Most people know my son Tommy has autism. He was diagnosed when he was small. I had suspected he had it when he was three, but when he was tested a military hospital I was told he couldn't have it because he had eye contact, which I suppose is another dumb comment I've received. People with autism CAN have eye contact.
Anyway. I've heard some ridiculous things over the years about autism from people's mouths or comments on my blog or social media. I completely get people might have questions. But maybe think about what those questions ARE before releasing them from your mouth.
Here are just some of the ones I've heard:
Shots caused the autism you know. No, I do not know because they did not. But thanks. I've been left comments like this many times on my blog. No one has dared to speak it out loud to me because I'd probably ask if they were on crack.
He'll grow out of it. I've heard this from well meaning family and friends. I kindly explain that no, he won't ever grow out of it. Autism is a life long diagnosis. Some people might claim there's a cure, but there isn't. Sure there are therapies that can HELP, but the autism will always be there. Do not ever fall for pills that boast a cure.
He doesn't look like he has autism. For God's sake, do you want Tommy to start stimming for you? Or maybe he'll go on and on about the weather even when you start to look bored. He won't care, he will finish his explanation of a cumulonimbus cloud..
Is he like Rain Man? Someone actually asked me this before during a play group. This is why I rarely went to play groups. Don't ask this. Maybe say, "So what is he like?"
I bet he loves calculus. Why? Because you've seen shows where people with autism are excellent at math? There's not one mold for people with autism. Some have strengths in areas that others struggle in just like neurotypicals. My son is not great at math. He gets that from me. Sorry, son.
It's okay to ask questions when you hear about an autism diagnosis. But what you should do is listen and be there for the parent. They are already worried as it is and don't need ridiculous questions to answer. What should SHOULD say is "I'm here if you ever want to talk."
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People sure love to stereotype!
ReplyDeleteHow frustrating. People can be irriting but most times they just dont know so they assume things.
ReplyDeletei have Aspergers and m.e . my blog.http;//mark-kent.webs.com twitter.supersnopper MARK
ReplyDeleteI’m so sorry that people have asked you these questions. I can imagine it’s really frustrating.
ReplyDeleteNo they did not ask if he's like Rain Man!? Oh my goodness. Some people are so ignorant. You sound like you have so much patience and grace.
ReplyDeleteNice read, good thing I haven't asked anything listed in here. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts, people may get quite insensitive at times.
ReplyDeleteSome people should really engage their brain before speaking. I'm sorry you have had to deal with small minded inconsiderate people like these.
ReplyDeleteIt is definitely okay to ask questions so that you can learn more. It seems like people have so many preconceived notions about autism (and everything else)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry people are so insensitive. People really need to think before they speak. Thanks for raising awareness about it.
ReplyDeleteIt is really bad of people to ask stupid questions instead of showing empathy and understanding, they need to be educated and aware rather than asking dumb questions based on myths.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good lesson for many of us. Thanks for sharing it with us! I am always learning to do or not to do things especially in situations that are not usual for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the people that just don't understand. Very eye opening what you have to deal with as an autism parent.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great lesson for many. I have many nieces and nephews with autism. Many of the things people assume are just crazy.
ReplyDeleteThese are life lesson. Yes people doesn't know much about any condition. My daughter has learning disabilites I know it is difficult.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure people are well intentioned, but gosh they say the oddest things. It's more important to be supportive than be nosy. I'm sure you've developed a thick skin over the years, but I'm sorry that was necessary.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. We're just starting out in our autism journey and it helps to read posts like yours. I'll be ready for these types of statements.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this with your readers. I love that people are now more conscious and creating awareness about autism too.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're sharing those things. People can be rude sometimes and I hope they get to read this. -LYNNDEE
ReplyDeleteThe depths of people's stupidity and insensitivity know no depths!
ReplyDeleteYES! I am glad you shared so hopefully you help someone else. I have endured so many stupid comments as an adoptive parent.
ReplyDeleteThis is good info to know. Sometimes people just don't think before they speak.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you have to deal with people's ignorance. Sounds like stuff I would hear out of the older generation n my family.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could have you speak in groups all over the US about this. Sometimes people just don't have any common sense.
ReplyDeletePeople can be so ignorant to things that they don't understand. I feel this same way when people talk to me about infertility or our adoptions. That's the whole reason for m blog, to educate people on those topics.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately some people don't think before they speak. In most cases these are ignorant individuals that don't care or think about others feelings. The only good thing is that more people are becoming aware of this condition so should start to understand it better.
ReplyDeleteI had similar situations with my daughter. She was born with a severe to profound hearing loss in both ears. Cochlear implant surgery is a huge deal and came with risks. We decided to take the risk when she was 3 almost 4 years old.
ReplyDeleteI think there is more information out there on autism now than there was a decade or more ago. People will always be rude with their comments. While I don't think they mean harm they just don't understand that you have searched high and low for the answers. And if there was a cure you would have found it when he was diagnosed.