Sunday, May 7, 2017

I'm Her Dad

Most of the time I'm with the kids. This is because Tom works a lot. He's in the military so his schedule can be crazy. He has never worked a 9-5 job. But sometimes he's with them on his own. My teenager, Tommy, basically stays in his room so Tom doesn't do much with him.

But Natalie?

Well.

"Okay, so you need to check on Natalie at least once every half hour. Sometimes the other kids can be mean. If she's crying, remind her that she doesn't need friends like that. Tell her to take deep breaths and that it's not the end of the world."

These were my instructions to Tom, who looked irritated. He gave me a time-out sign.

"Why are you telling me how to take care of my daughter? I'm her Dad."



I blinked.

"You've always done this when I'm capable of parenting," he continued.

This is true. When she was younger and I was gone, I had much more instructions.

"If she's doing a silly dance, it probably means she needs to pee. Ask her if she needs to go. She's nearly potty trained but she's being extra stubborn. If it's quiet for too long, check on her. She's sneaky. Keep the front door locked. She thinks it's funny to escape."



He'd get irritated then, too. But, well, I stay home with her. I know what she's like. He sees her for snippets at a time.

Plus, now that Natalie is older, she has Mood Swings. She had one for the first time in front of Tom. She burst in the house sobbing because her friends "left her behind." She was gasping for air as snot bubbled from her nose. Tom was on the couch and he took at his precious angel like she was possessed. Sometimes I wonder if she is.

"They left me! They just left! What sort of friends DO that?" she wailed.

"What's wrong with her?" Tom asked me from the side of his mouth. Oh sure he's seen her cry before, but not like this. Not hysterical.

"Welcome to the world of a tween," I replied. "This is what I get to deal with when you're at work."

Tom looked like he was pleased that he got to escape to work.

This is why I gave Tom the instructions I did before I left. Suppose she flipped out when I was gone? Would he know what to do? Because the last time he saw her Transform, he was like, "Knock it off. Find other friends. Geez." Followed by, "Boys don't act like that. We move on quickly. Men. We know how to be friends."



Needless to say, it did not help Natalie.

"You don't understand!" she had shrieked. "No one does!"

And then she thundered up the stairs to her room. I imagine she flung herself dramatically on the bed.

"What was that?" Tom asked, bewildered.

"I told you: a tween girl."

I know Tom was picturing Natalie as a tiny kid, where she happily ran to her Daddy--she's always been a Daddy's Girl. Daddy could make it all better.



But now?

Now we're embarking on different times. A joke wasn't going to cut it anymore. A tickle under the armpit wouldn't cause shrieking giggles but instead an indignant, "Don't TOUCH me!"

So yes. I'll remind him how to calm her down before I go.

"If all else fails," I told him the last time I went, "offer her chocolate."



Because as we know, chocolate helps make things better.

65 comments:

  1. My husband is a great dad, but I never leave him on his own with the kids without instructions. Sure he is capable, but he WILL Mess something up....

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  2. Oh gosh! The tween years! And then, the teenage girl. Hahaha. It all sounds so familiar. I totally remember slamming my door and hating my mom. She was evil! WHY couldn't I do what I wanted!!

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  3. Oh the tween years!!! I was terrible to my parents as a tween haha! I am fully expecting E to be the same way.

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  4. My daughter is coming upto 8 and there is such a huge difference in how she is. It feels like a move away from dolls and the princess games of her younger years. Where do the years go!

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  5. My husband was always a natural with the kids! Now that my son and his wife are expecting their first child, I find myself lecturing him on how to hold a baby, etc. I need to back off a bit. :)

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  6. I might have to try the chocolate trick.

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  7. There is nothing as sweet as the father-daughter relationship. Your daughter is so cute!

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  8. Wow! He seems like he is a wonderful dad.

    ..and yes, chocolate solves everything lol.

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  9. My daughter is still a month away from being born (hopefully), but my husband has already determined the best way to parent her is to build a moat around our house. I can only imagine how bad it's going to get when she's a tween! I don't blame you for leaving him instructions, adult men hardly ever understand adult women, there's no way they'll understand tweens!

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  10. Chocolate. Yes.
    Scarlet is seven and completely bewildering to us sometimes. I'd love to say I relate, but I don't remember really being like that until later years. And of course, my circumstances were different. But I so get this. Cassidy is not home the way I am and I do give him instructions like he doesn't know what he's doing.

