Friday, January 22, 2016

Unrealistic And Unreasonable Things I've Said As A Military Spouse

My husband has been in the Air Force for nearly 15 years now. We've gone through multiple deployments, TDYs, and a year long Korea tour. I've said some pretty ridiculous things throughout the years.

Here are just some of them.










1. "Tell them you can't deploy. We have plans." Surprisingly, this doesn't work.


2. "We have to explain to housing that we need a four bedroom home because we have a lot of stuff." I once asked just to see. I was laughed at.


3. "No. You can't go." When he told me he had to deploy. He still went.


4. "Why is the gate closed? I have places to go!" My husband is security forces and hates people who complain like this. Sorry, Tom. I know everyone is doing their job. But this usually always happens when I have an appointment to get to, and you know I HATE to be late.


5. "Do you think I should go be best friends with the base commander's wife like on Army Wives?" I don't even know who the base commander's wife IS.


6. "Before combat, do you all sing One Day More from Les Miserables?" Tom said WTF?


7. "I'm not cooking dinner tonight. Have a MRE." Met by a blank expression.


8. "When you deploy, don't talk to women. At all. Mime your responses." Unrealistic. Many strong women are in the military. Many don't care about your husbands. But there are a select few with loose morals. It's these women that make spouses suspicious. (I also know there are men with loose morals. See: Duggar, Josh.)


9. "Do you stand up and go 'expert, bitches!' when you get expert when you fire your weapon?" Tom said WTF?


10. "Do you listen to the Rocky theme while doing your PT test?" Answer? Sometimes. Sweet!


11. "Have you ever farted during the sit up portion of the PT test?" Tom said WTF?


12. "If you fail your PT test, blame it on me. Say I keep buying Little Debbie snacks and you can't help yourself." Tom suggested I just not buy junk food. Asked him if he wanted me to curl in a ball and shout expletives, because I would turn into a moody MOFO without my treats.


13. "Why aren't you getting paid millions of dollars for risking your life?" Tom said, I signed up to defend my country because I love her. Not for the money. (Still. If you're risking your life you should get millions. Not football players who run around in tight pants. They might get concussions, but at least they have millions to fall back on. You get wounded and you're left with bills and a VA hospital who could give a rat's ass.)



Have you said anything crazy to your spouse?

55 comments:

  1. Lmfao right? Why does Jay Z get 500 billion dollars and our husbands get peanuts? Da f*ck world is this fair? It's truly the hard knock life.
    PS I like that Les Mis idea. The world would be so fun if it was just one giant musical production at least once a month.

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  2. I literally laughed out loud at the PT question. I've always wondered the same thing! I love 8 & 9 too!

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  3. My mother has often offered to write a note to the President excusing my brother from his deployments and TDYs. Sean always laughs, and always goes because nobody cares that Sean's mom said he can't go.

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  4. Haha! Number 4 definitely always happens when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere... of course!

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  5. haha! i've wondered that too--if anyone farted during pt. because i farted the one time i tried yoga in public.

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  6. I love that you can laugh at this and invite us in to laugh with you. All I can add to that is THANK YOU to your family for your service. God bless you!

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  7. I say crazy things to my husband daily! I love 11 and 13 the most but I bet I'd say 3 the most.

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  8. I miss being an Army wife - and have since 1985 - LOL!!!!!! Hang in there!

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  9. I told my husband he couldn't go, he did. I've wondered about #13 all my life being an Army brat and then marry a soldier, it doesn't make sense to me. Hazardous pay needs to be multiplied by a million. :)
    There's a lot of loosey goosey....
    My husband has told me some pretty funny stories about PT test day. :D
    XOXO

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  10. I'm totally calling BS on the fart. If they can roll over in their sleep and let them rip all night long, someone's farting during sit-ups. So much pressure on their stomachs. Something is bound to slip out.

    Question I've asked: Do you really have to watch all those guys pee during UAs?

    Answer: Yes. It's a real sausage fest...

    He's an Army Medic...

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  11. Okay, #6 is awesome and should happen! And, don't forget songs from Mulan :)

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  12. I would think the rocky theme is a must. Also wtf are they not getting millions. It's insane

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  13. "Why aren't you getting paid a million dollars for risking your life?'
    I love question, and his response. So uplifting!

    - Harlynn
    mindyourmadness.blogspot.com

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  14. Same conversations here - almost - being married to a police officer. Like, no sorry m'am you're husband cannot help with your child's birthday party you have planned for months where 10 small wrecking balls in the form of kindergarten children will tear through your house, because we need him to sit in a parked car in the freezing cold and tell us if this bad guy comes out of his house. All weekend. Yes, he might get dead if said bad guy comes out and sees him. No, you can't sit in the car and watch a movie with him. That is not our definition of "under cover." No, he won't make enough money for you to run away to Mexico when he's done.
    You've inspired me. I may have to do a similar post of my own. :)

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  15. We have friends who are in the Air Force, and I can totally picture her asking some of these questions to her husband. I think she considered not moving when they found out they were going to Minot for three years, but now they're in Italy. I think the time in Minot was probably worth it lol

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  16. He should be getting paid millions. If I was in charge he would!

