“So let me get this straight,” Tom said as he eyed my sleeping bag. “You’re going...CAMPING?”
Why was it so difficult for him to comprehend? Yes, I was camping. Big deal. So why was Tom staring at me like I had one of those goblins from Labyrinth on my head?
“I love to camp,” I said, stuffing a bag full of camping stuff. You know, things like a lantern, games, caffeine, my iPod Touch...(what? This is modern day camping. Kudos to the people who can set up in a mountain and turn off technology and can live off the land. I am not one of those people.)
“You just...don’t look like a camping person to me,” Tom admitted. “Your idea of roughing it is going without hot water.”
Hey. I can camp! I can totally be a camper. I’m down with sleeping on the floor.
“Plus, you freaked out over a moth the other day. There will be lots of moths when you camp,” Tom reminded me.
Okay, I did freak out over a moth but it was HUGE. And it kept fixing its beady eyes at me as though it had a sinister plan. I think everyone would have been wary of a moth like that. And if I encounter one while camping, well, isn’t that what bug spray is for? And if all else fails, can’t I shout for a fellow camper to come get it for me?
“There also could be bees,” Tom rambled on.
Ew. I do not like bees. I’ve been known to streak across our yard screaming, “BEEEEE!! BEEEEEEEE!” Look, I’ve been stung before and it wasn’t fun. So when a bee approaches, my natural reaction is to run. I can’t help it. They love to torment me.
“Everything will be great,” I told Tom. I mean, how hard could camping be? My friend Amanda and I decided to go to the camping spot on the base on Saturday. Mainly so we can get some peace and quiet. It’s sad that we have to camp to get that but oh well. We plan on playing games all night. Oh, and eat. My bag is stuffed with all sorts of snacks. Chips, cookies, cream soda....
“It’s supposed to rain,” Tom said. Ugh, he was starting to kill my camping buzz. He was probably trying to talk me out of it so he wasn’t stuck with the children.
“That’s what tents are for,” I sang, checking out my sleeping bag. It was still in it’s package, never opened. I had bought it thinking that one day I’d totally camp. Of course that was a couple years ago but still.
“Do you know how to set up the tent?” Tom asked.
Er. Okay look, putting things together is not my forte. I try to put together toys for the kids and usually wind up in tears. Like once Tommy asked me to transform his Transformer back into the car and I couldn’t do it. I followed the instructions but when I was finished, two pieces had broken off and the Transformer looked like a plastic blob.
“Amanda knows how,” I said. It was her tent we were camping in.
“You know they say it’s haunted down there. Sometimes while on post we get calls about a girl screaming and no one finds a thing,” Tom explained.
A GHOST? I’d be sleeping with a SCREAMING GHOST?
“Everything will be great,” I said again, but my voice faltered a bit. A screaming GHOST? What if she screamed in my ear and woke me up? I don’t take kindly to people waking me up, alive or not.
“Good luck then,” Tom said, shrugging.
“Thank you. Everything will be great,” I repeated, with a sharp nod of my head.
Right?
Friday, June 11, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
How funny! Just sounds like he doesn't want you to leave him with the kids. My hubby would have a similar convo with me if I were leaving him with ours!! Camping rocks! I'm one of those who can totally rough it! Good luck and have fun.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I bet he just made up the part about the ghost. I hope so for your sake though :-)
ReplyDeleteYea, I'd say Tom is just chicken about being head of the house. I say you give all that trash talk right back to him!
ReplyDeleteAmber -
ReplyDeleteYou will have a blast, think of the adventures you will have. :) My ex was stationed out at Warren AFB 1988-1992, same job as your hubby, law enforcement...I remember him telling me the ghost stories too. Apparently there are ghosts in the basement of the armory too.
Love your blog by the way! Been lurking about for a bit now ;) creepy huh?!
Not only is he a total buzz kill he's a scaredy cat. I mean really. How much harm can come to the household if you're gone for a mere overnight trip? Oh, um, never mind that part.
ReplyDeleteKudos for you and Amanda going camping. I'm totally not the camping gal. Sounded to me like Tom didn't want you to leave.
ReplyDeleteYou can totally go camping. I'm sure there are MP's or park rangers or something to keep an eye on campers. We are going camping this weekend and I'm a total wuss. Don't forget bug spray and sunscreen and iPod of course. The tent should have directions too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure he was just making stuff up so you'd stay home with the kids. Put your big girl panties on and show him how tuff you are.
Everything will be fine! he just doesn't want to stay with the kids. Enjoy camping!
ReplyDeleteAMBER! DAR-ling! He's just trying to psych you out! He doesn't want to parent solo when you're gone.
ReplyDeleteIt really sounds like fun-- and you should go and have a great time!
Then you blog about it so we get to hear how it went! Enjoy!
L.
You know something - and don't take this the wrong way - every time I see in my reader that you have posted something new, I cringe. Because I think, "Can I really spend three minutes reading that? It's going to be long!". But I am hooked by the third sentence EVERY SINGLE TIME! I love it. :) And some of them aren't long at all. Yer good!
ReplyDeleteOoh, I have a feeling we're going to get some great stories out of your camping trip!
ReplyDeleteWay to be supportive, dh!
ReplyDeleteI hope that you have fun.
Ugh! Moths! I don't mind spiders, but moths I can't stand, mostly because, just after the birth of one of my kids, I was stuck in a toilet cubicle (you know how it is after the birth ...) with about ten of these great monster moths flitting around my head and I had to shout for a nurse. Not one of my finest moments. Mothments.