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  11. You posted this in perfect timing... I'm so glad I read this! My husband travels a lot and my boys miss him very much

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  12. I love the chocolate advice. Someone needs to give me chocolate when I get in a rage.

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  13. Ah yes. Girls. I have 3 and the oldest is a tween. My husband is a police officer so he is gone a lot. I always leave him detailed instructions about the girls and I always get the "I got this." It's nice to see I'm not the only one who deals with this too.

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  14. I remember being just as dramatic when I was a tween girl! But you're right, chocolate can fix just about anything!

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  15. Yep those tween girls can be mean girls. Wouldn't want to go through that stage ever again. Chocolate does help and some music and a good teen magazine.

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  16. I'm not looking forward to the tween years! But Dad's always parent in their own way. We may not agree, but most of the time, it works!

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  17. Chocolate DOES helps make things better! This brought me back to my tween days. I swear the littlest thing could happen and I would think it was the end of the world. I was so dramatic.

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  18. Haha chocolate makes everything taste better! But I understand where you are coming from, when you only see a snippet of a scene you have no idea how things go down for the rest of the day and I can imagine that it must be hard for you sometimes x

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  19. I believe that every man or women who is not with their children all the time, reacts like Tom did because they don't see it most of the time. It is smart to remind them what to do during these situations. Chocolate does indeed make things better sometimes. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  20. HAH! Chocolate definitely makes all things better. Parenting tweens and teens is tough no matter how much time you spend with them!

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  21. I'm starting to get those mood swings from my 11 year old. Tweens can be really dramatic and hormonal and it can be tough to understand them.

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  22. I do not have any children yet. But I know when I do my Fiance will be the best father to our son(s) and or daughter(s). He will be able to handle any situation just like your husband can.

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  23. I like your last thought. Yeah chocolates makes everythings better. Or for some they eat ice creams or cupcakes. My boyfriend thinks am feeling sad when I ask him of cupcakes (but actually I just like to photograph them) :)

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  24. Chocolate does make everything just a bit better definitely. Being a dad I can understand that. Missing so much time and then trying to learn on the fly. Of course when I have my daughter every other weekend I have her the whole time. So I do know her moods a little bit.

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  25. Aw how sweet! And yes chocolate does make everything better always!

    XOXO // Check out my latest post if you like ;)
    SINCERELY OPHELIA | SHOPAHOLIC?! Counter attack!

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  26. I have two girls quite close in age and am dreading the moody tweet years. You're right tho chocolate helps everything!

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  27. I'm a little scared now to have a tween! My son is now 9 years old and it won't be long before he becomes one. Buti'm so glad that chocolates still work.

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  28. I survived this phase of parenting! Oh my goodness. I think those were the most difficult days, next to letting your teen drive alone for the first time. I did get my pantry stocked in the chocolate during those days. :)

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  29. This is something that my sister can relate to. I saw firsthand how she leaves a lot of instructions before leaving her daughter to her husband.

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  30. He is wonderful dad, nice post. While reading it feels like my own story. Chocolate definitely makes all things better.

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  31. He seems like an amazing father. I just can help not to laugh when imagining the look on his face when he say her princess going on a bad mood. I commend you for being a wonderful mother and being able to know the moods and needs of your child.

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  32. What a beautiful post. My daughter needs that chocolate shirt, she is also happier when eating chocolate!

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  33. Chocolate is never a bad thing LOL. I have a really great relationship with my Dad, I always have. He's always gotten me, no matter what age I was.

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  34. What a sweet post. I was the keeper of all things kid related the first few years of their lives, but when I returned to work my husband stepped in like a champ. He is the best pony tail hair styling, cheer dad, and lover of all things that sparkle for my girls. I truly am blessed.

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  35. I've never had a good relationship with my father. Mostly because he was always working. Now 10 years after I've moved out and he's semi retired, we still don't have a great relationship. I always blame him working all the time when I was a child. I hope for your family it will work out differently. It sounds like he's doing well thus far.

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  36. There will always be a difficult phase in raising kids. My kids would either react like everything is a major emergency or they'd just fall quiet for hours. I did the best I could do to survive that phase of parenting and yes, chocolate did help a lot. :)

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  37. What an amazing dad! My boyfriends helps a lot more than he use too beings that my son is older now. When he was younger its like my boyfriend was scared to even hold him! lol

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  38. He seems like a good and caring dad! Yes, if all fails, chocolate usually does.

