Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My New Hair

So on Friday I went and got my hair done.

I popped into Chick-fil-a before heading into the hair salon so I could get a sweet tea. It takes a long time to get my hair done since it's so dang long.

Then I headed for the salon--I get my hair done at Regis by the way. Of course whenever I hear the name I think of Regis from Regis and Kelly even though I rarely watch the show anymore. Maybe it's because I'm insulted that they never picked any of my children for their Beautiful Baby Contest. I don't know.

I go to Regis because they give military families 20% off.

I had my hair done by a woman this time. The last time I had one of the gay guys do it and he was hilarious. He was still in there doing someone else's hair and was prattling on about Survivor.

"The people this year are just AWFUL!" he was saying as I settled into my chair.

My hairdresser--I'll call her Susan--draped the sheet around me and then got out my card to see what color I use for my hair. Because I had no idea what actual color it was. Colors these days aren't just called blond you know. They're called honey, golden or sunflower fields.

I was amused because on my card it reads: "Client has A LOT of hair. Takes A LONG time."

A lot was underlined three times.

I always feel like a bit of freak show when I'm getting my hair done. Mainly because the other people in there--the other clients--usually gape at my hair in confusion.

"Have you always had long hair?" they always ask.

Or, "Have you ever had it short?"

This one old lady was infuated with my hair.

"How long have you been growing it out? Does it take a long time to wash? How often do I wash it? How long does it take to dry? Did I use a hair dryer?" The questions kept tumbling from her mouth.

"Actually," I said. "I don't own a hair dryer."

Well then the entire place looked baffled.

The gay guy's mouth dropped open and he went, "You NEED a hair dryer!"

Not really. I just air dry my hair when I wash it.

In the middle of getting my hair done an elderly woman rolled in. I say roll because she was in one of those automated wheelchairs. She looked sweet with her white hair and her red rimmed glasses.

However, she was no longer sweet when she opened her mouth.

In her lap she carried a bottle of hair spray. The gay guy went over to ask if she needed help and she snapped,

"Well I should hope so. Someone sold me this EMPTY bottle of hair spray and I demand a refund!"

She handed the bottle to the gay guy, who looked confused. He looked it over and went, "Ma'am, this bottle has been used. I can tell. Plus no one would have sold you an empty bottle of hairspray."

The elderly woman looked aghast. "SOMEONE did!" she retored. "And I demand a refund!"

She dug through her purse which also sat in her lap and produced a piece of paper. "Here's my receipt. I demand a refund," she repeated, practically throwing it in the gay guy's face.

He looked it over and went, "This bottle was bought back in September." He raised an eyebrow at the elderly woman who refused to back down.

"I demand a refund!" she shouted.

Her face was started to turn red. I was worried that she'd pass out or something. Or hurl her purse at the guy's face.

"Ma'am, this bottle has been used. It's obvious. Plus it was bought back in September--"

"I had a stroke and it's hard for me to make it out!" the woman cut him off.

The gay guy looked impatient but he simply smiled and went, "I can't offer you a refund."

The elderly woman looked startled and went, "You are not being helpful. I'm going to tell all my friends about how AWFUL this place is!"

And then she rolled out back into the mall.

There was a stunned silence and then people began to talk.

"I have never seen that happen before," Susan, my hairdresser said and then snickered.

It turns out though that this old lady was going to each store and trying to get some money.

Another patron getting their hair done mentioned that she had seen the same woman trying to get a refund from a blanket that she claimed was, "Old."


So after all the color was in my hair I had to sit for about an hour. I had brought my Twilight book so I started to read that.

The gay guy noticed and went, "Are you JUST now reading that?"

I closed the book and nodded. "Yeah. I kept hearing about it and figured I ought to try it out."

The gay guy looked excited and gushed, "It's awesome. You will LOVE all the books. Are you seeing the movie?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

He looked surprised. "You HAVE to see the movie!"

I smiled. "I might."

After Susan had washed my hair and was going through the lonnngg task of drying it I suddenly gave a gasp.

"What? Did I hurt you?" Susan asked, looking concerned.

"No," I replied. "I just realized that my husband's anniversary present might be coming in the mail today. I hope he doesn't open the box."

His gift is the Wii by the way.

When I mentioned the gift everyone told me how awesome the Wii was.

Now, a few of my faves warned me that if I brought a drink in to get my hair done that I would probably have to pee.

And this was true.

On hour two my bladder started to get uncomfortable. I didn't want to wander down the mall with scary looking hair so I just dealt with it.

It wasn't pleasant though.

Then Susan straightened my hair.

I had told Tom that I'd probably be done by 5. Sure enough at 510 my phone started to ring.


Heaven forbid.

I ignored it even though Susan went, "You can answer if you want."


Tom knew where I was.

He was just being impatient.

My hair was done a few minutes later.

I paid and left a generous tip. I always feel guilty that they have to spend so much time on my hair.

Here is my new hair. Taken by Tom who takes the most unflattering photos ever. He takes pictures sitting down so that I look all distorted and such. I ask him to stand up and he's all, "Why?" And yes, Natalie was throwing a fit because I dared to sit her down. Since I had been gone for three hours she was punishing me by not allowing me out of her sight. Basically saying, "Hey, you took off for three hours without my permission. Now you won't get a moment's peace until I go to bed. Mwahaha!"

Then I tried to take a photo myself and it didn't turn out that great either. But oh well. You get the point.

Then I phoned Tom up.

"THERE you are," he said all dramatically.

"You knew I was getting my hair done," I sighed.

"I'm hungry," he replied, sounding like a petulant child.

"I'll pick up dinner," I promised.

Then I hung up and realized I forgot to ask Tom if a package had come in. And if he had opened it.

I drove to McDonalds and picked up some food there.

Then I headed home.

And let me tell you, driving at night SCARES me to death.

Especially when it had snowed and there were ice patches on the street.

I was driving with my hands firmly gripped on the wheel. I slid on some ice once but managed to get my car back in line.

I was freaking out though by the time I pulled in the driveway.

I felt like I had just finished a roller coaster ride or something.

I grabbed the food and headed for the door.

I hope he hasn't opened the package....but maybe it hasn't even come today...

I opened the door and right away saw the Amazon.com box.

Oh no...



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