Thursday, October 3, 2013

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: The "Love Italian Style" Book

If you watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey, you know Melissa Gorga wrote a book called Love Italian Style.

I'm embarrassed to admit that yes, I watch the show so yes, I know who Melissa Gorga is.

Last week there was a big uproar over the fact that in the book, her husband wrote that if your wife says no to sex to basically rip off her clothes and take her anyway. Apparently women like that.

I don't.

If my husband tried to mess with me when I said no, he'd have a black eye and a pierced eardrum from me screaming at the top of my lungs.

Here are other things Melissa says in her book:

DO treat him like a king by greeting him at the door and making him a drink. Okay, for starters, if I greeted him at the door I'd startle him. He'd be like, "What? What happened?" My husband doesn't really like any special drinks. He does like HiC orange juice boxes. Maybe I could hand him one of those. That seems weird though. Especially since we have a small house. I'd hand him his juice and say, "Even though you could walk the five steps it takes to get to the fridge and get it yourself..."

DON'T Dine And Dial. Okay, I agree. We don't mess with our phones at the dinner table. But Tom isn't a big conversationalist when he's eating so it's basically silence and the sound of silverware scraping against the plates. Or Tom might say, "Sloppy Joes again?" and I'll say, "If you'd prefer something else, by all means, make it."

Don't Fake An Orgasm. Oops. But ladies, sometimes I have a show coming on TV.

Do Get Busy Often. Melissa claims she boinks her husband 3-5 times a week. Who has the time? Well, she does. She's rich. She can drop her kids off with the nanny. Us regular people don't have help, Melissa. When was the last time you cleaned the house? If you did, I doubt you'd have the energy.

Do Work Out Together. What's that?

Don't Wear Sweats Around The House. *Looks down* I'm in sweats now. We can't all afford fancy diamond encrusted yoga pants, Melissa.

It sounds like she can't be comfortable around her husband. I would hate to be on edge all the time, worried about my appearance. I know there are other people out there who have a marriage like this and that's okay for them but it's not something I'd ever go along with.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to lounge in my sweatpants. (And yes, when I Skype with my husband I'm in the same sweats generally with unkempt hair. No lip gloss either, Melissa.)


  1. I sit around the house in sweat pants or yoga pants. If I am going to be cleaning toilets and dealing with bodily fluids of children, I will not wear something nice. My husband told me that he is tired of seeing me in yoga pants when he comes home, but when he is home I find him lounging in his underwear a lot. Ah...the double standard.

  2. Look, all that matters in a marriage or any relationship is mutual respect and communication - the rest is a give and take kind of deal. I see some of the points as valid but honestly, like you clearly detailed - it ain't happening like that girlfriend!

    Little things here and there to make it interesting are good but not all the time...then it just gets boring!

    Amber - I think we should write our own "book" - The REAL Real Housewives Guide to a "happy" marriage - well, a peaceful one atleast ;-)

    (I know, long title but we can work on that)

  3. Or how about "Love - REAL life style"

  4. She is definitely not someone I would be taking relationship advice from. Her husband seems like a major douche. But so is she.

  5. There is no way I could be like her. I LOVE my sweats and yoga pants. And no shoes.

  6. I agree with Krystal 100%

    I wish the media would stop hyping a lot of these clowns...

  7. Ugh, sounds awful all around. And that she puts up a huge front at home. This whole book is probably all bologna.
    But your take on it made me laugh.

  8. You are so right!

    How are these people on TV? We should be on TV! We are real housewives!!!

  9. Thank you for keepin' in real! I'm on your side in this one!

  10. I laughed a whole bunch reading that little article. Yeah... no thank you.

  11. Sounds like an article out of a 1950s women's magazine. Really, Melissa? Whatever.

  12. My sweats have been around since 1994, they have huge and well-placed holes in them. Lawn Boy says they are his favorite! So there, Melissa the rich girl!

  13. This makes me really, really sad. I can't imagine being in a relationship where I feel like I can't be myself (sweats and all). What kind of marriage is that? What kind of life are you making for yourself? Marriage is an all or nothing thing. My hubby loves me for me- the good, bad and ugly.

    The fact that she is putting this out there as "advice" and telling women that they basically need to be ready, willing, waiting, and glamorous for their husbands at all times is pathetic and outdated.

  14. Yup, sounds like something Harriet would write for Ozzie.
    Next time you Skype (if ever again) give him a thrill and do it naked. (don't tell Natalie)

  15. I couldn't help but laugh at this, I am somewhat tempted to buy her book just for more laughs! It sure would be nice to have the money to wear 'fancy' clothes all the time, the nanny to watch the kids, a maid to clean my house, and the energy to have sex five times a week.. I'm sure that if I were waiting by the door with a drink in hand for my other half he would want to know if I was feeling okay and if he needed to take me to the hospital ha ha!

  16. Hahaha!! I love this! Especially the meeting him at the door with a drink- seriously?

    Also- I think that people that say they have sex 5 times a week lie!

  17. I think she is too busy trying to be perfect all the time. It's crazy.


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