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  17. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA girl this post is the BEST. Seriously one of my favorites to date. Brings me back to the base...and also my days as a medic. I definitely would've answered "yes" to 9, 10, and 11.....ALL. THE. TIME. I actually got in a lot of trouble because of my mouth...imagine that, huh? I wasn't snotty or rude, I just never shut the hell up.

    I think you are phenomenal and fantastic and your hubby is too. Happy to read your posts :)

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  18. Hahaha! I immediately asked Cass if he farted during his situps and he didn't even bat an eye. He said, "No, but I've heard of people doing it." I don't even need to ask him about #9. I already know he would, and probably did.

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  19. *snicker* I know for a FACT my Dh farts during the sit up portion of PT. All the time. Because I've worked out with him. He says he can't help it but I don't seem to have this problem... ;)

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  20. This just made my day I totally understand you I would also ask some of these, like your not going anywhere and the millions part. Loved it.

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  21. Being married to a retired military person I had to laugh at these. Okay maybe just maybe I have said some of these thing. Especially the MRE’s.

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  22. It must be really hard having no control over when and where you end up. I hope it's an adventure you look back on fondly and I do hope the pay goes up! I agree about the millions :)

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  23. It has to be frustrating to have absolutely no control. I am pretty sure I would Say the same things as you are. I just would want some control LOL.

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  24. These are all very funny but I am so grateful to live in a country with men like your husband who keep us free. I hope he gets everything he deserves for his service.

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  25. I'm laughing....hopefully WITH you and not at you. I bet that life is hard. I wouldn't know. Bless your husband for defending our country.

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  26. Oh you have totally shattered my illusion. My only experience of military life is from Army Wives (I am in the UK) and I thought that was how it was like!

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  27. Whoa! Amber you are seriously crazy. My dad was a police officer. My mom and dad if were there I'd show this to them and tell you their response.

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  28. How funny! I'm sure it is challenging to be in this situation, but I love that you're making the best of it. :)

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  29. Bahahha I just asked my husband the fart question and he said "I'm sure I have..." *facepalm* lol

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  30. I remember when you wrote this, LOL!

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  31. Yes. I have said plenty over the 41 years. I've asked the fart question about burpees. I have asked him to make a salad for dinner. That one was really fun.

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  32. LOL. This is so funny to read. I am actually curious if they "ever farted during a sit up portion of the PT test" HAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  33. haha...It such a funny post. I couldn't help laughing on number 11 and the best one is number 3.

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  34. I guess we will never know the answer to the fart question. LOL I've asked him so many crazy questions. I wouldn't even know where to start.

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  35. Oh my goodness, I'm dying. I grew up in a military family (my grandfather was active duty) and have so much respect for military wives and children. Thanks, mama!

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  36. Believe it or not, we still have MRE's even though my husband has retired for 8 years now. We lived in Korea too for almost two years, I miss it.

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  37. Oh gosh, I don't know how you do it! I would all those questions and more! LOL!!

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  38. I'm sure in the same position I'd be saying some of he same things too! Lol. My mom grew up in a military family and told me many stories! - Jeanine

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  39. I'm not a military spouse, but I still say some crazy things to my husband. Since he's a man of few words, I'll do both our parts when in dialogue. M: I don't want to cook, what should we order. Me as him: Britt, you said that you won't ask to order out again if we did:fillintheblank: M: well that was a week ago, let's do it now. Me as him: How are we going to save if you want to eat out all of the time. M: What's the point of saving if you're going to never use that amount. M as him: Rolls eyes.

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  40. I can't imagine what it's like to be an Army wife. I supposed I would've said those things too, more or less. Specially the, "tell them you can't go".

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  41. hahahha, 3 & 8 I can relate! Oh, man I like his answers. I am glad that my husband is retired now, and I don't have to worry about deployment and stuff. Thanks for sharing!

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  42. awwwww i can only imagine! hope nothing but the best for you and family <3

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  43. Admitting it though makes you a wise person. So glad you and your family are learning!

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  44. You really nailed this on the head. I am glad to see you are the kind of person who admits it and learns from it though!

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  45. #1 is a good one! Thank you for sharing this. I actually considered joining the military at some point in time.

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  46. Some of these are hilarious. The last one is true. Teachers and military should def. get more pay.

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  47. This is so funny, but in the same time I totally understand you. Life can be hard and unfair sometimes.

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  48. Amen to number 13! I have lots of military family friends, and it breaks my heart when their daddy/husband has to go away. Thanks to your hubby (and you and your kids) for his service!

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  49. This hilariously out of control. I keep on smiling while reading it. Number 13 is my favorite.

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  50. Thanks so much for sharing your real self in this post. Thanks so much to your husband (and your and your children for your sacrifice) for his service.

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  51. This was such a fun post. The military is not something i am familiar with but i can only imagine how tough it might be to be a military spouse sometimes!

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  52. 11 and 12 are epic, your posts always make me laugh,enjoyed reading. I not family with military family. But I how tough you guys are going through.

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Thanks for the comment!

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