Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Surprise Pamphlet

So I went to check the mail yesterday. Is it sad that I was relishing in my brief bit of alone time? The kids were in the house with Tom. It was like the second I stepped outside the sun shined a little brighter, the trees were a little greener—it was almost like the world was singing, “She’s free! She’s free!”

My son is on Spring Break this week. This means there has been extra fighting, yelling, screaming,’s like our home is a frat house. Only without the booze and the people chanting, “Toga, toga, toga.” So could you BLAME me for enjoying my few minutes of quiet? I moved in slow motion. I took one step at a time. For once no one was screaming at me. For once I didn’t have someone jumping on top of me while screaming, “WRESTLING!” For once I—

“Hi Tommy’s Mom.”

Huh? What? Why did I hear a child’s voice? There were no children allowed in my brief Silence Time.

“Shh,” I said, putting my fingers to my lips.

“But I just—”

“It’s Silence Time,” I explained, moving towards my mailbox. The little girl would understand when she was a mother.

I brought my key out for the mailbox. I stuck it in the slot. I turned the key.

Ahhh. It was so quiet. Well, maybe not exactly. There was an extremely loud airplane flying overhead but that’s to be expected when you live on an Air Force Base. I sort of wanted to yell, “Shut up! It’s my SILENCE TIME!”

When I peeked in my box I saw a package.

My heart lifted.

I knew what it was. The eBay dress that I won for Natalie. And yes, she has a lot of dresses but this is a special dress. Plus I got it for a fantastic deal. It would have been a crime NOT to bid on it.

I also got two bills, coupons for pizza (mmmm pizza), and an ad from Target.

I wanted to plop down on the curb and flip through the Target ad to lengthen my Silence Time. But suppose Tom stuck his head out the front door and saw his wife casually flipping through the mail? He’d be all, “WTF? Get IN here! One of the kids have climbed up on the entertainment center and won’t come down.” (This happened yet but I wouldn’t put it past my kids.)

I had to get back. But bonus! At least I would get to see the beautiful dress that I won.

When I got to my front door I took a deep breath. I stuck the package up my jacket so Tom wouldn’t see. Trust me, it’s easier that way. Otherwise I have to go through a lecture on how Natalie has enough clothes and how she’d never be able to wear them all which is untrue, she’ll be able to wear all her clothes, I’ll make sure of that.

I placed my palm on the handle.

Goodbye quiet. I shall see you again when the kids go to bed...

I stepped inside and....


Natalie was running around with no pants shrieking and Tommy was flipping out because he forgot where he put his Bakugan.

“It’s on the dining room table!” I screamed over the noise. I almost tripped over Natalie’s creepy doll that makes noises when you pass it.

I headed into the kitchen and pulled the package from my jacket.

I tore it open.

Ahhh. There was the dress. Natalie had it last year and I loved it so much that I had to get it again:

I freed the dress from the plastic bag and....

....Jesus stared back up at me.


I have never received a pamphlet about Jesus in my eBay stuff before. Not that I totally mind. I’m down with Jesus.

I was thumbing through the pamphlet when Tom came in. He noticed the dress on the counter.

“Amber! Did you get Natalie another dress? She already has enough and—why are you reading a book on Jesus?” Tom wondered.

I shrugged and set the pamphlet down. The part about Jesus dying was totally spoiling my excitement over the new dress. “The seller sent it to me with the dress. I guess she was thinking that I'd like some Jesus with my clothes."

“Huh, weird,” Tom said.

But look, isn’t the dress adorable?

I think Jesus would agree that it is.


  1. She looks adorable! Just beautiful.

  2. Hilarious! You are funny. And silence is golden. I cherish those quiet moments. The dress is adorable and I agree - Jesus would definitely approve!

  3. This was just too funny! "I'm down with Jesus" has got to be one of the funniest lines I've read! And the dress...Yes, absolutely adorable!

  4. i love that dress.
    LOVE it.
    and how about a little Jesus with your clothes?!
    that's a little...odd. :p

  5. Guess the Latter Day Saints aren't just going door to door anymore- they've invaded eBay!

  6. Adorable dress! I do that too with some things the kids look really cute in or last a really long time, I'll search for the next sizes to get stocked up.

    Jesus approved dress. You can't lose. :)

  7. Jesus and I both agree on this adorable dress.

  8. I love that line from Janie and Jack! I am trying to find that dress on ebay right now in size 18-24. So cute!!

  9. I love the dress! I'm working on adding patchwork dresses to my store. =] I had a girl in high school who would drop Jesus pamphlets around the school for people she wanted to save. Weird, but whatever!

