Friday, January 22, 2016

Unrealistic And Unreasonable Things I've Said As A Military Spouse

My husband has been in the Air Force for nearly 15 years now. We've gone through multiple deployments, TDYs, and a year long Korea tour. I've said some pretty ridiculous things throughout the years.

Here are just some of them.

1. "Tell them you can't deploy. We have plans." Surprisingly, this doesn't work.

2. "We have to explain to housing that we need a four bedroom home because we have a lot of stuff." I once asked just to see. I was laughed at.

3. "No. You can't go." When he told me he had to deploy. He still went.

4. "Why is the gate closed? I have places to go!" My husband is security forces and hates people who complain like this. Sorry, Tom. I know everyone is doing their job. But this usually always happens when I have an appointment to get to, and you know I HATE to be late.

5. "Do you think I should go be best friends with the base commander's wife like on Army Wives?" I don't even know who the base commander's wife IS.

6. "Before combat, do you all sing One Day More from Les Miserables?" Tom said WTF?

7. "I'm not cooking dinner tonight. Have a MRE." Met by a blank expression.

8. "When you deploy, don't talk to women. At all. Mime your responses." Unrealistic. Many strong women are in the military. Many don't care about your husbands. But there are a select few with loose morals. It's these women that make spouses suspicious. (I also know there are men with loose morals. See: Duggar, Josh.)

9. "Do you stand up and go 'expert, bitches!' when you get expert when you fire your weapon?" Tom said WTF?

10. "Do you listen to the Rocky theme while doing your PT test?" Answer? Sometimes. Sweet!

11. "Have you ever farted during the sit up portion of the PT test?" Tom said WTF?

12. "If you fail your PT test, blame it on me. Say I keep buying Little Debbie snacks and you can't help yourself." Tom suggested I just not buy junk food. Asked him if he wanted me to curl in a ball and shout expletives, because I would turn into a moody MOFO without my treats.

13. "Why aren't you getting paid millions of dollars for risking your life?" Tom said, I signed up to defend my country because I love her. Not for the money. (Still. If you're risking your life you should get millions. Not football players who run around in tight pants. They might get concussions, but at least they have millions to fall back on. You get wounded and you're left with bills and a VA hospital who could give a rat's ass.)

Have you said anything crazy to your spouse?


  1. Lmfao right? Why does Jay Z get 500 billion dollars and our husbands get peanuts? Da f*ck world is this fair? It's truly the hard knock life.
    PS I like that Les Mis idea. The world would be so fun if it was just one giant musical production at least once a month.

  2. I literally laughed out loud at the PT question. I've always wondered the same thing! I love 8 & 9 too!

  3. My mother has often offered to write a note to the President excusing my brother from his deployments and TDYs. Sean always laughs, and always goes because nobody cares that Sean's mom said he can't go.

  4. Haha! Number 4 definitely always happens when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere... of course!

  5. haha! i've wondered that too--if anyone farted during pt. because i farted the one time i tried yoga in public.

  6. I love that you can laugh at this and invite us in to laugh with you. All I can add to that is THANK YOU to your family for your service. God bless you!

  7. I say crazy things to my husband daily! I love 11 and 13 the most but I bet I'd say 3 the most.

  8. I miss being an Army wife - and have since 1985 - LOL!!!!!! Hang in there!

  9. I told my husband he couldn't go, he did. I've wondered about #13 all my life being an Army brat and then marry a soldier, it doesn't make sense to me. Hazardous pay needs to be multiplied by a million. :)
    There's a lot of loosey goosey....
    My husband has told me some pretty funny stories about PT test day. :D

  10. I'm totally calling BS on the fart. If they can roll over in their sleep and let them rip all night long, someone's farting during sit-ups. So much pressure on their stomachs. Something is bound to slip out.

    Question I've asked: Do you really have to watch all those guys pee during UAs?

    Answer: Yes. It's a real sausage fest...

    He's an Army Medic...

  11. Okay, #6 is awesome and should happen! And, don't forget songs from Mulan :)

  12. I would think the rocky theme is a must. Also wtf are they not getting millions. It's insane

  13. "Why aren't you getting paid a million dollars for risking your life?'
    I love question, and his response. So uplifting!

    - Harlynn

  14. Same conversations here - almost - being married to a police officer. Like, no sorry m'am you're husband cannot help with your child's birthday party you have planned for months where 10 small wrecking balls in the form of kindergarten children will tear through your house, because we need him to sit in a parked car in the freezing cold and tell us if this bad guy comes out of his house. All weekend. Yes, he might get dead if said bad guy comes out and sees him. No, you can't sit in the car and watch a movie with him. That is not our definition of "under cover." No, he won't make enough money for you to run away to Mexico when he's done.
    You've inspired me. I may have to do a similar post of my own. :)

  15. We have friends who are in the Air Force, and I can totally picture her asking some of these questions to her husband. I think she considered not moving when they found out they were going to Minot for three years, but now they're in Italy. I think the time in Minot was probably worth it lol

  16. He should be getting paid millions. If I was in charge he would!

  17. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA girl this post is the BEST. Seriously one of my favorites to date. Brings me back to the base...and also my days as a medic. I definitely would've answered "yes" to 9, 10, and 11.....ALL. THE. TIME. I actually got in a lot of trouble because of my mouth...imagine that, huh? I wasn't snotty or rude, I just never shut the hell up.

    I think you are phenomenal and fantastic and your hubby is too. Happy to read your posts :)

  18. Hahaha! I immediately asked Cass if he farted during his situps and he didn't even bat an eye. He said, "No, but I've heard of people doing it." I don't even need to ask him about #9. I already know he would, and probably did.

  19. *snicker* I know for a FACT my Dh farts during the sit up portion of PT. All the time. Because I've worked out with him. He says he can't help it but I don't seem to have this problem... ;)


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