Wednesday, July 8, 2020

It's Hard To Let Go When They're 18




Okay, so as soon as my son turned 18, I noticed changes.

First, I couldn't make doctor's appointments for him. If I tried, they'd be all, "Oh I see he's 18, I'll need to speak to the patient."

I was like:



I had been making appointments for him since I pushed him out of me! It felt like the rug was ripped out from under my feet.

Then I asked his college where to go to state that he had autism. I was replied with, "I'm sorry, I can only communicate with the student."

It happens so fast! One minute I was being asked ALL THE THINGS and the next it's all, "Sorry, nope, he might be living at home, and you might still be washing his underwear, but he's 18 and you're no longer relevant." Obviously they didn't say that, but it felt like it. You'd think this would gradually happen but no, once they turn 18, the parents aren't needed.

It felt like a kick to heart, honestly.

And it's not like I'm trying to baby him, but I mean, I'm used to asking all the questions. For standing up for him. It's hard to suddenly step back from that. I've been doing it for EIGHTEEN YEARS.

But I'm trying.

Since Tommy's college is remote for the fall, he had to do a bunch of things via zoom. It was so hard for me not to see if he needed help. I listened outside his door for a bit, I won't lie. Does that make me crazy? Maybe. But he's my boy.




He had to do his new student orientation online, plus register for his classes. That was tricky for him as well, but he figured it out. I know it's good for him to do things on his own, even if he is confused. (I could hear him say, "What do I click?" when he was registering for classes multiple times.) But I am proud of him, because he can meltdown when frustrated, but he held it together.


So I will step away. I know he's capable.




Even if it does sting a little.

33 comments:


  1. I think writing has the great ability to get to people's hearts.

    That's why knowing how to tell an emotion or the story of a person becomes a nice journey to undertake.

    In it, therefore, reflect a feeling and create empathy, as can putting yourself in the shoes of a mother who faces the inevitable growth of a child.

    Or live incredible adventures through the eyes of a fantasy character.

    Words, which derive from a book or blog, have the ability to unite.

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  2. It must be hard to have an adult as a child, for sure!

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  3. The first time that happened to me I was like, "Wait, what?" It's so hard when you've been doing all the things for them and suddenly, they're an adult.

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  4. I remember when my son turned 18 and it was like Mom, I can do this now. Very sad part of my life. But many years later, he still asks for advice. Hang in there mom. They always need us

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  5. Wow 18! I have 13 years to go before I hit that milestone with my oldest, but I can imagine it's a whole mixed bag of emotions.

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  6. I can't relate to your feelings, but it must be difficult for parents to see their kids all grown up. It means that their childchood has already finished. :)

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  7. My kids are still babies but I understand what you're saying, it is very difficult to let go, very difficult!!!

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  8. I'll be here soon enough. 3 more years. I am already preparing myself.

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  9. I'm not looking forward to my kids turning 18 at all. I can completely understand where you're coming from though. It's got to be really hard.

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  10. I keep counting down the years I still have left until my kids turn 18. I'm sure it's hard to let them go spread their wings.

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  11. I just looked at my son tonight as he was putting on his pajama shirt and he looked 18. Mind you he’s 6. I’m sad already, that he’ll be 18 soon. 12 years is too soon. Gahhh.

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  12. I think the age of majority should be 21. 18 is still kind of psuedo adulthood as there is still so many things they can't do.

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  13. I know how hard it is for both of you but I know Tommy can do it and I am pretty sure that you are still there for him when he needs help.

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  14. That is life it's so hard seeing them in the time where they are in junior and now they are senior soon they will work. But you really see is their future a great tomorrow with all you love and care.

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  15. Yep, I feel you. Take it one day at a time as a parent of a young teen.

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  16. wow! Congratulations! It's a beautiful age and everything will be ok for you too!

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  17. I can't even imagine the transition this has been for you but it looks like you are making the transition as best as possible. And can I say, the last photo did have me tear up a bit, very sweet.

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  18. I'm sure it must be so hard to let go.I know my parents struggled, but instead of being supportive and stepping back, the cranked up the heat instead. It drove me away. So even if it is hard, freedom is a must.

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  19. It really is hard to let go and let them have their independence, and trust that they will know what to do! I can totally relate even though my kids are younger!

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  20. Time really does fly. I know I will be a mess when my kids turn 18.

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  21. You are doing an amazing work no doubt🙂...this is very inspiring for every of reader..glad you shared this with us..Thanks indeed...

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  22. I'm not looking forward to the day when my baby becomes an adult.... I still have 10 more years but the time is flying I know it will be here in the blink of an eye. This was written so well and the photo of the toys with him walking away, so cute!

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  23. My son is only 5, but I am not looking forward to him being 18 ��

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  24. No you are not crazy. It shows the love you have for your kids.

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  25. My daughter turned 17 in April, I'm looking forward to her making her own doctor appointments but I'll still be washing her knickers until the end of time! :D

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  26. Mama Maggie's KitchenJuly 11, 2020 at 5:29 AM

    This feeling is saddening. At first, all they need is you and the next thing you know..they're an adult already!

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  27. My daughter is just turning into a teen and I feel like she is growing up too fast! How much more when she turns 18!

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  28. I can only imagine how hard this is on a parent. Kids really grow up too fast right before your eyes. Trust that you have taught him well and that he will remember what you taught him.

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  29. Yes I can imagine what is going through, kids grow up fast and we need change according to it, I am not ready it as my girl is only at 5th grade may I will be in your shoes in few years later.

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  30. My son is only 4 and I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to him turning 18. lol It must have been hard but life happens! Sending you hugs!

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  31. That brought tears to my eyes :( I have just one kiddo and I know it's going to be so rough when she turns 18. Hugs to you!

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  32. I don't have kids but this is such a neat post!!! thanks for sharing this.

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  33. I never even thought about those little things that you have to let go of as they get older. Sending lots of love!

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