As I was packing Tommy's lunch he was like, "Oh, sometimes a boy eats the brownies you put in there."
I immediately stopped packing his lunch. I wanted to shout out, "The little punk kid! What's his name? I'll get his address. I'll talk to his mother." I swallowed it back. Composed myself. I answered, "Do they take it in a mean way?" Because if so, I'm going to kick the little punk kid's ass. I will hang the kid by his ankles and swing him around. Wait. No I won't. I'm not Jillian Michaels. I don't have the strength. <--Obviously I didn't say all that last bit. I wanted to.
Tommy shook his head. "No. He asks if he can have it. I don't want to be mean so I just nod."
Oh.
But still. Ugh. Tommy has autism and with that comes social anxiety. He doesn't talk much in school. He sort of just...blends in.
"If you want your brownie, just tell him no. Just say, 'I'm hungry today,'" I instructed.
"I'm hungry today," Tommy repeated. "I think I can do that."
"Maybe the poor kid is stuck eating carrots for lunch. Some parents do that, you know. They don't allow any sweets. You know, my parents didn't allow many sweets. And I'm proof that it can backfire if you constantly deny your kids." I made a show of opening the pantry and gesturing to the Little Debbie boxes as if I were Vanna White showing off the new puzzle.
"Maybe." Tommy shrugged. "I'm hungry today," he said again. Sometimes practicing what he wants to say helps him converse with his peers.
"Or you can just tell him no," I suggested.
Tommy's eyes went wide. "I don't want to be rude."
Rude? Pff. If someone tried to take my brownies I'd smack their hand. I've done this before when Tom tried to take a treat from me. "Mine," I said sharply. "Get your own."
I hope Tommy gets to eat his brownies. He doesn't get them all the time, maybe twice a week. I try to switch up his lunch. And I'm obviously not one of those mothers who denies her kids Little Debbie snacks.
Moderation. It's the key.
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the same thing happens to Jayce, except with his goldfish and doritos. He asks me to pack extra so he can give some to this other kid in his class who just is in the habit of taking things from my son's lunch. It pisses me off, too.
ReplyDeleteThat woulda pissed me off too! It's our "mama bear" mentality!!! And I agree on packing something sweet for our kids lunches!!! You can't deprive them!!!
ReplyDeleteLuckily, my Aspie is somewhat of a glutton. If someone asked him for his brownie he would probably say one of the following: "No, it's mine!" "Maybe a tiny piece." (it will be tiny) or "What are you going to give me for it?" Always negotiating.
ReplyDeleteBeen there, and I started packing two. Not always the solution, but in this case it will help him develop a friendship.
ReplyDeleteInstead of the kid asking, Tommy can offer. "Hey I got 2 brownies today, want one?"
Think of how much happier the kid will be that he doesn't have to ask. Think how much happier Tommy will be to get out of the role he was pushed into. Maybe it starts a friendship for Tommy. Win/win/win
Ugh. That makes me mad for him.
ReplyDeleteI'm really hoping this is a carrot situation and not a bully situation! Let us know how it turns out!!
ReplyDeleteI think you gave him PERFECT advice! It is being nice and feels comfortable for him. :)-Ashley
ReplyDeleteUGH! I can't. handle. it. when that happens to my kids. I mean, it doesn't really happen in preschool but I get neurotic when a friend borrows Scarlet's toys or when she leaves her toys at a friend's house.
ReplyDeleteHope Tommy is eating his brownie today!
I agree, moderation, but I am the mom that puts carrots in her kids lunches. I started putting an extra granola bar in one of my kids lunch because he was giving his to a friend that didn't get enough to eat in his lunch and was still hungry :(
ReplyDeleteYou did such a great job holding your tongue while providing wonderful advice! Please tell us if he was able to keep his brownie!! xo
ReplyDeleteI think it's wonderful how you gave him the tools he understands to be able to handle the situation. I love the fact that he practiced it. By doing that you have set him up for a successful interaction. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteThere's that one thing about parenting that worries me - you have no control over other kids. I think you made a great choice in how to handle the situation :) I would have said something similar and obviously your situation can be a little more complicated at times due to the challenges with Autism and social interactions - BUT - it appears that you've really got a good handle on it. And it's totally okay to beat a kid's ass in your head - I have thoughts like that quite frequently with the very frustrating population I work with :)
ReplyDeleteI sort of want to come hold that punk kid up by his ankles for you - I'm not Jillian Michaels but I can be pretty tough!!!
ReplyDeleteMy oldest son is super quite and kind of the same in that he will let everyone go before him and take what they want because he doesn't want to be rude.
I hope Tommy's new phrase works for him!!!
Yes, I would have felt like saying the same. Actually, my kids won't even tell me this stuff, because we work for the school, and they know what we can do...!
ReplyDeleteThat's sweet that he doesn't want to be rude. Hopefully it works out and he gets to eat his brownies without any further trouble.
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That is sad. I would be ticked if I found that out. My daughter is super quiet, and I could see her doing something like that. Ugh. Beat him up! Kidding. Don't do that, but hopefully your little man gets his brownies!!
ReplyDeleteAwwww... I feel so bad for him! It's sweet that he's so concerned about being rude though. :) I'm with you... touch my food and I'll cut you up!
ReplyDeleteOh I'd be holding that kid still for you so you could knock the rude out of him! I mean, how rude in the first place - to go begging for someone else's lunch food. honestly.
ReplyDeletemy son and his buddies will trade - and I am okay with that. but if I found out one of them actually bullied him for his food? ggggrrrrr - don't poke the mama bear.
I'd feel the same way! I get that "mother bear instinct" all the time whenever anyone messes with any of my kids. Your son sounds like a sweetheart!
ReplyDeleteWhen I used to teach preschool we had taken the kids to an arcade for a field trip. They each got four tokens to play on some of the video games. One kid came up to Frances and said, "If you give me your tokens, I'll win the game for you." Frances had no idea it was a scam and kindly handed over her tokens so she could watch the other kid play. I laugh about it now, but I was really annoyed when it happened.
ReplyDeleteI totally think he should get his own brownie. I love your advice.
ReplyDeleteAww. Poor guy. I always had a hard time saying no too. Did it happen again?
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