The Story of Book Buddy

“Isn’t my book buddy adorable?” Natalie asked.

He was...something else.

I didn’t want to say what I really thought of him. Diseased was the first word that came to mind.

See, in PreK, each kid gets to bring home the Sickly Buddy—er, I mean, the BOOK Buddy overnight. He comes with a small book that you read to your kid and I guess the Book Buddy overlooks it all while spreading a virus.

“I just love him so much,” Natalie said, hugging him to her chest. (If she’s sick within a week, I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“It’s…where are his eyes? When was the last time he brushed his hair?” I asked. (I also wanted to know: where else has he been? Has he been dropped in a toilet before? His fur looked like it had been wet.)

“Silly, he can’t brush his hair. He’s a dog!” Natalie chastised me as though I were Paula Abdul making another one of her off the wall comments. “Here. He loves you.” She plopped him in my lap.

DISEASE!

“Pet him,” Natalie instructed.

I was sitting there, frozen, as though she had deposited a turd on my lap.

“It’s just—” I began.

“PET HIM! You’ll hurt his feelings.”

I gingerly tapped him on the head (at least I thought it was the head part) with one finger.

“He’s sleeping with me,” Natalie said, taking him back.

“He looks like he’s related to Cousin It,” I answered.

“He’s so cute,” Natalie continued.

“Does anyone else feel the urge to Lysol the crap out of him?” I called out. “I don’t even want to know what he smells like.”

Natalie took a sniff. “He smells great! Like sausage.”

Um. Ew.

Anyway, Natalie did sleep with the thing and I’m proud to say it didn’t try to eat her.

But then I worried how she’d give it up. When I told her it was time to take him back to school, she didn’t want to let him go.

“I love him!” she wailed.

“You have other non-diseased toys,” I reminded her.

“He’s cute!”

“He’s...well, I wouldn’t call him cute. Look, how about we take a picture with him so you’ll always remember. Okay?”

Natalie agreed.

“So let’s say goodbye to Germ Buddy—uh, book buddy,” I urged.

Natalie sighed and let him go. “Goodbye. I love you,” she told him.

I think it might be time to get our flu shots…