ReplyDeleteJust pack the all-purpose moth-bug-bee-rain-ghost repellent spray and maybe out some tent setting up instructions on your iPod Touch and enjoy!!
ReplyDelete:) If Tom wants sex that badly he can go find ya...
Haha! I'm totally like that around bees too! I hate those things, and I too have been stung. It flew in my shirt and stung my chest! My husband is always telling me to stop flailing my arms around and It'll leave me alone, but I can't, I run!
ReplyDeleteHave fun camping!
I think Tom's trying to psyche you out of going camping! I give you credit for doing this - you deserve a girl's night out even if it means you have to put up with a bug or two!
ReplyDeleteHope you don't get spooked out! Can't wait to hear how it all went!
Wow, he really does not want to be left alone with the kids. If you hear screaming it is probably Tom after the kids have their way with him. Have FUN!
ReplyDeletePlease don't hit me, but I'm with Tom on this one. You're going camping?! :D Have fun!!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously? Isn't there a spa nearby?!?!? No, but really. I love camping. You'll be fine. But bees??? If he was for real about that, I may have reconsidered. I have a SEVERE fear of bees.
ReplyDeleteI hope you girls have a great time! Be strong. You can be a moth killing, ghost slaying, handy woman! Somewhere between the fresh air and smokey fire us women are transformed. I have all confidence in you!
ReplyDeleteHave fun! I'm glad it's you and not me!!
ReplyDeleteAwww, you'll be fine!!!
ReplyDeleteThis said from the woman whose idea of camping involves a mini bar and room-service.
But if a bee does get you - I have a remedy that is guaranteed to work....
And as for the ghost? It'll be more afraid of two women - who, correct me if I'm wrong - will most likely be chitchatting too much (I mean, I know that's what I'd be doing!) for it to get much screaming in.
Tom is a turd!
ReplyDeleteEverything will be brilliant, lots of fun!
ReplyDeleteOh you made me laugh, this sounds like a recent conversation I had with my OH. I'm trying to get him to take us camping but he doesn't believe I can do the whole tent thing..LOL.
Enjoy the camping! ;)
Totally fine! I bet he was just trying to scare you about the ghost thing so you'd stay home and he wouldn't have to take care of the kids. I sorta wish I were camping right now...rain and all.
ReplyDeleteI don't camp. One time I tried with a group of girls and we freaked ourselves out and went home at 3am
ReplyDeleteYeah, what's with those transformers? The toy is not for Mommy, yet Mommy is the one the child asks to transform it. Thankfully my son has lost interest. And - moths? Yeah. Totally freak me out. With those wings! And those legs! Ick.
ReplyDeleteGhost stories around the campfire are one of favorite parts of camping!! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, this IS SO not my thing.
ReplyDeleteYou'll have to let us know...really, HAVE to.
Don't be fooled, he knows your weak points.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hear about your camping trip ... complete with screaming ghosts. You know we will want all the gory details!!!
ReplyDeleteoooo that Tom... for all those wind-ups I'd have been tempted to pretend to go off to camp and hang around the house in the night making screaming ghost noises - see how he likes it ;0)
ReplyDeleteHappy camping, moths an all!
I guess you can look on the bright side - Tom REALLY wants to spend some time with you. Too funny. All of the lame excuses to scare you into staying home are actually quite imaginative. Screaming ghosts???
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!! I can't wait to hear how this turns out....
ReplyDeleteFunny, I am with you on the tech stuff, I need it to drown out the noise of the bugs at night... sheesh they need to shut up already
ReplyDeleteTransformers should come with an instructional video. They suck.
ReplyDeleteLabyrinth, one of my favourite films. Camping? Not so high on my agenda either with or without technology.
ReplyDeleteAs a person who does NOT camp, get in touch with nature or commune with Mother Earth, I am very much looking forward to hearing about this.
ReplyDeleteI wish you luck and I pray the ghosts are at their semi-annual haunting convention... which I assume to be in Provo for some reason.
Amber, I am not a camper. I don't camp. I consider the Hilton camping. Give me the Four Seasons. That said, I admire you so much for doing this. Just because I wouldn't, doesn't mean you shouldn't. Now, Amber, what are you thinking? Talk to your girlfriend and meet her at the lounge at the Hyatt and think this over.
ReplyDeleteREAL Ghosts should help amp up those campfire ghost stories.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from SITS!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you will have a fantastic time! There is something about just being in nature that fundamentally feeds the soul. And what a stinker that Tom is! lol
tom - butthead! me - campin is a hotel without room service! have a great time!
ReplyDeleteThe ghost would be a deal-breaker for me. But just in general - I'd be terrified out in the wildnerness after dark. Of what? No idea...I just get a very Blair Witch feeling about it. But I don't like the idea of camping much beyond the possible ghost/sasquatch/hungry animals/serial rapist worries.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a meeting planner - I stayed in all different hotels from the highest end to the lowest. I think a seedy Radisson is about as close to roughing it as I can get.
Bugs, ghosts, rain, and anything else aside, CAMPING TOTALLY ROCKS!
ReplyDeleteI have complete faith in you that you can do it!
ReplyDeleteAw, he's just jealous. And, good for you! He should be happy that you are getting away for almost free! When I got away for a night with my girlfriend (because we felt OWED), we went to a luxury resort!
ReplyDeleteOoooh, I can't wait to hear more about this. My idea of camping is going to a motel where you walk up stairs to your room with the door on the outside rather than walking in through a lobby to an elevator...
ReplyDeleteBetter you than I! My idea of camping is lazing by the pool at a 5 star hotel!
ReplyDeleteAh yes, the glories of camping...Can't wait to see what happens! :D
ReplyDelete