*Tom is in Korea for a year so I'll periodically share an e-mail that I've sent to him while he is there*
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Dear Tom,
You’ve been gone for three weeks and I must say, people have different reactions when I tell them that you’ll be gone for a year.
First we have the Religious Reaction. Some people simply tell me that they’ll pray for me, which I appreciate. But I had one lady take it a step further. When I admitted that you wouldn’t return until the following August, she gasped and crossed herself. I’m not kidding. She crossed herself. I thought I had accidentally informed her that you had passed or something but then she went, “An entire year?” and crossed herself again. I’ve never in my life seen anything like it and I backed away slowly. Maybe that woman belongs in another Reaction category (see Dramatic.)
There is also the Irritating Reaction. Upon informing the person that you are in Korea, they’ll wave a hand in the air and say, “At least it’s not Afghanistan.” They make me feel like I have no right to worry or miss you and it takes all my might not to conk them over the head with my purse and say, “Look lady. My husband may be in Korea but I still have a right to miss him and last I checked, it wasn’t entirely peaceful over there.”
Going alongside the Irritating Reaction is the whole, “At least he’s only gone a year and not eighteen months.” Yes, I always understand that situations can be worse but honestly, how do people think that comments like that will cheer me up?
We also have the Dramatic Reaction. I once told a woman that you wouldn’t be back until next August and she yelled (yes yelled), “Shut UP! An entire YEAR?!” I thought she was going to have a convulsion.
Rounding up the reactions that I’ve seen is the Overly Affectionate Reaction. These are the people who immediately gather me in their arms when they find out that you’re gone for a year. It can be quite a frightening experience. I mean, you know I’m not a fan of hugging people I don’t know. But what can you do when arms are suddenly tossed around you and you’re brought into someone else’s breasts but hug them back. It seems like I’m comforting them when I go, “I’ll be okay. Really.” It’s especially scary when they come at me with the air kiss on the cheek thing. I HATE the air kiss on the cheek thing. I always want to hold up a hand and go, “Please don’t” but then they’ll think I’m one of those people anal about germs and you know I’m not since you’ve seen me eat food that’s fallen on the floor.
So yes, Tom. There are many different reactions that I’ve had to deal with and I may even encounter more as time goes on.
Just know that we love and miss you, and oh, I mowed the yard the other day without any issues. At first I forgot to prime it because I assume that a mower should come to life the second I pull the string thing. When it didn’t I about ready had a fit in the front lawn but then I remembered the Optimus Prime thing that I made up to remember to prime it. (The little diddy in my head goes, “We Optimus Prime the mower, lalalala.”)
Love,
Your Optimus Priming Wife,
Amber
Friday, August 27, 2010
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GASP. He'll be gone A WHOLE YEAR?!?
ReplyDelete:)
If she crossed herself, she's probably Catholic. And Catholics are overly dramatic about EVERYTHING.
ReplyDelete(I can say this, because I'm technically Catholic. Just. . .lapsed.)
I'm a lapsed Catholic also, but I'm not crossing myself. I do want to thank you and your hubby for the sacrifices you are making for our country. I know it can't be easy for either of you. I hope he stays safe and that you don't get too many hugs and air kisses from strangers! I just stopped by to say hi from SITS; hope you will do the same.
ReplyDeleteJust, you know, please tell me what you would like to hear, so I can't go wrong.
ReplyDelete'kay?
I'm picturing Dana Carvey's Church Lady crossing herself. I totally want pictures next time you get a dramatic reaction. Better still, video. *air kiss*
ReplyDeletehahaha, I love it. Some people are so busy trying to be nice and comforting that they just end up being totally invalidating and uncaring in their delivery.
ReplyDeleteI really had to chuckle at the hug thing. I think you should just SCREAM Stranger Danger! haha.
My reaction, despite being a complete stranger also, is to host holidays for you.
I think I, like others, just want to figure out some sort of solution but since we have no power to bring Tom home, we try to solve it by making it better or at least sound better. And usually it just fails.
I know what your talking about. My daughter went through the same thing, when her husband went to Afghanistan for a year. First of all, it is a huge thing, but (always that isn't there) I know from reading you, you've done this before.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I'll support you however you need. I also know you'll do just fine. (Hugs)Indigo
Some people should just keep their reactions to themselves.
ReplyDelete*air kiss* *hugs* *flinging myself onto the grass wailing oh em gee* *pffft you can do a year standing on your head* *korea? sounds lovely this time of year* *double-crossing myself*
ReplyDeleteI want to be different so howsabout this: *you're lucky you only have 2 kids to care for; my second-cousin by marriage twice removed had 4*
Its amazing the different reactions people think are appropriate. Crossing herself? OMG! He's not dead (thankfully!) You have a great sense of humor about this and that will help you through this year. I love the optimus prime thingy too!
