Friday, January 17, 2014

Candace Cameron Is Submissive But I Am Not

Candace Cameron, best known for playing DJ on Full House, has written a book called Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose.

In that book, she says that she's submissive. This has cause quite a stir.

I completely understand it's what works for their family.

But it would not work for my family.

This was also talked about on The View. Sherri Shepard said something like, "Well, SOMEONE has to give in." In my eyes, it doesn't have to be the woman. And yes, I totally get that just because a woman is submissive that it doesn't mean she doesn't have a say. She certainly does.

I would resent my husband if he always had the last word. For example, a while back he thought about changing from the Air Force to the Army because he was frustrated on how things were going in his job. He even met with a recruiter.

I basically said no thank you.

Why? Well, because I know the Army deploys more. I know the Army gets shot at more. I was not comfortable with the idea. I knew it would not work for us and I stated this. Eventually Tom dropped the issue and things worked out with the Air Force. He got accepted into K9 school and he was happy again. He admitted that he was glad he had stayed with the Air Force.

If I were submissive and allowed him to make the move to the Army believing that he knew best for our family, I don't think I'd be happy.

In our family, we both have to agree on an issue. Otherwise it's dropped. Someone doesn't have to give in.

Candace also says in a Huffington Post article, "It is very difficult to have two heads of authority. It doesn't work in military, it doesn't work -- I mean, you have one president, you know what I'm saying?"

Well, see, there are two heads of authority in our house. And it DOES work.

It simply reminds us all that each family is different. What works for one, might not work for another.

And that is okay with me.


  1. I totally agree with you, different things work for different families and marriages.

    As long as the couple is happy with their marriage it doesn't really matter how they achieve it.

  2. I am not submissive either....of course I am also twice divorced so take that how you will. I doubt I will ever be submissive, Its just not in my nature to let someone else have complete control over what happens within my life. I think marriage has to be a partnership where both parties work together to decide what happens. Two heads are better than one.

  3. Yeah, I'm the submissive thing isn't really my bag either. How marriages work is a mystery to everyone but the two people that are in them, and I get that. You've got to do what works for you. I just know her method would not work for me or my marriage for 10 minutes. --Lisa

  4. Huh..strange. And I don't find myself to be submissive! And it's hard because I lack confidence and self-assurance and my husband is totally... confident is the nice word I'd use. (control-freak and bossy is what I'd say on a bad day)
    But it somehow works most of the time. I get more assertive. He gets less. We meet in the middle.

  5. I think her brother got into her head. But I agree, if it works for them then fine. Nobody else has to be like that.

    But her saying we only have one president kinda bothers me. Does the world think our president or any of our past or future president is the one who has final say? No. There is a congregation of lobbyists and senate and congress and blablabla that agree on stuff and the president enforces their final vote. Which is why I don't blame Obama for half the stuff other people do. They think Obama is the worst president ever... I think they should look at who has his ear. So it takes a team to run a country; however bad or good. I believe it is the same in a family... both the husband and wife agree on stuff. Not just the husband. I would really resent my husband if that was the way it had to be.

  6. what works for one family may not work for another. Each family has to figure out what's best. I couldn't be submissive. Its not in my nature.

  7. I like to call it 'respect' in our house.

    We discuss and agree on what we think the best outcome is. There's never a "my way or no way" mentality.

    Great post!

  8. My hubby won't even make a decision about what to cook for dinner! I'm not leaving all the decisions up to him!! We'd never get anything done.

  9. Thank you for posting this. I was on my way to write my own post about submission. I am a single 24 year old seminary student. Every male at my school expects to marry a submissive housewife to make pies and babies. I have no interested in that. It's frustrating to me.

  10. There is no submissive in our household. We're both strong willed and neither one just gives in to the other. We manage to find a way to compromise so we're both happy. That's what being a team is all about and in a family, you have to be a team.

  11. There is absolutely no way that I would consider myself submissive - for us it works better if we discuss things and agree on them. And when that doesn't happen I think whoever feels more strongly about a specific matter usually wins!!

  12. oh hell no!! I haven't read the book but now I want to. There is no way what I read would work here either.

  13. Different things for different families. That would not work in our family at all. We always discuss things and it's a give and take.

  14. I definitely am not submissive but I don't want my boyfriend to be a pushover either. I like to think of it as a partnership instead of one having to have authority.

  15. I guess I'm the odd gal out in these comments. I can totally relate to Candace Cameron. I am "submissive" and I like it. It works for us. He is a very stubbon Taurus and I'm a very easy going Pisces. I do have a say. I can have opinions. However, I know my boyfriend is leading our family in the right direction. I have total trust in him to do this.

