Monday, October 20, 2014

A Date With My Son

It seemed like the entire state of Oklahoma was at Golden Corral.

The parking lot was full. I had never seen it full before.

I managed to find a spot and as I parked, two gigantic busses pulled up in front of the entrance.

"What the f*ck?" I said and then quickly added, "Sorry. Don't repeat that."

Because my twelve-year-old son was in the backseat.

We were on a date. I dropped off Natalie at Kid's Night Out at her gymnastics place. For $20 you get 4 hours of peace. I use that time to take my son out because he is not a fan of his sister. She's too noisy for him. He loves her, of course, but he'd rather not have to deal with her.

"Hurry. Let's try to beat the bus people," I said, scrambling to get out.

I did not want to wait in a long line.

Tommy and I rushed inside, right on time, because a long line of men began to climb out of the busses. Football players. Ugh. Why can't they go eat in the football field? I abhor football, so I was not pleased or excited to see a bunch of burly men approaching.

Golden Corral was already packed as it was. Tommy and I managed to find a table and then we grabbed plates and rushed towards the food because hello, two busses FILLED with football players. Who like to eat.

Seriously, these dudes were everywhere. Scooping up all my food. They ate the last of my sweet potato casserole. I watched in horror as someone else scooped up the last of the fried rice. In five minutes, a lot of the food was GONE. I kept bumping into a football player, because they are so big and because the room space is not the largest.

A lot of people in Golden Corral seemed happy to see these guys.

"Football!" a lot of them said. "What team?"

I think they said Henderson? In Arkansas?

I didn't care. I was miffed that they were EATING ALL MY FOOD.

As Tommy and I were scooping some white rice on our plates, new fried rice was placed out. So yay, we had food!

Eating with my boy is always fun.

I asked him if he talked to people in school. He really doesn't talk to people. He's worried they'll laugh at him. "Should I tell people I have Autism?" he once asked. I told him it was his choice. "If they knew, maybe they'd understand me," he continued, and it made my heart squeeze a bit.

"I say hello to people," Tommy answered. "Why don't girls play video games? There are beautiful girls but they don't like video games."

Tommy loves video games. He probably tries to talk to girls, and they aren't really interested. He says he doesn't bother talking to the boys, because the boys are loud and rude to the teachers. He doesn't like that.

"I only want intelligent friends," Tommy told me seriously.

I wish he had more friends. I worry he's lonely. He says he's not. He says he'd prefer to go about his day, get his work done, and come home and play video games.

"I have a question," Tommy said and I worried it was going to be something awkward like the time he asked while we were at the store, "Why do black people say 'homie' a lot?". But thankfully he went, "Why do people fall asleep in class? It seems rude."

"It is," I agreed.

"Some of my teachers have to wake kids up. Every day," Tommy said, astounded. "And some boys won't be quiet in class so the teacher has to yell, which I don't like."

"Some people have no manners," I sighed. "How about we get dessert?"

We loaded up on dessert. Thankfully the football players seemed to still be shoveling in regular food down their massive throats. So I could grab various slices of cake, fruit from the chocolate wonderfall, and my banana pudding.

I don't hold back at buffets.

I love going out with my son. I hope he'll always want to come out with me. He'll be thirteen in March so I cherish the time I have with him.

I'm lucky.

I don't have a kid who falls asleep in class and he has manners.

Plus he appreciates desserts like I do.

He rocks.

Friday, October 17, 2014

8 Things Security Forces Members (and Police Officers) Have To Deal With

My husband is a part of Security Forces in the Air Force.

It's basically a fancy name for military police.

He gets to wear this nifty beret too.

He also has to deal with all sorts of people at his job and has told me some insane stories.

Here is some of what he has to deal with while at work:

1. People who say, "I deserve to be saluted. Do you know who my husband is?"

Seriously. There are some spouses who believe they deserve to be saluted if their husband is high ranking.  Or if they get a ticket, they want to bring up their oh-so-important husband. It doesn't matter. You break the rules. You get a ticket.

