Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Alarm that Wouldn't Stop

Beep beep beep went the Carbon Monoxide alarm.

It frightened me. I had walked under the thing at the exact moment it went off and thought my hair made it screech. You never know with my hair.

“Amber! Make the noise stop!” Tom called out. He was in front of the computer playing his beloved Call of Duty game.

“I can’t!” I shrieked back.

“It probably just needs a battery change,” Tom shouted.

“I’m not tall enough to reach the compartment!”

So Tall Tom came in and changed the battery. It was blissfully silent for a few seconds.

And then...


“Something is wrong,” I said, my voice creeping up into a panic. “Something is wrong, I can feel it.” I started wringing my hands together nervously.

“Nothing is wrong,” Tom insisted.

I opened the door to where the heater is kept.

“Something smells weird in here. There’s a leak, I just know it,” I said.

Tom came over and sniffed. “I don’t smell a thing.”

Of course he’d say that! When he farts, he thinks it smells good.

“I’m calling housing maintenance,” I said and rushed to the phone.

Tom started opening all the windows just in case.

“Why won’t that alarm stop?” My son Tommy whined, clapping his hands over his ears.

“Stand by the window!” I yelled.

“Why?” Tommy made a face.

I wanted to scream, “So you don’t DIE!” but I thought that would be overdramatic. Sometimes I go overboard with my emotions, I admit that. I suddenly think that I’m in some overdone action film and that I’m the main character who has to save everyone…

I’ve watched Independence Day too many times. Sometimes I picture myself as Will Smith and I’m all, “And what the hell is that smell?” because that seriously is my favorite line from the movie (when he’s dragging the alien along..)

I got a hold of housing maintenance and said that I couldn’t get the carbon monoxide alarm to turn off.

“And it’s not the battery because we changed that and there’s a SMELL coming from our heater,” I prattled on.

“Okay, we’ll send someone out,” the guy with the monotone voice said. I might as well have told him that I drank a hot chocolate earlier. I mean, did he not hear me? The Carbon Monoxide alarm was GOING OFF.

“Hurry! I don’t want to die!” I shouted.

Tom made a cutting motion against his throat then. It was his way of saying that I was taking it too far.

But I couldn’t HELP it. I didn’t want to die. Especially not before I find out what’s going on with the show Lost. The last season begins soon and I have to know what happens.

The alarm continued to ding as we waited for the maintenance guy to get to the house. At this point we had a bunch of windows open and it was freezing.

“I hope the guy gets here soon!” I shouted over the alarm.

“He should be!” Tom shouted back.

Then the alarm suddenly went off. I imagine it was because of all the windows being open.

“I’m really trying not to freak out here!” I yelled.

Tom frowned. “Amber. The alarm is off now. You don’t have to shout.”

Oh. Well. I sort of got used to shouting.

Finally the maintenance guy showed up. I nearly jumped into his arms and went, “Save us!” So I guess I wasn’t technically being the hero in the action movie anymore. I had morphed into the spare character that usually gets killed off first. Fantastic.

It turns out we did have a tiny leak.

“We could have died!” I shrieked.

The maintenance guy looked as though he were trying hard not to laugh. “Well, the leak was really small so I doubt it.”

So, phew, the leak was fixed and everything turned out to be okay.

As Tom and I were going to bed that night, Tom was all, “So how about some celebratory sex since we didn’t die?”

“Goodnight, Tom.”

“Come on! Celebratory sex for being alive!”

Goodnight , Tom.”


  1. Men. If you would've been dying, he'd have wanted sex before death, right? Sheesh.
    I am glad that it was ok. My husband had a classmate with CM poisoning- it wasn't good.

  2. I think a leak is ground for a panic, even a small one. At least you know the thing works now.

  3. we had a gas leak the other day and there were 12 ambulances on our street. It was so much excitement that someone started selling hot dogs. in all seriousness - that stuff is very scary.

  4. Let me guess...first he was angry because the stupid alarm was taking away from his gaming time, then he tried to use the alarm as leverage for sex. Seriously, sounds like my hub's twin you've got over there. I know you've talked about the call of duty addiction before..and I told you about my hub's Halo addiction...well my husband just got call of duty for his now he's got that addiction with halo on top. He plays with the earset on...not so sure I would disturb him and tell him the alarm is going off...let him play in it! Completely kidding here...but sure would save the drama!

  5. I pride myself on my amazing ability to smell. We had to get some work down on our heat and I was sitting in the living room and could swear I smelled gas. My husband thought I was crazy. I had the guy come back to look at it and found out there was a very small leak. He was impressed I could smell it. I was just happy it got fixed!

  6. I hate the smell of gas - natural heating gas I mean - well I mean smelly gas of any sort or kind...

    I'm surprised the CM monitor picked it up - thats a good monitor you have. Glad you are still alive.

    Poor Tom... he's gonna explode someday from repressing himself...

