an hour (or until the smell goes away) yuck.
ReplyDeleteand lol, I think your daughter has more shoes than me too!!
I always feel awkward in Victoria's Secret too! Probably because I'm not skinny and I feel like everyone is staring at me.
ReplyDeleteI'm sad your daughter has more shoes than me too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sad you are able to put nice frames around your picture posts and I don't know how
Mmmmm...Reece's peanut butter hearts. I remember nothing else about this post.
ReplyDeleteAmber, I love reading your blogs! They make my day:)
ReplyDeleteNat has more shoes than you??????.....you better run for the Payless BYGO sale girl....sad my friend...VERY SAD!
ReplyDeleteI have 65 pairs of shoes(and no I didn't take the time out of my ever so busy day to count them....nope sure didn't!)
Nope, I don't think its sad, just normal.
ReplyDeleteI can't do yoga either. It makes me laugh.
ReplyDeleteIt might be sad. . . but it sure is funny! Thanks for the chuckle!
ReplyDeleteI have many of these similar problems, so if it's sad for you, I'm sad too. Graceful, I'm not, fashionable...not even close. I usually go with a friend to Victoria's Secret, and then I make sure to make little comments (a little louder than necessary) about I wonder if so and so is going to like this for her Bridal shower...makes me feel better, and less conspicuous. My husband is from Wyoming, and I would just as soon never visit, if not for the inlaws. Mmmm peanut butter cups...
ReplyDeleteYou might be a little sad...but you got a comment from someone in ANOTHER language??!! That is AWESOME. Print screen that baby.
ReplyDeleteHey! We all have our funny idiosyncracies(not sure how you spell that one)but you shouldn't be sad. These are the things that make you unique!
ReplyDeleteThink about all of your other good points - the stuff that makes you awesome?
You won't die if you fart during yoga(I assure you - I know). I've made good friends with the girls who laughed at me in the class when it happened. We still giggle about it.
We're all human.
The the woman behind the Victoria Sercret counter probably has more dimples on her thighs than you and I put together. Maybe she doesn't have any sex whatsoever. Maybe she only had a rubber friend that she keeps under the pillow instead or a blow up doll with real pubic hair.
Point is...there will always be someone else out there with more and bigger issues than you.
You're great just the way you are. Don't be so hard on yourself!
Hahaha! You are hilarious, I would love to be that VS check out girl who you try to tell that you wear the lingerie while doing the dishes! LOL You kill me!
ReplyDeleteNow you just need to do it in heels!
I don't even walk into vickies anymore. Because last time I did I asked "Don't you have any normal underwear?" and the girl looked at me like I was crazy.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just got done eating the last candy bar in the box of candy bars I was suppose sell my daughter's preschool...oops!
Oh and BTW did you check out the new gymbo line. OMG I am in love and in BIG trouble! I am lovin it!
Is it sad? Not so much. It's freaking hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on number seven. For Real. I only buy bras at Vicki's and that's only when they're on sale. But I have big boobs so I don't feel weird buying them. Just sad for people with small boobs.
ReplyDeleteAnd is it sad that sometimes I buy Reese Peanut Butter Cups and hide them from my family so that I can dole them out and be sure I get the last one??
♥Spot
I am so glad I found your blog because you always make me laugh - and I can always relate to what you are writing about!
ReplyDeleteI can TOTALLY relate to #6 & #7, but girl you gotta buy some high heels AND some Victoria's Secret and ROCK IT when your husband gets home. He'll be so happy that you'll be able to order all the UPS stuff you want for a months!
if any of those are sad than i must be a sad person too. My kids all have more shoes than me and I am the only woman in the house. NOw that is SAD!
ReplyDeleteI don't think its bad that you ate the whole package of Reese's. I'm upset that you didn't share! lol Their my fav!
ReplyDelete1. No. Get her trained right and then you can be a pageant momma and cry in the crowd like a blubbering fool like I did. My daughter totally outclasses me any day of the week.
ReplyDelete2. I don't even go into VS because they would know I'm looking for naughty stuff
3. Yoga farts scare me too
4. Yes it is sad, but since I get excited over lame TV shows you get a pass. Who am I to judge?
5. Yes, you really need to amp up your shoe collection you know since you're not changing sizes every three months?
6. We know, it was in TWO sittings. We've been there and you understand perfectly why there are Lay's chip crumbs in my bra.
7. I thought it was mandatory for men to shower before asking for favors! EW! We've seen their laundry - nuff said.
8. Let's annex Wyoming to Canada!
I say it's not sad at all. On any of them. First of all, kids can do nearly everything better than us...it's part of what makes me wish to be a kid again.
ReplyDeleteand ESPECIALLY number 7...heck to the no. Silly men, thinking it doesn't matter.
She has a whole lot of shoes! You need to take a gay friend with you to Vicki Secrets, that always makes everything better. :)
ReplyDeleteI love LOST! I do a little happy dance in my seat every time I see the commercial.
ReplyDelete*yes I am total dork!*
Nothing is sad about these things...agreed!!!
ReplyDeleteHah! Great post (as usual). I bought two bags of chocolate candy to take to work. Ate 'em both. And my favorite breakfast is a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (or two) with a banana.
