Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Big Lipped

She had escaped.


I had a pretty good idea where she was. I walked into the dining room and squatted down.

“Natalie,” I said to my daughter, who was hunched underneath the table. “We have to go.”

Natalie shook her head as she hugged her knees to her chest. “I don’t want shots!”

I sighed. She had told me this all morning. “Darling, we have to get them. They’ll keep you healthy.”


“Natalie, we are going. Do you want hepatitis A?”

“Yes! I want hepatitis!” Only she pronounced it “hep-eh-TIT-us.” So now people were going to think my daughter was being vulgar. Fantastic.

“We’re going,” I said firmly and reached under the table. I managed to grab onto her ankle and pulled her out. She tried desperately to claw at the carpet to no avail.

“No SHOTTTTTSSSSSS!” she bellowed dramatically. She was going crazy, shaking like a maniac as I carried her to the front door. She almost climbed on top of my head. Her foot kicked me in the mouth and I thought, “Yeah, this is my life…” I brought her out to the car and wrestled her into her seat.

“You’ve known about these shots for days,” I reminded her as I struggled to buckle her in. “This shouldn’t be a surprise.”

All week I had asked if she was going to be brave when she got shots.
“Yes,” she had lied.

“And no crying?” I probed.

“No,” she had lied.

My lips were tingling from being kicked as I got behind the wheel. Now I was going to look like a bad version of Angelina Jolie. Or Jessica Simpson, when she got that awful lip injection and claimed that nothing was amiss even though her lips were like 3 inches from her face.

“No SHOTTSS!” Natalie whimpered. Her shouting was tapering off; she knew she was defeated.

“They keep you healthy,” I repeated. “Despite what some parents might think, I believe shots are a good thing. I personally wouldn’t want whooping cough or measles but that’s just me. Although, everyone has a right to choose what is right for their children, which is the beauty of America. Understand?”

Natalie blinked at me. She was probably wishing I was one of those parents who didn’t make their kids get shots.

“The shots will be quick, I promise.”

“Will it hurted me?” Natalie sniffled.

“It’ll feel like a pinch,” I replied truthfully. I wasn’t about to lie. If I lied, then Natalie would shout, “YOU BIG LIPPED LIAR!” as she got the shots.

“I don’t want a pinch,” Natalie cried.

“It’ll be fast.”

At the base clinic, I picked Natalie up so she wouldn’t take off. Her fingers were entangled in my hair as we walked into the immunization room. I thought she was going to pull a chunk of hair from my scalp. That way I’d have a gigantic bald spot to go with my oversized lips.

Surprisingly, Natalie sat nicely as we waited to be called back. I thought I might have to put her in one of those leashes and tie it to the chair.

“I want hep-eh-TIT-us,” Natalie informed the doctor who called us back. She gave me a surprised look.

“Hepatitis,” I corrected. “And I didn’t have a lip injection, my daughter kicked me.” No, I didn’t say that last part. I wanted to, because the doctor kept frowning at my mouth as if to say, “What’s going on there? Should I ask, or would that be rude? Probably rude.”

I had to sit Natalie in my lap and hug her arms against her chest as the doctor put the shots in her thigh.

Naturally, Natalie screamed….into my right ear, which immediately started to ring. By the time she moves out, I swear I’m going to be partially deaf. She’s made my ears ring more times than I can remember.

“All done!” the doctor called out and Natalie’s screeches immediately ceased. She glanced at the band-aids the doctor had left on her thighs.

“I like,” Natalie said, running her thumb across her band-aids with Charlie Brown on the front. It was like the shots never happened. A wide smile was across her face as she hopped down from the exam table.

“Can she have a lollipop?” the doctor asked me.

I nodded and Natalie squealed with delight as she picked a pink one.

“I like this place,” Natalie told me. She narrowed her eyes at the doctor. “I don’t like the shots though.”

We left after that and I let out a breath of relief as we stepped outside. We were done with shots. Hallelujah!

Until next year, that is.

I’ll make Tom bring her then.


  1. Sounds like a good time. I'm glad Natalie can intimidate a doctor into a lollipop, that's a useful skill that I've utilized often in my 33 years. Good luck next year Tom!

  2. Have your ears stop ringing? I hate shots too...I say Tom's turn for sure, but you can guarantee there will be no cry and it will go easy!

  3. Big lips are in... I think. Glad it's over and done with!

  4. YAY! for lollipops. Tim never understood what shots were until this year, and he was very strong about them. I was very honest with him, that yes it would hurt, but that it only hurts for a second.

  5. You had me in stiches!!!! Your life sounds so much like mine, you poor thing!!! Lol! I love your blog, thanks for making me laugh!!!

