Thursday, March 16, 2006

A Scare and Bikinis

Tom scared the mess out of me yesterday.

I was playing on the couch with Tommy. I was pretending to make his Anthony doll talk and Tommy was pretending to make his Greg doll talk. I didn't even hear the back door unlock and I didn't even hear Tom walking through the kitchen. All I saw was this face poke around the entry to the living room....and so I screamed.

At the top of my lungs.

I scare easily. The slightest noise can make me jump. I have no idea why. It's how I've always been.

Tommy just clapped his hands over his ears while Tom laughed at me. He was all decked out in his uniform gear since he was working. I was about ready to call him a few choice words when I realized he wasn't alone. There was a uniformed female with him. Now, I know men and women work together and all. But my first thought when I saw her was,

"Who are you and what do you want with my husband?"

It was just a teeny tiny thought though. I probably wouldn't even have thought it but it's a crazy world that we're living in. And of course I was polite and bubbly towards her. It's just always a little thought that creeps in my head when I see Tom with another woman. Although he always tells me,

"Amber. I'm not an attractive man. You have nothing to worry about."

I happen to think he is attractive. He has these beautiful blue eyes and a big smile. True he's not movie star handsome but hell, neither am I. He has a way with words where he can make a person feel incredibly important and I can just see a woman falling for that. Thinking, "Wow a nice guy?? Me-ow.." (Course if I ever saw a woman have a crush on Tom I'd immediately throw out stories on how he's the biggest slob and how his farts can clear out an entire room.)

Tommy, he has no loyalty whatsoever. He didn't even look at the female with surprise, he just plucked Anthony from my hands, said hello to the female and gave her Anthony. I am glad he's friendly though. And the fact that he's social makes the teachers happy.

The only thing was, I looked horrible. I had on my PJ pants with a mismatched shirt that had a stain at the collar. Plus my hair was a mess and I'm sure I had some sort of mystery smudge on my cheek. It would be lovely if Tom could come up with some sort of a warning when he's bringing a complete stranger into the house.

Tom was just stopping by to ask if I wouldn't mind making cookies or brownies or cupcakes..whatever we had in the house. It annoyed me a little bit because he was making it seem like I had nothing better to do than bake him something. I know he didn't mean to make it sound like that, he was just asking, but I was close to saying, "You want brownies? You make them!" Obviously he couldn't make them as he was working...and I am a Nice Wife most of the time so I said I'd make cupcakes.

I am glad that I made them in the end. He said a lot of the troops enjoyed them and I'm always happy if I made someone else happy. (And I think, "Woohoo good Karma!")

Tonight I am going to the gym. Why? Because I want to be able to wear a bikini during the summer and not scar people for life.

When I was in the States last summer I picked out this cute purple bikini from Target. I tried on said bikini last week and looked at myself in the full length mirror.




Let's forget the fact that I'm as pale as a ghost.

But I also have these thighs that resemble pizza dough whenver I sit down. I noticed this on the toilet. (I know, ick, right?) There I was, perched on my throne, and my thighs were like these jiggly things that did not look attractive. I was not happy.

And, I noticed when I was wearing my bikini that a little of my stomach was drooping over the bottoms. Gross, gross, gross. I've always wanted abs but I just can't give up the junk food. I cannot.

I mean I don't plan on leaving my house with the bikini. I just wanted to be able to lay out in my backyard. A lot of people walk past my backyard as it's by the shoppette. And what I want is for people to think, "Wow, slammin' bod." (If people even think things like that..) Not something like this:

"Dude, I walked by this house and this chick who had no business being in a bikini was sunbathing. It scarred me for life."

Then I started to wonder what it would be like if two females saw me sunbathing:

Girl 1: EW. Gloria, did you just see that?

Girl 2: That fat girl sunbathing? Yeah. Why is she even outside like that? (Girl 2 ponders while crunching on a healthy carrot.)

Girl 1: Don't know. You'd never catch ME outside like that.

Girl 2: The bathing suit is cute though.

Girl 1: Oh yeah, it's cute.

Girl 2: But not on her.

Girl 1: No. Not on her. Definately not on her.

I seriously wish I could be one of those people who didn't care what I looked like. But I do and I can't help that. I know I'm not at an unhealthy weight but I would like to be a little more toned in some areas. I especially want to be healthier before I become pregnant again.

For now I need to go get ready. I need to run some errands. I'm going grocery shopping and I will try to stay away from the candy.

Try being the key word.


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