ReplyDeleteIs it sad that I teach yoga and still sometimes giggle about it like you do???
ReplyDeletetoo funny.
ReplyDeleteI think I peed a little when i read the victoria secret one.
:) I just had to tell you that you are now at the top of my "must reads". Whenever I see a new post on your site, I am eagerly clicking over, ready to be amused.
ReplyDeleteNo pressure.
;)
Wow, I didn't realize Wyoming was so windy, but I guess it makes sense. Your rolling plains make it difficult to cut the breeze (not the cheese).
ReplyDeleteIt's not sad. It's perfectly normal. Right?
ReplyDeleteMmmmm Reece's....
ReplyDeleteI love that picture of Natalie! It's so Us magazine. She's shaping up to be quite a diva!!! You definitely need to buy new shoes, or wait until Natalie is wearing the same size as you and steal them. And as for the VS problem- just ask if they sell rubber gloves (for washing up, obviously, although she doesn't need to know that ;P) while the cashier is putting your underwear through. That'll distract her. And yoga? I always seem to fall asleep before I fart. Quite possibly I fart while sleeping...
ReplyDeleteNo, it's not sad...I can't wear heels, either. But what a cute photo!
ReplyDeleteI am cracking up laughing. I had the same thought today when I was doing yoga today. Luckily I was doing it in the privacy of my own home so if it happened (which it didn't) it would be okay.
ReplyDeleteSo Sad...so funny:)
ReplyDeletei won't even do the nasty after I'VE done the number two.. hehe!
ReplyDeletesorry.. TMI???
I literally almost choked on my apple juice when I read what you wrote about doing the nasty after your husband goes #2!!
ReplyDeleteJust the other night, I was feeling romantic (for a change) and my husband said he'd join me in the bedroom in a few minutes. Okay, I could totally hear him ripping farts and stuff falling into the toilet while he was in the bathroom...TMI, probably, but I had to paint the picture for you. Needless to say, I left the room and went back downstairs to watch tv. He was completely puzzled. How on earth could he think I'd want to have sex with him after hearing THAT?!
I literally almost choked on my apple juice when I read what you wrote about doing the nasty after your husband goes #2!!
ReplyDeleteJust the other night, I was feeling romantic (for a change) and my husband said he'd join me in the bedroom in a few minutes. Okay, I could totally hear him ripping farts and stuff falling into the toilet while he was in the bathroom...TMI, probably, but I had to paint the picture for you. Needless to say, I left the room and went back downstairs to watch tv. He was completely puzzled. How on earth could he think I'd want to have sex with him after hearing THAT?!
Um, so I used to work at VS, so that one's moot for me...
ReplyDeleteand I heart yoga.
but LOST makes up for it all. Nothing sad about counting down the hours to that!
just found your blog thanks to Tammys 2 cents, and love it, I too am rather sad..I only just bought a pair of high heels after 5 years without and my 6 year old walks better in them than me, and the nasty -- oh darling, so very true!
ReplyDeleteAll the best, Coryanne
http://housewifebliss.blogspot.com/
Nope, I don't think you're sad at all. I'm feeling your pain! Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a great comment. Hope you're having a great day. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's not sad at all!
ReplyDeleteNumber seven, I am in TOTAL agreement sister. No way in hell.....
ReplyDeleteWho wants to do the nasty with a fresh pooper? You're a smart woman! I know what you're saying about Victoria's Secret too. I feel the same way!!
ReplyDeleteToo funny! I gave up on Lost. I missed a couple episodes last season and just didn't feel like catching up. I have given up on reeses peanut butter cups :-)
ReplyDeleteI <3 Lost too! Oh...and add Reeses cups to my <3 list. :)
ReplyDeletea great post....and I get a little emabarrased at VS too....Happy SITS day!
ReplyDeleteWell...maybe some of those are a little sad. But they're all shared sad! The toilet thing made me laugh, it bugs me, too. I even make my husband brush his teeth before he kisses me if he has just had seafood, licorice, or coffee. Bleagh.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter,no matter how young or old, should NEVER own more shoes than you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe VS one is sad, I don't speak car is great, and I love LOST too.
ReplyDeleteWhat a cute picture of your little one!! Don't worry - yours might have more shoes than you, but mine has more clothes than I ever will!!
ReplyDelete~WM
If the Vicky's Secret girls read your blog (and by all means, they really should), then when you slide over the lacy undies with your credit card they can think of you having sex with your husband after waiting an appropriate amount of time after #2. What is the latency period after #2 for you? Because technically, it's ALWAYS after #2, you know? And if you want to form a support group for Birkenstock-wearing moms who can't walk in high heels who have preschoolers who can run around in plastic backless princess dress-up heels, you can count on my membership. Great post. Also, I've never before commented by referencing... #2, but I clearly reveled in doing so this time. Thanks for the opportunity.
ReplyDeleteThat toilet paper holder thingy is pretty cool! :)
ReplyDeleteToo funny! None sad, funny though.
ReplyDeleteMary
Not sad, pretty normal!
ReplyDelete