  10. Love, love, love that dress! And apparently, Jesus does too.

  11. The dress is gorgeous! :) And yes...I relish the few seconds of quiet I get when I check the mail. I even check it on Sundays, just to get out of the house a bit. lol

  12. That dress is SOOOOO cute! I totally would have bought it too! And wowzer, that's quite a deal when you get a free Jesus book along with it!

  13. Nice score on the eBay bling! Of course noone looks cuter than Miss Natalie, so good for you!

  14. I will never understand why men think that we have too many clothes. My husband survives on 7 shirts and 7 pairs of pants and rotates them. He thinks our daughter should be able to do the same. Ugh! I, too, make sure that each outfit is worn at least once before its outgrown :)

    Love the dress and Jesus would approve. Totally!

  15. So worth a lecture! That dress is adorable!

    As for the pamphlet.. ummm... odd. To say the least.

  16. It is a cute dress and I do think it's Jesus approved.

    I have to hide stuff too. Like when I go to Walgreens for perscriptions, I always have to hide the makeup I bought in my purse of James will get mad. :)

  17. Very adorable dress and I'm pretty sure Jesus does agree.

  18. So stinkin' cute, and yep, I'm sure Jesus would agree with you!

  19. You could be ME! I get the mail like that too and I swear I can hear my girls inside yelling, "Where's Mommeeeeeeeee?"

    You know what? I think I should petition the Post Office for Sunday Mail Delivery.

    She TOTALLY needed that dress.

  20. WWJD? Buy stuff from eBay, that's what. :)

  21. Oh I LOVE that style! And the pic of your daughter is adorable in it!
    I feel like that sometimes too... need some away time from home. My husband used to make me feel guilty for going to my play practice or sewing group... but for crying out loud, the kids are 10 and above now! What else do they need me at home 100% of the time for except to feed and drive them places??
    I hear you sister!

  22. WWJKW: What Would Jesus' Kids Wear?

  23. That is a little weird that they sent the pamphlet with the dress. I love the dress.

  24. First off, that dress is adorable! I love it!! Secondly, OMG!!! I can't believe the nerve. I'm quite sure Jesus would disapprove!

  25. Love the picture, she looks so sweet! I'm glad you got a little quiet time, even if it was slightly interrupted by an airplane.

  26. Amber, the dress is adorable. But you should have told Tom that Jesus sent you the dress for Natalie. How could anyone argue with that? I mean, it's almost Easter and miracles obviously do happen! Sorry about the loss of quiet time! But hey! Maybe Jesus can arrange that too!

  27. Finding a little white paper saying, "Dress Inspected By Jesus" would have been a bit freaky.


    If Jesus approved, I have to say I agree with his taste. That is a lovely outfit on your little hellion.

  28. Wow.

    Jesus and a dress.

    I mean, I guess it's Easter...?

  29. He totally would. Jesus loves blue. 's why Mary always wore it. . .

  30. "...thinking I'd like some Jesus with my clothes." LOL

    I think I have actually had that sort of thing happen with ebay before.

  31. I know I have been sewing my handbasket for a few years now...but I will save room in mine for you if you need it. The line about Jesus dying spoiling your excitement...snicker snicker, yup I am going to "heck" and my handbasket is almost ready.

  32. Well, I've gotten worse ads than those promoting religion.

  33. that dress TOTALLY rocks.. so cute!

  34. The dress is absolutely adorable.

    When I worked at the bookstore I would find thos pamphlets on the shelves sometimes when I was straightening. It weirded me out. It was like secret agents of christianity put them there.


  35. Wow, Jesus and fashion all in the same package. I think you're right that he'd agree that the dress is adorable.

  36. Maybe you could pick up your mail via a walk around the block? Or be gone for about 20 minutes and tell Tom that you got lost? Would he buy it? NO? Sheesh!

    The dress is cute even if it did come with a lecture.

  37. When mine was smaller her dad and I would vie to go out and buy milk. And I've made that walk to the mailbox feel like a vacation too. Like I'm Julie Andrews spinning around on the mountaintop. You should have just shown Tom that picture of your little girl . I'd buy every size available. But good thing you go the Jesus pamphlet instead of me. That wouldn't have gone over smoothly.


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