  6. Whoa, that sounds like a visit to the vet with the cats. ^^

  7. That was me, in the Navy, giving the shots to the dependent kids.

  8. The Evil Twin has had to take leave time from work to help me with our son. There aren't enough nurses, nor do I have the strength, to hold him down for shots. It never gets easier. :-( I'm glad N got a lollipop for her troubles! :-)

  9. Heh, good one. I wish I could have a conversation with my Monkey about going to the doctor. He's only 16.5 months and screams as soon as he spots the doctor. Even if he's just getting weighed. I'm effed, aren't I?

  10. all that buildup? I'm not having kids in my next life.

  11. It would be rally really cool if you kept all these stories in a family book... stories about Tommy and Natalie... because they are going to LOVE this when they grow up!! Teeheehee

  12. Hopefully when she goes to get the second round in a few weeks she will only remember the band aid and lollipop, and not the pinch.

  13. And you know that she will probably behave admirably for Tom, right?

  14. yep!
    i'd so make tom take her, lol

  15. At least the Charlie Brown bandage made up for the pinch.

    I'd definitely make Tom take her next year.

  16. Thank you for the reminder that I need to make an appointment for this same thing four weeks from now. I'm so excited. My kids' doctor always does plain ol' tan band-aids. What a loser.

  17. lol love this.

    In BC (not sure about the rest of canada) you can not enroll your child in school, even preschool if they haven't had all their shots for their age.

    I also wonder how kids know mcdonald's taste good if they've never had it, and how needles might hurt, if they've never had one.....

  18. that wasn't too bad! It could have been worse. it took FOUR people to hold my son down when it was time for his shots and he is 12.

  19. heehee, maybe it'll be easier when she's five. Here's hoping...

  20. Can I tell you, dealing with the shots might be my worst part about being a parent.

  21. It will get better!! I promise! It never failed, 3 nurses, the Dr and even I would have to hold her down while a 4th nurse would put the shot in. Now... she gives blood, helps during blood drives at school and even gave shots to goats!!! It took 16yrs, but she finally got over her fear. :o)

  22. Oh wow, thank goodness the shots are over with! I love how she acted all fine and dandy once she saw the Charlie Brown band-aid. Sorry about the kick to the mouth, ouch! Doesn't everyone want lips like Angelina Jolie now days? I think you'll be fine ☺

  23. So the husband is supposed to take them for the alternate years? Huh. Might make Brian reread this post.

    Glad you both survived- pediatrician visits are just awful.

  24. We had to take Erica in for blood work when she was about that age. She sat and glared at the tech and then told him that if that left a mark he was in BIG trouble!

  25. Oh man! Glad you survived: big lips, ringing ears, sore scalp, and all.

  26. I swear it gets harder as they get older because they know what's coming. Glad it wasn't too painful for you (or her). :)

  27. Yes, Hubby should have to do it from time to time. Mommies shouldn't always have to all the time. Hope your lip goes back down. ;)

  28. Yikes! I'm glad LB's too little to understand what's going to happen... I am NOT looking forward to days like this! :)

  29. Sounds like she secretly thought the bandaid and lollipop was worth it.

    It was pink after all!!!

  30. It would be nice for Tom to share like that.

  31. I wondered when the update would be lol I have to take my rising 6th grader this summer and I am SO not looking forward to it!

  32. My oldest almost broke my nose when he was getting his Kindergarten round of shots. He sort of reverse head butted me while I was trying to hold him still.

  33. Glad that's over with! And having Tom bring her next year? Sounds like a plan to me!

  34. Ooooo Fun Times! Definitely NOT!
    YES...I'd let daddy get the next round of shots!

  35. Poor baby! I hate shots too. But they don't even give me a lollipop after. They don't give me a shot of gin either come to think of it.

  36. And that my dear is exactly why I did not go into pediatric nursing when I picked which field to work in! I sure do remember those days of taking my two kids to get those shots. Whew!

  37. Awwee, next time, just tell her the shots will give her super-human powers. She might gladly go, but just be sure she doesn't try to fly by jumping off a roof or something. LOL

  38. Shots are favorites here either. JDaniel screams when we enter the doctor's office.

  39. Wow- it sux. I remember about 5 years ago my littlest one fainted. Thats right. FAINT-ED.

    LOL so stop complaining:)

    J/K Amber, I know its rough- especially when you're the one that has to do it. You are spot on with making Tom take her next year. And yes, she will be perfect for him and they will laugh at you.

  40. My daughter cries the second she steps into a doctors office! Once she gets the lollipop at the end she is completely content. If only they gave the lollipop at the beginning!

  41. I'm with her. Shots suck mega big time.
    Yes, Tom can do it next time...muwhahahahaha. But you have to tell him that she is a trooper.


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