"I could really use a Diet Coke."
I looked around.
There was none to be found.
What store didn't carry Diet Coke?
I was in WHOLE FOODS. The place that I suspected might hiss and cross their fingers in my direction if I mentioned something with high fructose corn syrup.
But...I needed a Diet Coke. It's how I got my caffeine. I found the sodas Whole Foods carried and tried not to gasp when I noticed NONE of them had caffeine.
So I settled for this:
And it tasted like butthole.
I mean, okay, I'm exaggerating. For starters, I have not tasted butthole before and I'm sure there are worse tasting things (liver, for example, which I have tried...)
It had a strange off-putting taste. I smacked my lips together, once, twice, and it didn't help the flavor.
"Ginger Ale is supposed to be good," I said to Natalie, who was watching me curiously. I offered her a taste, and she made a face and told me it was "not good."
So sodas flavored with 100% cane sugar are not for me. Got it.
We were only in Whole Foods to eat in the cafe. Mom was curious about it. We ordered a pizza and while it was cooking, we wandered the store.
Naturally, I ended up in front of the bakery. Even though some things were vegan, I imagine they'd all still taste delicious.
I did not get anything though. My Mom was with me, and I do believe it worries her when I get so excited about junk food. See, I was not raised on junk food. Fruits and vegetables were always handed over as snacks, side dishes for school lunches, always offered with every meal....my parents insist that I believed fruit was candy, until a kid at school informed me that no, strawberries WERE NOT candy. So I'm sure Mom is like, "What HAPPENED?"
What happened is I discovered frosting. And Little Debbie snacks.
Whole Foods had interesting stuff. They had these nasty looking Kale block thingies. They had a tin that you could fill with cookies that I also wanted, but pretended I didn't, on account that I didn't want to worry my Mom. I found raw walnuts and figs and bean sprouts....
But Whole Foods wasn't the reason we were in the area: nope.
Mom was taking me to Trader Joe's for the first time. Of course I had heard about the store through friends and social media. I was excited to go.
When we entered the store, I immediately began searching the aisles. There were so many CHOCOLATE COVERED THINGS. If I were rich, I'd have placed each container in my cart. But the thing about Trader Joe's is, items are pricey. So I had to take deep breaths and remind myself to not buy everything, because we had things called bills.
I marveled at the pasta aisle.
I licked my chops at the sparkling juice aisle. Tom and I, we love sparkling juice, since we aren't really fans of wine.
I kept drooling over all the CHOCOLATE COVERED THINGS.
In the end, I bought these:
I like Trader Joe's. I'm a fan. I don't believe there is one in Oklahoma, although there should be, because I can almost bet that people from Oklahoma would appreciate CHOCOLATE COVERED THINGS.
Here's what I have problems with though: since I bought chocolate covered blueberries I think, these are healthy, so it's okay if I eat half the container. But they really aren't, despite the blueberries with their antioxidants. But a part of my brain is like, "It's okay, have another handful, blueberries help with the skin and VISION."
Natalie tried to TAKE my blueberries. At nearly $4 a container, I took them back and gave her a bag of Gushers.
So if you haven't been to Trader Joe's, I'd go.
Marvel at all the CHOCOLATE COVERED THINGS!