What Exactly Are Shopkins, And Why Are They All Over The House?

"Ouch!" I shrieked as my bare foot connected with plastic nonsense.

"Mommy!" Natalie yelped, and for a second I thought she was going to ask if I was okay. Instead she went, "You HURT them!"

"Who is THEM?" I bellowed, limping to the couch.

"My SHOPKINS," Natalie answered, mortally offended. She scooped up the weapons and hugged them against her chest.

"What exactly ARE they?" I demanded, massaging my wounded foot.

"Shopkins." Natalie gave me the same look I give to Donald Trump whenever he speaks.

"I know," I replied patiently. "But what exactly are they?"

Shopkins came into our lives about a year ago. I blame YouTube. Natalie watches videos where people review different toys and suddenly she was telling me, "CookieSwirlC got some Shopkins!" Soon after there were these colorful objects with eyes in my home because Natalie started spending her allowance on "blind bags." Before I knew what was happening, the house was filled with these things.

"Are they food?" I wanted to know. "With eyes?"

Natalie sighed. "No. They're all sorts of things."

"Margarine?" I questioned. "But why?"

"Because! She's beautiful," Natalie explained.

These things have cutsey names like Birthday Betty and Flappy Cap.

"And they're to play with?" I wanted to know, inspecting one that looked like a washing machine.

"Yes. And to trade."

"What's the goal?"

Natalie blinked at me.

"I mean...what's the point?"

Natalie rubbed her temples. Our roles had reversed. Normally I'm the one rubbing my temples when she's asking me things.

"It's to have fun!" Natalie finally replied. "I love them!"

Oh. Okay. For her birthday, she received some play sets, because of course you can't just COLLECT Shopkins.

And the other day my husband came across a Shopkins (or would it be ShopKIN?), because since they are small, they end up all over the house.

"What," Tom began, "is this?" He held up the toy between his thumb and forefinger.

"Oh," Natalie said simply. "That's Blue Flushes Toilet."

"What the fu--" Tom began, and I shot him a look, so he swallowed the rest down. But I shared his confusion. A toilet Shopkins? But why?

"Is she rare?" I wondered, because I noticed there were "rare" and "limited edition" Shopkins. I assume these are worth more. Maybe the toilet could pay our cable bill.

Natalie shook her head. "I don't think so."

"But if she were...maybe I could list her on eBay and.."

"What! I can't GET RID of my Shopkins!" Natalie looked appalled at the thought.

"But if you trade them, you're sort of getting rid of them," I pointed out.

"I'm trading ONE friend for a NEW friend." I swear Natalie added "Duh" under her breath.

I doubt I'll fully understand Shopkins. But it's okay, because Natalie does. I'll just have to watch where I step, because they are everywhere. It might not hurt as much as stepping on Legos, but it still stings.

And if I think this is the only thing tweens like to trade, I am mistaken. The other day at Toys R Us Natalie spent the rest of her birthday money and calmly told me, "I'm collecting Num Noms now."

Having a girl is fun.