  16. haha i'm FAR from submissive. i know this, my husband knows this and i once asked him: do you think you'd be happy with a submissive wife? (we were talking about this subject a while ago) and he laughed and said: if i wanted a submissive wife, i would have married one. i knew who you were and what i was getting into when i married you. then i said good because AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' DAT!!

    Vodka and Soda

  17. I understand what you're saying, and yes, every family has to figure out what works for them. I think this woman is really getting a bad rap, because the word "submissive" has a bad rap.

    Being submissive doesn't mean being your husband's doormat, or not having a voice. It's biblical, and it's God's plan for marriage. Have I struggled with it? You bet! But only because I knew what the world said about it, not because I understood what God meant.

    When a husband lives for his wife's happiness, it's pretty easy to be submissive to that mindset. It works when it's worked correctly.

  18. I can understand where Candace is coming from. As a christian woman, I've studied the biblical principles of submission, and I don't hate them. I can't say I'm the submissive type at all, but I do get where she's coming from. In fact, I wish I could be more submissive. I just like my opinions too much.

    Years ago I read A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George. Some of the principles she pointed in the book were totally foreign to me. Submissiveness being one of them. I can say that when I do step back and let my husband lead, it blesses our family. Sometimes I like to be lead.

    That being said, we work together on everything. He would never make any big decisions without me or even come close to being a controlling or authoritative type of husband. He's giving, caring, and kind and makes it easy for me to even want to submit.

    I think what Queenie says above in the comments is right on. It's not about being controlled or not having a voice in your own home. It's a marital principal and it takes two to work! Just like anything else in marriage.

    Great post, Amber!

  19. Amen, sister!!

    I was raised by parents who believed in the biblical definition of "submission" and thought my dad was the "head of the house" and the leader in all authority. Basically, my mom was a frickin' door mat. No thank you.

    My husband jokes that he WISHES I was submissive so I would put out more :P I just laugh and tell him that its 2014, not 1964.

  20. I don't get the big fuss about what she said - to each his own. She's clearly stated she absolutely has a voice. Her husband doesn't just arbitrarily make all the decisions without her input.
    I also get the Biblical side that the men is considered the Spiritual Head of the Family -- because that also means the Responsibility, Accountability, Integrity, Honour ALL FALL on HIM as well. I don't think any man who takes those things seriously and to heart, is going to lead his family into trouble. Or, if he does, is not man enough to correct it. (and the Bible does actually say woe unto any man who leads his family astray for his own selfishness or power.)

    For me, this is applied in the really tough decisions where you just don't know what to do. The day to day is a partnership. But when you just don't know... there is discussion, and I trust and respect my husband to make the best decision for our family. IF he chooses wrong; well good luck with your happy home dummy. Fix it.
    It's really not that complicated or controversial.

  21. From a Christian standpoint, I totally get Candace Cameron's view, and I think a lot people are taking it the wrong way. I consider myself submissive. My husband makes most of the decisions in our family, but it doesn't mean I don't get a say in it. It's a complicated conversation, but it works for us!

  22. If it works for her family, swell. As long as no one is getting hurt, physically or mentally.
    I don't always win the discussion in my house but the ones I lose I have "fought" for my say. No submission. Of course one has to pick their battles too, some aren't worth the effort.

  23. Hi Amber,

    I agree that different things work for different people. It sounds like your husband values your opinion and trusts your instincts. Smart man.

  24. I can see this post, but nothing else. Do you have to be invited to your blog now? That makes me sad because I read every day :(

  25. When I was first married I was the submissive wife that did everything my husband wanted me to do. In my last relationship - once again, I was submissive but I still let my opinion known and sometimes, it was accepted. Now that I am single again, I am comfortable with what I think is right for myself and family and therefore will not allow it to happen once again.

  26. I think everyone has different ways of creating peace in their home. What works for Candace might not work for other people, but if it makes her happy and she has a peaceful home, it's FAR better than living in an abusive and dysfunctional home. My husband will come to me for help with decisions, but sometimes I tell him it's up to him in the end. I share my opinion, but I don't always expect him to heed to it. What's important is that we're married 10 years this spring and very happy together.

  27. Totally agree! I'm way too opinionated to be submissive! I think marriage is a compromise and no one is in charge.

  28. I can see how Candace being submissive would work perfectly fine in a marriage, but I could never do that. In my relationship, I think I'm actually more of the dominant one. My boyfriend usually goes with what I decide, even if I suggest going with what he wants instead. I guess it works for us, since we've been together for years and are happy. I just wish I could convince him to not be quite as submissive about decision making!

    The Girly Gamer


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