ReplyDeleteI fall into the Overly Affectionate category. I can't help myself when someone tells me something kinda distressing, I have to hug. LOL
ReplyDeleteI always hate the "who's got it worse" game. Your husband is gone for a year--you get to feel sad no matter where he is. At first I felt bad saying I missed Michael when he was gone for 6 months for BMT & Tech School but then I thought, wtf does that matter? He's off somewhere because of him serving his country & although he may not be dodging bullets or IUDs, he's still gone & it still sucks. Just try to ignore the ignorant well wishers & if you can't do that, I hope you can at least avoid any violence :)
ReplyDeleteI hope he appreciates your witty and adorable E-mail messages... and judging by THOSE reactions, I think I'd just avoid telling people at all cost.
ReplyDeleteThat was a good read.. People's reactions can be pretty interesting!
ReplyDeletei agree.. i might just mumble when i tell people.. lol
ReplyDeletei AM thinking of ya though.. and those little ones of yours!
Yeah, Catholics love getting an excuse to make the sign of the cross over their chests. I say this because I grew up Catholic and I like being able to do it, too.
ReplyDeleteYou really are too nice. I'd totally be telling people that "...it's OK ... My boyfriend moved in the very next day. And, the really great thing is that my husband got a raise right before he left ... so my boyfriend was able to quit his job and stay home all day to be with me. Isn't that great?"
ReplyDelete... then stand back and wait for a reaction.
You need to think of the entertainment value you could get from this ... :))
Come on now, Amber. There's also the local guys who say "Why don't I come over and help you with some of the manly stuff you might need done!" In the words of Nancy Reagan "Just say no!" or was the Barbara Bush? Or was it June Carter Cash? Never mind.
ReplyDeleteAmber, I'm glad I came across your blog...funny stuff!
ReplyDeleteWhat - you're moving in your boyfriend? I think Natalie might slip during one of those Skype talks and tell him.
ReplyDeletePeople are just strange.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been separated from my husband over long distances and time, but my dad was in Iraq for over a year and saw what my mom went through. She was tough for us - she was a rock, but I know it was hard just being away from him REGARDLESS where he was. It sounds like you and your hubby have that kind of relationship too, which is refreshing to say the least. =) You seem like a very strong woman and if nothing else, you see the comedy in all your situations. Keep up the positive attitude =) I'm looking forward to keeping up with your hilarity =)
WHAT!?!?! OH, you POOR, POOR, dear! Come here! *smothering, boob-squishing hug* Now, you call me if you need ANYTHING. ANYTHING, at all you hear me? At least he isn't in that god-forsaken Afghanistan. *flicks away tear* And a year is so much better than 18 months. OH, come here! *another smothering hug* This just breaks my heart. I'll be praying for you every day.
ReplyDeleteOkay, that was kind of fun. Hope you enjoyed it! :)
You know he's totally proud of how weird you are, right? Because I can guarantee that he's sharing these emails and your blog around the barracks or bunk house or whatever the hell they call the spot where military people sleep together.
ReplyDeleteNot that he's sleeping with anyone over there. But you know what I mean.
GASP! A YEAR?!?
I'm a mother of two boys and you made me Google Optimus Prime, how sad am I?
ReplyDeleteLoved your email, thanks for sharing it. Loved the comments from your readers too--Tracey Just Another Mommy Blog made me laugh.
Maybe what you could do is carry a hat to collect money in so you could gather up enough for the airfare for anywhere from one (you) to three of you to "go over there" for a couple weeks.
ReplyDelete:)
I'm glad that Optimus Prime thing worked... I had a hutch it might... LOL!
If I knew ya Id be the overly affectionate one...if I didnt you probably wouldnt be telling me anyway :)
ReplyDeleteAnd to think that all some guys get are naked pictures of their girlfriends.
ReplyDeleteTom is a lucky guy to have a wife with brains. :)
Well ... that was educational! LOL! Just out of curiosity ... what SHOULD we say? I'm impressed you can return the huggers hugs! I'd be hollering for security!
ReplyDeletePlease tell me someone is reacting this way...
ReplyDelete"It'll be over before you know it! Miss him, love him, cry over it, but have fun too! SHOP!:) Just don't go crazy! By the end of my husband's tour, I felt guilty sometimes for not thinking of him! It gets easier!
Start something new for yourself. I totally redecorated my house and surprised my husband when he got home. From one military wife to another, it's great having time apart, even if it means you have to pick up some things he used to do. You might not appreciate the time apart now, but I think you will.