  7. You are so mean! The poor man was shaken so bad he needed to make up an excuse to be held and you told him goodnight. giggle giggle

  8. Anythings can be an excuse for sex. Glad everything turned out alright.

  9. Everything leads back to sex, doesn't it? I'm glad it was tiny...I would have been freaking too.

  10. We should watch movies together. That's my favorite part of Independence Day, too! :) Carbon Monoxide leaks scare the crap out of me. I would have left the house, I'm amazed you just opened windows.

  11. Does carbon monoxide smell? I thought it was the silent killer?

  12. Outstanding story.

    Were I in your situation, I think I would've yelled that to my son and not felt like I was overreacting at all.

    Seriously, this story made me snort several times while half-heartedly listening to my roommate tell a rather intense tale. Your story was better.

  13. You so did not over-react! I'd have had the fire departmet, the police department, the gas department and any other department I could have thought of there! And in the interim, I would have scarred my child for life by telling him we were all going to die and to run for his life.

    On the whole, you handled it very well. I, on the other hand, would have flipped out.

    Glad it turned out well for you.

  14. ::sigh:: I wrote a whole big reply. I don't know where it's gone. Synopsis of my previous reply? I'm happy you are all alive and well.

  15. That happened to me too. My (then) husband told me to just open a window and wait for it to stop! Our house was so old and drafty that's probably why I never died!

  16. Men never seem to understand the severity of these things do they? Great story. Glad it was a small leak.

  17. glad it wasn't serious! Husbands!!!

  18. Tom sounds EXACTLY like my hubby. And I would have been freaking out too!

  19. Hello Tom?! Your FAMILY could have died! Smack him good!

  20. Glad you are alive! I definitely would have freaked out too.

  21. LOL! He OWES you. . . you totally saved his LIFE today! YOU'RE A HERO!

    And I'd have been totally dramatic about it, too.

  22. Men are so predictable, aren't they?! haha

  23. Celebratory sex...LOL!! I read this to the man and he just looked at me..."did you write that" he asked. HAHAHA!!

    ~Working Mommy
    Come on by, stay for a while and leave a comment or two!!

  24. unbelievable! I would be lying if I said I was surprised!

    ps.s your world is as crazy as mine

  25. That is the funniest post I've read all day-- and I've been sitting at my laptop for about 4 hours!!!!! Goodnight Tom! Hahahahahhahahahahaha

  26. So, So, So Funny. Sorry things didn't work out for Tom, but you MUST have been exhausted after barely escaping death. What on earth was he thinking?!?!? This one's a keeper!

  27. Poor Tom. No we're still alive celebration??? Ah ha ha

  28. My theory is that Tom's trying to deliberately annoy you so that you have a full-on screaming match. Why? Because he knows that make-up sex is 200% better than normal sex AND celebratory sex combined.

    The man may look like all he does is play Call Of Duty, but I reckon it's a front to hide his nefarious sex plan. Deep down I reckon he's a master manipulator genius.

  29. Why do men naturally have to find a way to turn every situation back to sex?

  30. Our alarm actually did save our lives. Twice. No drama, the firefighters told us we all would have died. It's scary stuff.

    I don't recall celebratory sex, though...

  31. You're such a spoilsport! No celebratory sex?

    Thank God for that alarm. You COULD have died. It only takes a small leak to have the carbon monoxide start to build up in a home.

    I am also the person who shrieks to everyone "SHUT UP! I smell something!" As if their incessant chatter is blocking my method of sniffing out the dangerous gas leak...

    Have I said how much I enjoy your site? I do. You crack me up.

  32. Are we going to start having to call you "Drama Queen"? LOL!

    I thought carbon monoxide doesn't smell?

    Glad it was only a small leak. Smart to open the windows.

    Boy - that Tom - he thinks ANYTHING is a reason to have sex. I LIKE that in a man!

  33. Everything always leads back to sex. Men.

    We need to get one of those alarms. And probably check the smoke alarms too.

  34. Glad you discovered the leak and all is well.

    PS I thought CO was smell-less and that's why we needed the detectors. I had no idea you could smell it.

  35. Dying here with the "goodnight, Tom". Especially since the hubs and I had a similar conversation last night. PS...I didn't realize until just today that you were in Wyo. Me too :)

  36. This was such a fabulous way to start my day! You had me giggling my butt off over here! Glad the leak was fixed and that you're all ok. :)

  37. thats actually really scary to me.. everything at our house is ran off of gas too.. and though we have a carbon mon. det. it still sorta freaks me out!

    glad ya'll were okay though!!!

  38. there will never be a shortage of sex on the brain will there?

  39. Men never stop thinking about sex, do they?

    And for the record, I probably would've been just as freaked out as you.

  40. Maybe carbon monoxide is an aphrodisiac?

  41. This was absolutely hilarious! I love your blog and you have become my new favorite blogger! You rock! Thank you :)


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