Sunday, January 20, 2013

The Broken Merida Crown


It was a bloodcurdling scream. One that made me jump and pause my television show at an awkward moment. (I was watching Girls. And one of the men in the show was, ahh, pleasuring himself in front of the girl he sleeps with…)

The noise was coming from Natalie’s room.


The child is forever getting hurt.

“WHAT HAPPENED?” I shouted as I thundered up the stairs. Our home is not a quiet one. We shout. We yell. We fart. And, well, scream. All the “experts” would be appalled in our home.

“Look!” Natalie shrieked when I rushed to her room. I expected to find her bleeding or curled up on the ground, gripping a wounded part of her body. But no. Instead she shoved a broken crown at me.

“It’s BROKEN and I love it so much!” Natalie wailed. “MERIDA! MERIIDAAAA!”

I took a few calming breaths. I was relieved that she wasn’t hurt. No late night trip to the ER. Thank goodness. Our ER takes forever and always smells like old people mixed with vomit and antiseptic.

But. Wait a minute. It was a little after 11 at night. Why was she even awake?

Well, I’ll tell you. My daughter is a late owl like I am. I suppose I should force her into bed but if she’s anything like me, she’ll just lie there, tossing and turning and that’s no fun. So on non school nights, I’m lax about bedtime so long as she stays upstairs. I put the kids in their rooms by 8 and they play in their rooms until they get tired.

So long as they aren’t bothering me.

Which sometimes they still do.

Like when they break a toy and suddenly it’s MY problem.

“I accidentally stepped on it,” Natalie sniffled.

“Let me...try to glue it back together,” I said, taking the pieces. It’s times like these when I wished Tom were home. Natalie is never as dramatic or loud when he’s around. She hates to disappoint him. Me? She’ll disappoint me all day and be perfectly content with it.

“You hurt my feelings,” I’ll tell her.

She’ll pat my head in a patronizing way and go, “Maybe you need some chocolate.”

If DADDY says that she hurt his feelings she’ll fling herself into his arms and go, “I’m sorry, Daddy! I love you!” and then kiss him on the cheek.

That’s fine though. No biggie. I only gave her life.

I went downstairs with the crown and found the Super Glue. I opened it and squeezed and…nothing came out. There was some dried glue on the tip. So I kept squeezing—not the smartest choice, but it was late and I just wanted to get back to watching TV in peace--and then the glue burst like a zit. Glue sprayed down my hand, on the kitchen counter and floors…

“I’ve been glued!” I shouted. “I’ve been glued!” I felt like I was in an episode of an 80s sitcom.

The crown was stuck against two of my fingers. Still broken.

I ran my hand under steaming hot water and most of the glue came off. I still had some residue left behind though. And the crown was still broken.

“I’ll deal with this later,” I promised Natalie. “You need to get to bed.”

She didn’t put up a fight because she found her Rapunzel crown and placed it on her head demurely.

Is the crown fixed now?


I’ve hidden the pieces in a drawer in hopes that Natalie forgets about it.

If she remembers, there’s always duct tape…


  1. My house is full of yells, screams, squeals & any annoying noise you can possibly think of. I wonder if my neighbors think I am a horrible mom? To make matters worse I am the end of the cul-de-sac so I swear everything is echofied... is that even a word?

    My girls are night owls too. I wish the whole let them stay up they will sleep in thing happened... ahhh a girl can dream.

    I hope she forgets about her crown, thankfully for the most part I get away with hiding toys often. LOL

  2. LOL! I'm not sure I even want to know what your neighbours think goes on in your house!

  3. All hospitals smell of old people, vomit and antiseptic, they pump it in like supermarkets with bread smells...
    Fingers crossed she forgets. I love that she has multiple crowns.

  4. As a mom of a now ten year old daughter who was obsessed with princesses, I totally feel your pain.

  5. Thank god she had a second crown to pull from...hopefully she forgets about it...maybe send it to the crown repair place and so how it gets lost in the mail ! Good luck!

  6. HAHA! I couldn't help but laugh at the 'I've been glued' part :D

  7. Our house is typically so busy and loud that it feels unnatural when there's silence. I'm typically checking on the kids several times to make sure they're not dead.

  8. I think the internet is your safest bet to "repair" the crown.

    Good luck with her forgetting. I raised 5.....years later they still remember and enjoy ripping out my heart with guilt.

  9. Well those days were so long ago, I don't remember, my kids are 39 and 41. But there were days that were memorable. Hang in there, they will grow up, then they give you a different kind of a pain in the rear.
    Just life I guess. Thanks for letting me visit.

  10. That glue is dangerous, especially for clumsy people like myself. I am just thankful you weren't stuck to the kitchen floor or counter!


  11. Awe poor baby girl! Just wait until shes a teenager and this happens to her iphone :)
    New follower. Loving your blog!

  12. My boys are constantly complaining about toy problems after I've sent them to bed. are supposed to be sleeping. My favorite is when I turn out the lights and they both start yelling, "I can't see! I can't see!!" Boys, that's the point. Now go to sleep!!!


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