You are already doing great, keeping in touch, taking care of your kids and the house! I admire that. I only had to worry about myself and mowing the lawn and stuff. We have a way of adapting don't we? We humans do what we have to, right!? Still, when things get hard, some step up, and some check out. You seem to be stepping up. I don't care what you say, it's admirable!"
Maybe you could stick me in the Bossy, Know It All catagory? :)
How about a post of what they said/what you wish you'd said or were thinking? And I'm sending a link on to my friend whose husband's been gone 3 months of a year deployment.
ReplyDeleteA YEAR!! Wow! HOW WILL YOU COPE??!!! I wish I could hug you, and am crossing myself right now. ;P Good on you for mowing the lawn, makes me grateful for not having a garden.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite was when people told me, "well, at least you don't have kids!" How is being totally alone better?? All in all it boils down to one thing...IT JUST PLAIN SUCKS no matter how you look at it...but like every good military wife, you suck it up and survive! And, finding humor in it was always the most therapeutic for me!
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, I find it difficult to come up with suitable words in that sort of situation. One of my good friend's sons has been posted to Saudi Arabia (not for a year) and I had no idea what to say to her!
ReplyDeleteI am certain that if we knew each other well and you told me your husband would be gone a year, I would react like the "SHUT UP" lady. I just wouldn't convulse.
ReplyDeleteYou should look for a "Strong Lady who's Got it Together" award because I get antsy when my Mr. goes around the corner to get groceries and he's gone too long.
So I'm waiting for someone to react like, "Party! Party! Party!"
ReplyDelete:)
That's right - you DO have those little rugrats!
JUST KIDDING!
I'm grateful for Tom's service, and I'm sure he looks forward to your e-mails and loves your sense of humor!
I'm crossing myself for you but I think I did it backwards so it's not as offensive.
ReplyDeleteGoodness. I'm Catholic and I am not crossing myself over this. Nor will I tell you to shut up. I will tell you I understand you being upset and I feel for you and think about you. Having had my husband overseas once myself, it is not easy and there are very few "correct" responses. At least in my book:)
ReplyDeleteWell! (crossing myself)You poor, poor thing!( hug and air kiss coming at ya)What ever will you do without a big strong man for AN ENTIRE YEAR!!! ( yep I yelled it-in my head)But at least it's ONLY a year, it could be worse, ya know?
ReplyDeleteOaky- so now I fit all categories, except the real answer one.
Really my response is:
I can't imagine what it's like for you both.
I hope you get to talk often and I hope he makes it home safely.
Okay, as far as I can tell, nobody ever likes to hear, "Well, at least he's not.." or "Hey, it could be worse."
ReplyDeleteNobody likes that. It doesn't make ANYONE feel better. Oh, and the therapist is about to come out.
It's just annoying because they're basically making your feelings (whatever they may be) invalid by telling you that you shouldn't feel bad because -insert inane reason here-.
Sorry. That was a tangent. It's a pet peeve of mine.
Oh, what is the matter with people??? Can they not think to say, "i'm so sorry, can I help you in any way? Would you like company, or to go to a movie, or can I give you a break and watch the kids??? or, can my husband help you around the house with the things Tom used to do?"
ReplyDeletesheesh.
SHUT UP! A WHOLE YEAR! Phew, glad I got that out of my system while I was out of hugging reach. Seriously, a year is a long time. Hope your Optimus Prime skills are up to the challenge. By the looks of things your attitude is. Following now so I can share the WHOLE YEAR with you.
ReplyDeleteNo one has the right words. I know this to be true. Miss him, be fearful for him. Anything you feel is okay. And give everyone else a bye.. people really just want to be helpful and kind, they just all go about it in their own way.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Optimus prime....*laffing!!!*
ReplyDeleteYeah, people are weird hun. I get real tired of the, "I just don't know HOW you military wives do it!!!". Well duh! We do it because we have to!!
Stoopid people!!
Hang in there! Before you know it, he'll be home irritating the crap outta you again! Hugs!!!
I'm a military wife too, but I've never had to go through a deployment. So, I'm wondering, what is the appropriate response.
ReplyDeleteMine would be somewhere along the lines of "Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Is that appropriate?
Im probably one of those people who would say something stupid for lack of knowing what to say!
ReplyDeleteOptimus Prime! LOL you crack me up!
Do you think Tom reads your letters to the other guys? I'll bet their reactions are priceless!
ReplyDeleteI'm a member of the "that just sucks, you are awesome" reaction. My hubby is gone 5 days a week right now and I want to go nuts. I don't know how you do it. So yeah, you're awesome.
ReplyDelete