2. Only sometimes it's not true. Tom once got in trouble for pulling over a high ranking officer for speeding.

So. If you have brass, you can speed? You'd think those people would want to, I don't know, set an example for the base and NOT SPEED.

3. People who say, "Um no, I wasn't speeding!"

You were, because there's this awesome thing called a radar gun. The speed limit on base is 25 in most areas. 15 in housing. Just be honest and say, "Sorry, I was going fast." Don't have an attitude. Don't lie. Most of the time if you're polite, you're let off with a warning.

4. People who say, "I don't have my license."

Why the H would you get into a vehicle without your license?!

5. People who say, "My tag isn't current because I forgot to get a new one."

Uh, they send reminders in the mail. And also, if a year is up, don't you think it's time to get a new one? If I could remember to renew both tags on both our vehicles when Tom was in Korea for an entire year, so can you.

6. People who say "Stay warm!" or "Stay cool," to the Security Forces members at the gate.

This comes across as sarcastic and Security Forces members don't want to hear it. Sometimes people are genuinely being nice. But most aren't. Here's a tip: if you say it and you mean to be nice, bring some hot chocolate to everyone at the gate. Or if it's hot, drinks from Sonic. Happy Hour is half price drinks.

7. Messy people. Tom does dorm inspections sometimes and guys? Some troops are slobs.

It's called Lysol and Windex. Don't be gross.

8. Crazy domestic disputes.

Tom once had to break up a fight over laundry detergent. Laundry. Detergent. Guys, this isn't Jerry Springer. Relax. Go out and buy another thing of Tide if it's so important to you.


Remember. Treat Security Forces with respect. So many times they are treated like servants. All these things apply to regular police officers too. They can get a bad rap and yes, like with every profession you do have bad seeds. But for the most part, the people protecting and serving us with very little pay are good human beings.

So thank them.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Crying Over Minecraft?!

She was crying hysterically.

I thought she was hurt.

So I rushed into the bathroom. Yes, she was in the bathroom. With the iPad mini. She's like her father. I want to get in the bathroom, do my business, and hurry out. Meanwhile, my husband perches on his throne and emerges twenty minutes later. Natalie is the same.

I didn't know what was happening. Natalie hurts herself a lot. Did she accidentally run into the sink? Did she bang her head on the wall?

Did she...oh gosh...drop the iPad Mini into the toilet? Maybe that's why she was crying.

Oh, please no.

I opened the door and found her crying in the middle of the bathroom. No blood. And praise chocolate, she was grasping the iPad Mini.

Maybe it was a UTI?

Oh gosh, ew. Please let it not be a UTI.

"What's wrong?" I asked, because she continued to sob.

"My buildings are on fire! I worked so hard on those!"

I didn't compute. What buildings? What fire?

She waved the iPad Mini at me. "On Minecraft! My buildings are GONE! FOREVER! And I worked so HARD ON THOSE!"

I'll be the first to admit that I don't get Minecraft. I sort of roll my eyes when she watches those Stampy videos. "Hello, this is Stampy!" "Hello, this is Amber, and your voice hurts my ears at 7 AM."

"Come on," I said and scooped her up. I can still pick her up but my time is limited. She's 7, so soon I won't be able to. I already struggle now. It might be because I'm weak though.

"My buildings," she wailed into my shoulder. She rubbed her snot all over my shirt.

"Rebuild," I suggested. "For heaven's sake. Be grateful you don't have Ebola."

"You don't understand!"

"What's going on?" Tom asked. Ironically, he was playing a video game and was just grumbling about it minutes before. Gee, I wonder where Natalie gets it from?

"My buildings are on FIRE!"

"Put them out," Tom suggested.


She turned into Lizzie from The Walking Dead.

I managed to calm her down. She is going to re-build. She will be okay.

Dang Minecraft.

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