Friday, January 29, 2016

I Can't Deal With Puke

I started feeling sick in the evening. Tom was all, "Just puke. You'll feel better."

I don't deal well with puke. I cry when I do it. I gag when my children do it. If I can avoid puke, I will.

"I'll take medicine," I said, reaching for the Motrin bottle.

I was out of it for the rest of the evening. I went right to sleep when I got into bed. I was up multiple times in the night with an aching stomach. I knew Tom would say, "Just puke. You'll feel better." But I couldn't!

And then at 4 AM, I heard puking sounds coming from the hall.

At this point my stomach was feeling a little better--you see Tom, I didn't have to puke!--so I went out to see who was getting sick. I crossed my fingers. Please let vomit not be all over the hallway, please let vomit not be all over the hallway...

I found Natalie in front of the toilet.

"Mommy," she croaked. "I'm..." But she didn't finish, because she barfed into the toilet.

My eyes scanned the hallway. No puke!

"Did you...get sick anywhere else?" I asked. And then I felt horrible, because my kid was obviously sick, and I'm more concerned about having to clean up.

"No," Natalie answered when she was finished upchucking. She had a dribble of vomit on her lower lip and to my horror, she started to walk towards me.

"Vomit!" I screeched. "Vomit!" I pointed dramatically to the spot. I reached for a wash cloth and wiped Natalie's mouth.

Some mothers are all, "When you have kids, you deal with their blood, snot, and vomit like it's nothing."

I'm here to say this is a lie. I feel weak when I see their blood. I back away when I see their snot. And I go into a panic when I see vomit.

I tucked Natalie back into her bed.

"Mommy," she croaked. "Please move my stuffed animals away from me. They'll be offended if I puke on them."

I obeyed her request and moved her friends to the end of her bed.

I set the barf bucket beside her.

"Please," I pleaded. "If you feel sick, do it in here."

She did get sick a few more times. But I'm happy to say she did it in the bucket.

Obviously she did not go to school. She lounged on the couch and I introduced her to some of the shows I watch. Like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

"That's Yolanda," I said, pointing. "The rest of the ladies are wondering if she's really sick."

Natalie's eyes went wide. "She's lying about being sick?"

I shrugged. "Nobody knows. But," I said in a scandalous tone, "her husband DID just leave her."

"Wow," Natalie breathed.

I gestured to the screen. "That's Lisa Vanderpump. She's massively rich."

"Vanderpump is a funny last name," Natalie informed me.

After that show, I put on Teen Mom.

"Don't ever act like Farrah," I said.

"She's not very nice," Natalie answered, scowling at the screen. "Why does her face look like that? Why is she yelling all the time?"

"She lives in Texas. Do you want to go save Sophia with me?"

Natalie nodded but then went, "You watch some strange things."

The good news is she started to feel better:

She was back to dancing around and SPEAKING LIKE THIS when I was trying to watch my show.

So she went to school the next day:

And now I have to hope that I won't have to deal with puke again for a very long time.


  1. Omg Military Husband tells me that same shit. Is it a military thing??
    Also, I'm so glad she's well! My mom doesn't do puke, blood or poo either. It doesn't bother me too much.
    And finally, I'm so glad you're introducing her to RHOBH! Maybe one day she'll be filthy rich like Lisa.

  2. Puke and snot don't faze me anymore but blood is another story. My mom always got hysterical when we got hurt when we were kids though, so I work hard not to show it. I don't want to make it worse for them, if I can help it.

  3. yuck - I am the same way, I can change any disgusting poopie diaper but puke, blech, makes me cringe just thinking of it.
    Glad to hear and see that she's feeling better though!

  4. Ah! I don't deal well with it either. If I remember correctly, I believe maybe my kids dealt with their own throw up. (My memory sometimes wigs out on me (82). I know that I will swallow all night to keep from regurgitating. Glad Natalie got better soon. Ruby aka Blabbin' Grammy.

  5. Glad you are both feeling better and stars for Amy for keeping her puke contained. Surprisingly, I can deal with it all, puke, poop, snot, blood. Something in me takes it on, deals and soothes. When the emergency is over, all is cleaned up, you can find me sitting in a dark corner, sucking my thumb and crying!

  6. Vomit doesn't bother me but loose teeth bring me to my knees. I just can't deal with those.

    Fun Teen Mom fact: Kailyn lives about 30 minutes from me. I'd never seen her in person until a few weeks ago when we went to an indoor trampoline park and she was there with her friends and family. No cameras were there, so that was nice. She looks EXACTLY like she does on TV.

  7. That's so cute she requested her fellow fluffy friends be moved as a polite gesture.
    Teen Mom is still on !? Remember Kaitlyn and Tyler (put up baby for adoption)? They both went to my school. Tyler bible school , Kaitlyn in softball also. We were just kids and preteens back then. Would you believe Kaitlyn was a biiiitch? Haha. Farah is whack without the crack...
    I love reading about your daughter. She's full of spunk, models pictures great, and sounds too cute to be true. Hope you both feel better!

    - Harlynn

  8. I'm right there with you... I can't handle vomit... everything else I'm ok with, or can at least handle... but that??? NO. I'm glad Natalie is feeling better and you didn't have to clean it up from the carpet or stuffed animals!

  9. I don't do well with puke either. Glad Natalie is better!

  10. It's funny reading the comments above, that we all have our own kryptonite. Puke is the worst. Does Motrin really help, though? I have never heard of that one!
    Glad her bug was quick and she got to watch some good/bad TV with you!

  11. I cry too. Yuck!
    I'm glad Natalie is feeling better!! Hopefully, there will be no more puke in the future.

  12. Bahaha! Oh, this is so funny... especially since we JUST did all the puking fun at my house a couple of weeks ago. I loved that you had your daughter watch your normal shows... ahh, what us moms do during the day while they are at school. :)


  13. hilarious. I'm so sorry, I HATE puke. That's like my worst nightmare.

  14. I can't do blood. Luckily my husband has been home for all blood related emergencies. Glad Natalie is feeling better.

  15. lol, this is fabulous and while I hate puke as well, I actually hate being nauseous more! I would prefer to just puke and be done. Hope your home stays puke free for a long while!

  16. My mom was always so good about body fluids, but she's a nurse, so she's totally used to it... me on the other hand? no no no. I don't even want to deal with it... but I suppose I'll have to.

  17. Glad to hear she's feeling better. My 21 yoa daughter freaks out at the thought of anyone puking too.

  18. Puking is the worst...! I'm glad it's been a while since I've done that, but now that I've said it, I will probably puke again soon. Glad you are both feeling better!

  19. Oh man, reading this made me feel sick to my stomach! well written!

  20. I'll do anything I possibly can to avoid puke. I have a huge fear of doing it. I can deal with snot, blood and feces but keep the puke away.


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