Friday, November 5, 2010

The One with No Pants

“Natalie, you’ve got to get your pants on. Someone is coming over to check on the heater and you can’t greet him in your underpants!” I shrieked, waving her jeans in the air.

Since I live on base housing, someone comes out to do a yearly maintenance checkup on the heater and fire alarms. I didn’t want the worker to be shocked by my kid with no pants though I’m sure he’s probably seen worse.

“No pants!” Natalie shouted in return. “I don’t like my pants and I don’t WANT my pants.”

She’d fit in with those starlets in Hollywood who like to stroll along in dresses that I swear are just oversized t-shirts since they barely cover their thighs. I wonder if they dress that way because their parents never emphasized the importance of pants.

“You will wear your pants,” I said firmly. I grabbed a hold of Natalie and tried to wrestle her pants on. I figured this would work out because I’m bigger than her. But no, she squirmed, she tried to bite, and she managed to wiggle under my arm to freedom. She raced to the end of the hall.

“NOOOOOOOOO PANTS!” she bellowed.

I rubbed my temples. I was so not in the mood for this. It had been a long morning of scrubbing the floor where the heater was because I didn’t want the worker to think we were pigs. Then I had to make sure the other rooms looked presentable, since there are fire alarms in each of those. Now my daughter was refusing to wear her pants.

“I am the parent and I say you will wear your pants!” I boomed. I held her jeans in the air like they were a trophy.

“Nope,” Natalie said simply, crossing her arms over her chest. “Nope, nope, and nope.”

I could feel my anger start to boil. I always thought that I had a lot of patience. But this was before I had children.

I charged at Natalie like a bull and she darted away. I managed to grab her waist and held her down with my leg.

“NOOOOOOOO PANTS!” Natalie screamed. Her face was red. “NOOOO PANTS!”

Then the doorbell rang.

Crap.

The worker was here. And he probably heard Natalie freaking out. I stood up and Natalie rushed off. Her pants were only on one leg.

“Hello,” I said in what I hoped was a cheerful tone as I pulled open the front door.

“What’s that man for?” Natalie asked, sidling up beside me. She still just had her pants on one leg.

The worker blinked at us.

“Well, come on in,” I said brightly, acting as though I wasn’t just begging for my three-year-old to put on her pants a minute ago.

The worker stepped in and surveyed the room. It had been clean ten minutes earlier. But then Natalie decided that all her stuffed animals needed to form a line across the living room.

“It’s a party in here,” I joked.

“Huh?” the worker answered.

“It’s a—never mind, the heater is down the hall,” I said dumbly.

The worker gave me one last puzzled glance and headed for the heater.

I stared at Natalie. “Will you put your pants on properly now?”

“All I want is my princess dress,” she said.

Fine. I guess that was better than nothing. I helped her into her Snow White dress and reminded her to stay away from the man and let him work. She actually listened but Max the cat kept popping his head into the room the man was in and then he’d startle himself, backing up with his fur on end.

The good news is that everything is working perfectly.

The bad news is, I still can’t get Natalie to wear pants.

53 comments:

  1. The kid has a point, sometimes all I want is a princess dress too:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. there are many a day i don't want to put on my pants either. I would look aweful funny wearing a princess dress though.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Geez, let her wear skirts and dresses. Doesn't hurt. ^^

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just love the way you write!! I was laughing while reading your entire post! I hope Natalie will want to wear pants when winter comes around. Have a great weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You'd be surprised what a little ass whipping can do.

    Especially on a pantsless ass.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sometimes when I read your blog I wonder if your exhabitionist kid and my exhabitionist kid should get together and revel in the joys of being stubborn. :)

    Embrace the wine and/or vodka...

    ReplyDelete
  7. You know, hopefully she'll keep her pants on when she hits her teenage years. (You think you're worried now about that, just wait.) ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Don't you hate when people don't get your jokes? I mean the party line was awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Pants are overrated!!
    Of course I do TRY to put some one when the heater guy is on the way.
    It isn't so cute when you aren't three.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My kids don't like wearing pants, either. My mom says I'm running a nudist colony.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My niece went through that phase, too.

    ReplyDelete
  12. When my youngest was a toddler, I caught him on the trampoline butt naked with his clothes in a heap on the ground. And it was not summer. And to top it off my oldest was out there with him laughing his head off. And there were some neighbors riding by who had stopped in the middle of the road to laugh with him. Fun times.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't blame her for wanting to wear a princess dress. Geez, the pants probably had an elastic waist. How embarrassing!

