The Surprise Pamphlet

So I went to check the mail yesterday. Is it sad that I was relishing in my brief bit of alone time? The kids were in the house with Tom. It was like the second I stepped outside the sun shined a little brighter, the trees were a little greener—it was almost like the world was singing, “She’s free! She’s free!”

My son is on Spring Break this week. This means there has been extra fighting, yelling, screaming, crying....it’s like our home is a frat house. Only without the booze and the people chanting, “Toga, toga, toga.” So could you BLAME me for enjoying my few minutes of quiet? I moved in slow motion. I took one step at a time. For once no one was screaming at me. For once I didn’t have someone jumping on top of me while screaming, “WRESTLING!” For once I—

“Hi Tommy’s Mom.”

Huh? What? Why did I hear a child’s voice? There were no children allowed in my brief Silence Time.

“Shh,” I said, putting my fingers to my lips.

“But I just—”

“It’s Silence Time,” I explained, moving towards my mailbox. The little girl would understand when she was a mother.

I brought my key out for the mailbox. I stuck it in the slot. I turned the key.

Ahhh. It was so quiet. Well, maybe not exactly. There was an extremely loud airplane flying overhead but that’s to be expected when you live on an Air Force Base. I sort of wanted to yell, “Shut up! It’s my SILENCE TIME!”

When I peeked in my box I saw a package.

My heart lifted.

I knew what it was. The eBay dress that I won for Natalie. And yes, she has a lot of dresses but this is a special dress. Plus I got it for a fantastic deal. It would have been a crime NOT to bid on it.

I also got two bills, coupons for pizza (mmmm pizza), and an ad from Target.

I wanted to plop down on the curb and flip through the Target ad to lengthen my Silence Time. But suppose Tom stuck his head out the front door and saw his wife casually flipping through the mail? He’d be all, “WTF? Get IN here! One of the kids have climbed up on the entertainment center and won’t come down.” (This happened yet but I wouldn’t put it past my kids.)

I had to get back. But bonus! At least I would get to see the beautiful dress that I won.

When I got to my front door I took a deep breath. I stuck the package up my jacket so Tom wouldn’t see. Trust me, it’s easier that way. Otherwise I have to go through a lecture on how Natalie has enough clothes and how she’d never be able to wear them all which is untrue, she’ll be able to wear all her clothes, I’ll make sure of that.

I placed my palm on the handle.

Goodbye quiet. I shall see you again when the kids go to bed...

I stepped inside and....

Chaos.

Natalie was running around with no pants shrieking and Tommy was flipping out because he forgot where he put his Bakugan.

“It’s on the dining room table!” I screamed over the noise. I almost tripped over Natalie’s creepy doll that makes noises when you pass it.

I headed into the kitchen and pulled the package from my jacket.

I tore it open.

Ahhh. There was the dress. Natalie had it last year and I loved it so much that I had to get it again:





I freed the dress from the plastic bag and....



....Jesus stared back up at me.

Seriously.

I have never received a pamphlet about Jesus in my eBay stuff before. Not that I totally mind. I’m down with Jesus.

I was thumbing through the pamphlet when Tom came in. He noticed the dress on the counter.

“Amber! Did you get Natalie another dress? She already has enough and—why are you reading a book on Jesus?” Tom wondered.

I shrugged and set the pamphlet down. The part about Jesus dying was totally spoiling my excitement over the new dress. “The seller sent it to me with the dress. I guess she was thinking that I'd like some Jesus with my clothes."

“Huh, weird,” Tom said.

But look, isn’t the dress adorable?



I think Jesus would agree that it is.