Monday, December 10, 2012

In Which I Wore Nylons With Open Toed Shoes

I know you guys are all dying to know...

...yes, I ended up wearing nylons to my husband’s Christmas party.

Even though they are "out".

And I wore open toed shoes.

The horror. The good news is, I’m not a celebrity so I didn’t have to worry about all those fashion people who would circle everything wrong with what I’m wearing on a projector or my picture showing up at the back of US Weekly magazine with the snarky comment, "She's literally wearing her Dirty Laundry."

But let me back up.

I still wasn’t sure about my makeup. When it came time to apply it, I took a deep breath and climbed the stairs slowly. I had already made a mistake getting ready earlier: while straightening my hair, I managed to burn my nose. How, I don’t know. For awhile I thought I’d show up at the party with a streak across my nose.

“I’m Rudolph,” I planned on joking,

Thankfully the mark faded before the party.

With the makeup, well, I poked my eye with the mascara. Then when I had everything applied I realized, dammit, I forgot to brush my teeth. So I had to take my makeup off, brush my teeth, wash my face, and put it back on.

“Why can’t I afford a stylist?” I grumbled. All those Real Housewives always have a makeup person before they go to a party. Must be nice. I would love a stylist. I clearly need help. Granted, if I had one, she would not have let me leave the house wearing nylons. And she’d have made me get my nails done.

I hate polish on my nails, which sounds weird, because as a girl I should love manicures and pedicures. Honestly, I’ve never had one in my life. Manicures because I think the crap that is rubbed on my nails would bug me and pedictures because I’m very ticklish and wouldn’t want to accidentally kick the poor worker. I have polished my nails before but I always tend to pick it off. So what I did for the party was cut them neatly and leave it at that.

So how did I look? Well, I had my son take a photo:

Then it was time to go. I grabbed my sparkly clutch purse and we were off.

The party was fun.

Tom even pulled me onto the dance floor at one point.

The food was tasty. Dessert was cheesecake. I was happy. Tom was not. He’s strange and does not like cheesecake.

I did not drink even though it seemed almost everyone around me was. It’s just, I get very chatty when I drink so I need to make sure I’m around people who are tolerable to that.

I did get laughed at when I walked in my heels. Not rudely, but this one chick was like, “You do not look comfortable,” as I clomped out of the party room.

I wasn’t.

Wearing heels feels like you have a wild animal nibbling on your feet.

I should so get a bumper sticker with that phrase.


  1. nylons or not you looked gorgeous :)

  2. Clearly you do have a stylist and just don't want to tell look stunning! :)

  3. how fabulous! You looked amazing! I don't think I have ever been to a company Christmas party. Pretty sure that says a great deal about my social abilities.

  4. You looked great!

    I hate heels and nylons.....but LOVE my polish.

  5. You look very nice! And my, you are so young!

  6. I don't do nylons, but I have some very fun tights that I love to wear with my skirts. I have a great pair of leopard print ones! You look great in that photo! Who needs a stylist?!

  7. You looked fabulous. Like you, I wear nylons (pantyhose, actually) and hate heels. I can be so much happier in flat shoes!

  8. you look great.

    My husband is also weird and doesn't like cheesecake. More for me!!!

  9. You both look wonderful!! Sounds like a fun time!

  10. You look gorgeous in the pictures, although I'm not sure why you had to take your make-up off to brush your teeth... I have to brush my teeth after make-up every morning, because I multi task and drink tea while I dry my hair (you'd probably guess that if you saw my hair!).
    I'm glad you had a good time. I like Tom's tie!

  11. You look beautiful and sounds like you had a great time! I hope you ate Tom's slice of cheesecake!

  12. I don't get redoing makeup after tooth brushing either. Well lipstick I understand.

    Super cute look even eithout a stylist. And if stylists always got it right then there'd be no "worst dressed" list.

  13. Lovely couple - glad you had a good time. Next time go for the flats.

  14. Yet another "you took the make-up off to brush your teeth?" squinty-eyed look. At any rate, you looked lovely. I also still wear hose, because I'm way too pasty to have bare legs. It would frighten the children. Adults, too.

  15. You sure do look purty!

    I like Tom's tie.

  16. Gasp! You ignored our advice! My head is spinning. Seriously, you looked great. But next time get yourself a new pair of shoes. A comfy pair so you you don't feel as though there is a wild animal nibbling at your feet! Life is too short to be uncomfortable.


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