Lasik. Here I Come.

“My main issue is the eye drops. I cannot stand eye drops. I freak out over eye drops. My hand is even shaking at the thought of eye drops,” I told the lady seriously.

She gave me a soft smile. “The eye drops will be worth it though, don’t you think? To be able to see without glasses will be a fabulous thing.”

I swallowed. She was right. I could have a life without glasses. I could wake up and instantly be able to see.

I was at my Lasik Consultation. For years I had been flirting with the idea of getting Lasik but I was always too afraid. And let’s not forget the hefty price tag. But each morning when I’d stick my glasses on my face, I’d sigh and think, “I’m tired of these. I’ve worn them most of my life.”

So I scheduled a Lasik Consulation at the ClearSight Center in Oklahoma City. (And no, I’m not getting compensated for mentioning their site. I wish.)

I really detest my eyes being messed with which is why I always backed away from Lasik. If I could push two kids out of my nether regions, surely I could deal with eye stuff. Right? (RIGHT?!!!)

Anyway, I was put through a series of tests. They did NOT make me do that eye puff test. They had a better machine that doesn’t do that, praise chocolate. I hate that eye puff test so much. Remember that episode of Friends where Rachel backs up before the puff is even done? That’s me. I can’t help it.

In the end, it turns out that my eyes were healthy enough to do Lasik.

And then we started talking money.

Or rather, how we could afford this.

Unfortunately, the military does not cover Lasik for spouses. I asked. Twice.

They did have a financing option, which is what we decided on. We were approved for that but still, I was hesitant.

I mean, after all. If I did Lasik, I’d have a laser in my eyes. I’d have to lay there while it happened. I couldn’t shut the world out by closing my eyes like I did when I had my kids. I’d have to face this. Literally.

And then the eye drops.

And the ugly black goggles I’d have to wear afterwards.

As I sat there debating, I suddenly thought of the episode of Newlyweds (remember when Jessica Simpson and Nick were married?) when Jessica got Lasik, had to put on those black goggles and then she went out to eat afterwards and was surprised that she couldn’t see well. I think she got stuck against a wall or something.

What if I got stuck against the wall?

Granted, Tom would be with me and he’d probably take the crook of my elbow and lead me away from the wall and say, “No darling, that’s not the door.”

Still.

A life without glasses.

Tom and I discussed it and agreed that I ought to do it.

So.

On Friday, September 23rd, I’ll be doing Lasik.

I’m told I should be back to my normal self on Monday.

But if you see a woman against a wall, that’s just me. Calmly lead me to my destination and know that I haven’t been drinking, but have just had lasers in my eyes.

Okay?