Friday, October 10, 2008

A Nanny would be Nice

I need a nanny.

Just one who could keep an eye on the kids so I can write my novel in peace.

That's all.

I know there are people who gasp at the thought of a nanny. Or who tsk tsk and mutter, "But she stays at home. Why would she need a nanny?"


So I can WRITE in PEACE.

See, what happens is I'll get into a groove. The words start to flow, ideas just start popping up in my head, I'm about to write an incredibly moving line and...

"MOMMY! Tell her to STOP touching my TOYS!"

It's broken.

My groove is broken.

I'll have to stop and deal with the kids.

It's usually Tommy who is offended because Natalie dared to touch one of his Transformers.

"Can you share?" I asked impatiently.

Tommy shook his head sharply. "No. I can't. She needs to STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF!" he replied all dramatically.

And Natalie, well, Natalie is just insulted because everyone should want to share with her.

So she's all whining and trying to reach for a Transformer and Tommy is all, "STOP IT! STOP TOUCHING MY STUFFFFFF!"

Oy vey.

I hate to stick them in front of the television. Especially Natalie. I believe that kids are in front of the TV way too long these days. A lot of kids are being found to have no imaginations because they're just shoved in front of the TV--either to watch a show or to play video games.

I'm sorry, I want my children to have imaginations. I have a good one.

And I believe it's because I played outside throughout most of my childhood.

Sure I'd watch a fair amount of TV. I'll admit it.

But I would prefer to be outside.

Tommy prefers to be outside.

But since it's starting to become cold he's not able to go out as much.

Luckily, because he hasn't watched TV that often he's able to entertain himself. So he'll get out his toys and happily play--that is, until his sister tries to TOUCH HIS STUFF.

Natalie usually gets to watch one program every other day. And that's Yo Gabba Gabba. That's about twenty minutes long. So that doesn't give me a good amount of time to write.

I suppose I could write when she's asleep.

But then I have to clean.

When Tom is home he puts the TV on Spongebob a lot.

For himself.

Yes folks, he's 26 and still enjoys cartoons. I know a lot of my favorites around his age do so I'm not poking fun. Seriously. I mean even though I don't like cartoons or children's programming, you know I still laugh at farts and I still giggle when someone says the word vagina.

(I watched the latest Girls Next Door and teeheed when Holly walked right into a chocolate shop and boldy said, "Yes, I'd like to make a chocolate mold of my vagina." She didn't even flinch, she just said it like it was a perfectly normal thing to get a molding of ones crotch...)

I just need more time to write.

Last night I was trying to write but the kids kept shouting.

First it was because Natalie kept messing with Tommy's toys.

Then Tommy yelled about it, Natalie was insulted and all chaos broke loose.

So I brought some of Natalie's toys from her room. She had some blocks that she likes to play with. Okay, really she just chews on them but sometimes she makes tiny buildings.

But then Tommy wanted to play and NATALIE got insulted.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Natalie screeched when I got back into my writing groove again.

I asked what the problem was now.

"I just wanna play with this," Tommy informed me.

"But you wouldn't share with her. Play with your toys and she can play with hers. Please. Mommy just needs to write one chapter. Just one," I begged.

But then I'd start to write and the demands start.

The "I needs."

"Mommy? I need a snack. My stomach is very hungry," Tommy told me seriously.

"What do you want?"

"Broccoli!" Tommy said happily.


"Um. We don't have broccoli," I said. "How about carrots?"

Tommy looked crestfallen. "Oh-kay," he sighed.

Then back to writing I'd go.

And NATALIE needs something. She brings over her wipes when she wants a diaper change. So she just threw her wipes into my lap and walked off.

Basically, "Clean my ass, kthx," and she walks over expecting me to jump up and get it done.

Which I always do.

Then I started writing again.

But then Natalie wanted to cuddle and I don't deny her so I plopped her on my lap and attempted to continue to write.

It went well at first. Natalie just sucked her thumb and watched as letters formed on the screen.

But then she started touching the keyboard.

Fkljafdjklafjklfa started to appear in my novel.

"Natalie. You can't touch," I told her gently.

jakfljkadflkja my novel continued to say.

"Natalie. Please. Why don't you play with some toys?"

Nope. She didn't want to play with toys.

It's at this point that I always want to cave in and let them watch TV.

But I just feel so dang GUILTY.

Especially because you hear that children under two aren't even SUPPOSED to watch TV. Apparently it's bad for them and warps their brains. I dunno.

But then I get it in my head that I'm totally screwing with Natalie's brain and I feel bad if I dare to flip it on TV. And then when it's Yo Gabba Gabba I'm paranoid that I'm messing her up because eek, what is UP with that show?


So yes. A nanny for a few hours would be nice. If I ever make enough money with writing I'd get one. Despite some of the rude comments that I'd get. But I'd just retort with, "Okay, at least a nanny is playing games and such with them and they're not in front of a TV. So hush."

(And for the record, I promise that I play with my kids. I just try to write a chapter a day which is NOT going well..most days I'm lucky if I get two pages in.)

I just need to find time to write. Somehow.

I have some photos of Natalie to share:


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