Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Grocery Shopping Adventure

Dear Nabisco Company,

How in the world am I supposed to lose weight when you produce things like this:

Don't you realize I have no willpower?

You cannot produce products like these and expect me not to buy. You know I love Oreos.

And then you go and make them in the form of a CAKE?!

You know I love cake!

Shame on you.

Shame on all you Nabisco workers.

Take away all your good food and replace them with whole grain crap. Then I can lose the weight and when I'm at a good weight you can bring the good stuff back.




Thank you,



Those cake things are so good.

And so fatty.

They come in packs of two. I usually only eat one and want to eat the other.

"Hide this from me," I instructed Tom, bringing the package to him.

"Huh?" was the startled reply.

"Hide this. From me!" I repeated slowly, trying to place it in his hand.

"No. Geez," Tom answered, recoiling.


Does he not want me to lose weight?

Hide the damn cake man!

I ended up just sticking the other in a plastic bag for later.

Which I had. Later on.

Shame on me.

I did get some healthier things though.

These are good. Only one bag isn't enough. What they think like 10 cookies is going to hold me over?

My stomach isn't the size of a pea for craps sake.

And it's the Nabisco company again!

*Grumbles at Nabisco*

I also got these:

Which I haven't tried yet. But I like granola bars so I imagine these will be okay.

I also got this cookbook:

It had some tasty recipes in it.

I also bought apples. Which I hope don't go bad.

The last batch of apples I bought didn't!

That's a record for me.

The only fruit that went bad were the blackberries. But that was only because they had a funny taste to them.

I've been going grocery shopping with both kids, which isn't as hard as I thought. Probably because Natalie isn't mobile yet.

Tommy walks beside me, Natalie sits in the front of the cart in her carseat and all is well.

Sometimes Tommy will grab something from the shelf though. The other day it was Fudge Stripes cookies.

I LOVE those things.

But I am really trying to be good. Even though you wouldn't know it by looking in my cupboard.

But I am!

So I told Tommy no.

"But I like these," he said, puffing his lip out.

"Me too. But we already have cookies in the cart. We don't need more," I explained.


"Because Mommy is trying to lose weight."


"Because Mommy misses all her clothes."


"Because wearing the same shirts over and over depresses me."


"Because...Tommy just please put them back. Okay?"


And he put them back.

Of course in another aisle he grabbed some Mr. Clean cleaner.


I know.

My kid is weird.

"Um we don't need that, Tommy."

"It has a man on it," he answered.

"I know. Reminds me of Locke on Lost," I said.


"It just does..we don't need this, Tommy."

I put it back on the shelf.

Then at one point we were stopped because people decided to converse right in the middle of the aisle.

It's like, move to the side!

Grocery shopping is NOT for conversing. It's for shopping for food and getting the hell out of there.

Do people not get that?

I said, "Excuse me," like five times until they finally moved to the side.

And then, because I shop on a military base you get a lot of elderly people because they're retirees.

They hold me up sometimes too but I'm more patient with them because I like the elderly. My Grandmas are elderly. I love them.

But sometimes it's just like, "Oh please just pick out a juice and move.."

Because when I went this old lady was all, "Vern? VERN? Did you want this brand of apple juice or the other?"

Vern was busy looking at the cake mixes.

"VERN? VERN? What apple juice do you want?"

"What? What?" Vern replied.

"The apple juice? What apple juice do you want?"

"Which is cheaper?"

"I don't know Vern, I don't have my glasses with me."

"I want the cheaper one."

"Vern I can't tell which is cheaper..."

And bless her heart, she was standing in the middle of the aisle so I couldn't pass.

I offered to read which one is cheaper and then told her.

"Thank you. Vern, this one is cheaper, do you want this one?" the lady said, still not moving to the side.

Vern finally said that was okay and I was able to pass.

Then when I checked out I also bought the new People, which is my weekly smut magazine.

Lindsay Lohan was on the cover and the baggar was this Oriental woman. She looked at the cover and went,

"Ooo this girl is in trouble."

I nodded. "She is."

"It's because she has too much money!"

"I guess so."

"It's a shame."

"I suppose it is," I replied.

Even though Lindsay Lohan bugs the crap out of me. Most of Hollywood does.

I mean I just heard on E! news that Jessica Simpson is busy making new movies.

Does anyone ever watch the ones she does make?


So yes.

That was my grocery shopping adventure.


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