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  39. My older daughter is 5 ... about to be 6 in a few weeks. It's crazy how quickly the time flies. Sometimes I do think she acts like a teenager though lol.

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  40. I always leave instructions when I have to leave, too. LOL!! I'm glad this is actually normally for moms/wives. I usually write the instructions on a dry erase board in our kitchen. That way my husband and teens know what to do while I'm away. Other than that, my husband is really good with the kids when I'm gone. But of course, I always get calls and text messages blowing up my phone! haha

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  41. Aww, there are a lot of emotions during the tween years! My 6 year old is already starting to act like a tween! The pictures of your daughter and husband are very sweet!

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  42. I have yet to experience what it's like to have a teen! I assume it's going to be packed with breakdowns and what-not. Lol. I think it's funny how moms are, I am like that as well, always leaving instructions.

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  43. This is so cute. She is growing up and experiencing life. He is adjusting. I am sure he is thankful for you.

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  44. For years I never left my son with his father without a list of instructions. Otherwise, I never knew what I would come home to, or I would get a million calls with questions!

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  45. Chocolate makes almost EVERYTHING better ;)! You have such adorable littles!!!! I can totally relate to leaving lots of "instructions"---I'm completely the same way.

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  46. Chocolate definitely makes everything better. I could do with some chocolate right now...! But yea, parenting tweens is hard work for both mums and dads, for sure!

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  47. Chocolate makes everything better! My husband is an amazing dad, but I think moms just have that special touch.

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  48. My husband has to watch the kids on his own enough that I don't have to worry about it. He does a great job. It has been a learning curve though.

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  49. I think that's always going to be a trademark for moms. We will never fail to leave little instructions to anyone we leave our babies to.

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  50. I love this! "Leave her chocolate!" I also love how you described your daughter and her father's relationship. Beautiful!

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  51. Sometimes my husband deals with something with the kids TOTALLY differently than I would, and I come to find out that it's okay. His response might help them in a different way than mine would, or at least help them to see a different side of the situation. It's hard not to want my husband to be the same as me, but the kids don't want or need two of me. Both of us have strengths.

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  52. I understand this struggle. My husband is also in the Air Force and it gets hard sometimes. The 14-15 hour days seem to drag with a 9 month old and sometimes all he wants to do is cling on to me and cuddle/eat. I wish, that it was easier but sometimes it's not. However just know that you are doing an amazing job!

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  53. Yes, I can totally relate. We know how much of a great dads our husbands are but we do stay home with the kids and we just know them better.and yes, chocolate is also the answer with my daughter.

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  54. Aw this post is so super sweet!!! Chocolate is always the answer haha xxx

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  55. Oh, man, those tween years are gonna sneak up on me! I can so see my daughter being EXACTLY like this.

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  56. Your daughter has a great dad and a phenomenal male figure. Love this.

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  57. I love this post. We need to celebrate dad's more. Your daughter is so lucky but dad seems pretyy lucky too:)

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  58. I love this! What a beautiful post and a great way to celebrate dads more!

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  59. I completely understand! As a stay at home mom, I just know how to talk to my kids. Even the preschooler. My husband says I'm babying her. When in all reality, when she's throwing her fit, I just know how to talk to her to stop crying and screaming, and in the end do what I want!

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  60. tweens are hard for everyone. i think your chocolate solution is very wise!!!

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  61. Hubby brings me the chocolate OH he knows lol.. I've got 10 yr old daughter and I am SOOOO scared for what is to come Ha... Why is there so much drama in the 4th grade of course I have to think did I live this too ha.. OHH man I've got 2 teenage boys 14,18 yeah it can get interesting. Right now I'm dealing with all the "fun" and it's funny when I do "escape" I do have instructions for my husband ha.. I will text to see how the youngest and he'll text me a picture and say see she's still alive ha!

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  62. I enjoy reading this post so much! Haha..I don't have children yet but I look after my nieces and nephew when my brother and sister are away and I somehow can understand what this post talking about. They grow up and each stage need different way to handle. Haha..Oh..missing my nieces and nephews!

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  63. Yes, chocolate is always the answer :)

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  64. That is a bit of a hard situation, but I think it is right to let him know a few things. It is really just a way to help him out. I leave detailed instructions for my husband to look after my bird! Much simpler! :P

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