    ReplyDelete
  14. My mom says I went througha phase where I would only wear like 3 dresses and nothing else *shrug* I guess some of us think we are little princesses =)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I saw the title of this post and thought you wrote it about me...pants are overrated!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Just keep her supplied with princess dresses. And maybe a tiara.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm the opposite of Natalie. No dresses for me! YUCK! I'd rather wear pants. I guess that is a bonus of having boys. So far, they haven't given me any problem.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is too cute! My girlfriend can't get her daughter to keep any clothes on! The minute she gets home, she strips! LOL. Kori xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  19. The secret is, always give them a second and sometimes third option.
    Plan B, bribery ;)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Well, the girl knows what she wants...no pants. :) Mine is still too little to refuse to wear pants, but she does routinely try to pee on me. So, I think I might prefer the pants thing.

    de-lovelylife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think it's a phase thing. My sister (the tom boy!) went through a two-year period where my mother couldn't put pants on her unless she knocked her out (not that she did...much...)

    ReplyDelete
  22. oh man, my kids are all like that too...even the boys...we call it "pants off dance off"....i think my friends are actually more shocked when they come over and the kids actually have pants ON! glad the heaters working again!

    ReplyDelete
  23. My child wants to be fully naked a LOT.

    ReplyDelete
  24. lol And that is why boys are SO much easier! I even posted about why boys are better than girls today.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Story of my freaking life I tell ya! Getting Maggie dressed for school is a test of all things patience. I have reallllly had to relinquesh my "severe control issues" on this and let her wear some pretty awful getups, JUST so she'd have clothes on. Why must they fight us like this?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Have you tried using positive reinforcement techniques on Natalie? It's certainly worth a Hershey's kiss to get her into pants! LOL!

    If it's just that she likes control, you can always give her a choice between pants and a skirt (or dress or dress up clothes).

    ReplyDelete
  27. "Oh, she just doesn't want to wear pants today. You know how it is..."

    Maybe he would have laughed at that. But probably not. :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Nat in her Snow White dress is too cute to even stress over the pants, momma!

    And on the brighter side of things, it'll be easier for you not to shop so much if she refuses to wear her other adorable outfits, neh? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  29. At least a dress will work.

    I don't know how many times the ups man has been greeted by a completely naked child at my house.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Princess Dress or Pants? Come on Amber, there really is no contest there.

    ReplyDelete
  31. pants are totally over rated anyways ;) lol

    kidding..

    but after halloween I have to say princess dresses beat pants 10 to 1!

    ReplyDelete
  32. My kid NEVER wants to wear jeans. The most I can get her in are leggings. I was told that jeans are too close to her girl parts.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Pants are so over-rated anyway :)

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ha! At least she put something on!! Will she wear leggings with a skirt?

    ReplyDelete
  35. It's time to bring out the big guns, show her a picture of LaLohan and tell her that's what wearing no pants leads to.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Super post! Brought back many memories of trying to stuff ungrateful boys into whatever clothes I wanted them to wear that they didn't! Thank goodness they buy their own clothes now.

    ReplyDelete
  37. OY! We went through that stage when from when The Girl was about Natalie's age until this year, when with a closet full of dresses, suddenly it's all about pants... and she's got none!

    ReplyDelete
  38. LOL You poor thing! Little Miss Natalie is a very strong willed child, isn't she? At least she knows what she wants and will be very successful in life - so you have that to look forward to at least! :) xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  39. Too bad her name wasn't Bob. Then she could be Sponge Bob NO PANTS. Hee hee

    That kid sure gives you a run for the money.

    But she sure is cute. :)

    And you sure are funny!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Do you have family close to help with the situation? And it does appear to be just that.

    The future holds surprises that I dare say will be shockers to boot. Do you ever feel like a good cry?

    Yo, Ed, how are you? Sizzling?

    ReplyDelete
  41. Let her go naked! No big deal. I don't think the meter man will be effected in any manner by a 3 year old running around in her panties. Ye, gads!

    ReplyDelete
  42. LOL!!! Great post :) In all fairness, a princess dress DOES trump pants!

    Thanks so much for stopping by on my SITS day and leaving such a sweet comment. I am your latest follower!

    ReplyDelete
  43. One should never open the door to a workman without wearing one's princess outfit. The kid knows exactly what life's all about.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Pants? Who needs them when you have great legs. Three year olds all have great legs and they know it.

    Just be thankful she does not want to go topless and show off the "girls." (just kidding...)

    You could always just sit on her to get the pants on. I've been known to pull off that maneuverer with much success.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Yeah I would rather wear a princess dress than pants too..only I would just look creepy

    ReplyDelete
  46. My mom said I would refuse to wear pants too when I was little. I was very girly and wanted to always wear skirts. In the winter time, I would wear a skirt over my jeans. A compromise.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I was very much the opposite.

    I loved me some pants but HATED dresses and skirts.

    Sundays before church sounded a lot like this.

    ReplyDelete
  48. I couldn't get my oldest son to wear pants until he was about...7. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  49. The "no pants" might be just as well until the toilet training shows results...

    ReplyDelete
  50. Hey, I had patience before I had kids, too. Is THAT what happened??? Looks like Natalie is just a girlie girl that will always prefer wearing princess dresses. =)

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment!

Share This

 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...