Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Attack of the Air Freshner

I love air freshners.

Or anything that makes the house smell nice.

So when I had a coupon for $4 off I decided to try this thing out:

I had troubles with it from the start.

I couldn't put it together!

The instructions said this:

But for some reason I couldn't figure out how to snap in the air freshner can.

I'd try and try and then eventually I grew annoyed.

"You do it," I grumbled to Tom and dropped it in his lap.

He had it together in two seconds.

"Okay, what was the problem, that was easy," Tom responded.

I gave him a Look.

Apparently I was trying to fit the can in the wrong way.

When Tom handed the thing over to me my finger grazed the express button--the button you can push if you want an extra burst of freshness I suppose--and it blasted me right on the chin!

"AHHH!" I shrieked and Tom laughed at me.

"That's why you don't push that button!"

Freakin' smart butt.

Like I pushed the button on purpose.

Like I wanted my chin to smell of Fresh Waters.

At first we set the thing on the bookshelf. You can set it for when you want it to spray out.

I set it for every 36 minutes.

All was fine.

Then when the thing went off it made me jump.


I figured I'd get used to it.

Then nightfall came.


Again I jumped.

It didn't help that I had just seen a ghost show on Maury earlier and was sure that I had seen a ghost in the corner of the room.

Add a sudden noise and you nearly had a grown 24-year-old woman huddled underneath the couch blanket.

At one point when it went off (SSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT) Tom thought I had farted.

"Ew, gross Amber, really," he said, wrinkling his nose.

Normally I apologize for my gas.

But I certainly wasn't going to take blame for something that I hadn't done.

So I shouted, "It's that darn air freshner, I didn't fart this time!"

I went to bed soon after.

Tom stayed up a few more hours.

When he came to bed he said, "I moved that air freshner thing. It scared the crap out of me.."

I barely heard him though.

I mean honestly, does he think I'm laying there wide awake when he comes to bed?? Er no, I'm ASLEEP!

We ended up moving it here:

It's on the landing when you go up the stairs.

It's not as loud there.


I've been sprayed not once, but TWICE.

What are the odds that I'll be in front of the thing every 36 minutes??!


The first time it happened I was bringing down laundry.

Then, "SSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" and my front and the laundry basket was suddenly bathed in Fresh Water scent.

On the next day I was heading upstairs to start Tommy's bath.

Again I was sprayed.

"You stupid air freshner!" I snapped.

If it didn't smell so good I would have hurled it out the window by now.

So this is my warning to all of you that may go out and purchase the thing.


It's loud and it likes to spray at human beings.

Apparently it feels like we all should smell of Fresh Waters.

1 comment:

  1. I have been going through some of your old posts and happened upon this one. HILARIOUS. I think my boss might be looking at me funny because I can't quit laughing!


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