How To Survive Middle School

"Uh oh," Natalie said as she put on her backpack to go to her very first day of sixth grade.

"What?" I asked.

"I got a hole." She pointed to her pants. "Are holes allowed in school?"

I thought back to the ridiculous dress code. One of the rules is no shorts. And we live in Texas, land of 100 degree temperatures. It makes no sense.

Still, I thought holes were allowed so long as they weren't ridiculous sized.

But again. It's a school that doesn't allow shorts.

"Maybe you should change," I suggested.

"Change?" Natalie repeated, horrified. "But these are my favorite pants."

I could see a Tween Mood Change starting, and it was much too early for that, so I said fine, wear the pants. Surely she wouldn't get in trouble for a hole on the first day of school.

"I have an idea," Natalie said and then darted into the bathroom.

I let out a breath. Whew. No Tween Mood Change. It's startling how fast she can go for pleasant to Veruca Salt these days.

Natalie returned and was like, "Ta da!"

I blinked. I was half asleep because I am not a morning person. "What?"

Natalie pointed to the hole. "I put a tissue in there. No hole!"

Now, it's been a few years since I've been in Middle School, but I swear that sort of thing could get you beat up.

But then again, maybe not. Maybe kids have mellowed since my day.

"Well. Okay." I checked the time. I didn't have time to worry about her being stuffed in a trash can because she had to catch the bus.


And by the way, I walked her to the bus stop on the first day, which is not how one survives Middle School, but you know, I had to make sure it was the right stop and that there weren't ruffians there.

I ended up leaving before the bus arrived, because I could see Natalie was a tad embarrassed. I shook her hand before I left because if I hugged her, she could have gotten mocked for that, plus the tissue in her pants.



I sent her a text a little bit later and she was like:

I mean, seriously? My kid does get distracted easily, but man, she takes it to a whole other level at times.

Anyway, I hoped she would survive her first day. She gets lost easily as well, in fact, we got lost the few times we were able to look around her Middle School, so I pictured her ending up in the dark corner of the school where the Eighth Graders were, and one Eighth Grader being like, "Oh, a sixth grader in our area..."

And stuffing her in a trash can.

Why did I keep picturing my child in a trash can?

When she came back home on the first day, she still looked clean, so I assumed there was no trash stuffing.

"Great news!" Natalie said walking up. "I only got lost twice today."

"And no one bothered you about the tissue?" I motioned to her pants.

She shook her head. "Nope! In fact, one girl started to cry because she got overwhelmed, so I took a tissue from my pants and gave it to her."

Okay. Whatever works.

"Also, you have to fill out a packet of paper before I get my locker. And I need checks."

Let me tell you, my hand felt like it was going to break off after filling out all the paperwork, plus I had to fill out her brother's too. Plus I did have to write out many checks for dance, art, and a yearbook. (Save if you buy early!)

"Gosh Natalie," I said. "If this check writing keeps up, we'll be having ramen all next week."

She laughed and I'm not sure why, because I was serious.

She said she had a good first day. No one was mean. A kind girl told her she was going the wrong way at one point.

"Also, and get this, some of my classes don't allow water bottles. What if I get parched?" Natalie said, outraged. "Middle School is a harsh new world."


Good news though! I filled out her paperwork and she got a locker, which she proceeded to decorate. Yup, that's a light up disco ball that spins.

Natalie says many people like her disco ball and says a lot of kids call her Disco Ball Girl.

I guess it's much better than Tissue Pants.