Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The 75% off Sale at Target

First of all, I need to write more about Rob Pattinson in here. Because when I do, I get over 200 visitors which is like a record for me. So..Rob Pattinson (stinks), Rob Pattinson, Rob Pattinson...mwahaha..


When I went downstairs this morning Tom was in front of the computer about to start a game.

“Tom,” I said. “Can I check something real quick?” I wanted to check the Target forum to see if there was any news about the toys going 75% off.

He reluctantly let me and I hurriedly checked the website. I didn’t expect to see anything. But then I saw a new thread with THE 75% OFF SALE HAS STARTED!!!! in bold letters.

My heart immediately began to race. I nearly fell out of the chair.

“TOM!” I shrieked, leaping to a standing position. I stumbled and nearly went careening into the couch. Sometimes being a klutz is no fun.

“Jesus. What?” Tom said. He had been standing behind me the entire time. “Are you okay? Why are you flapping your arms like that?”

I hadn’t realized that I was. But sure enough I was prancing around the room and my arms were going wild. I felt like a chicken with its head cut off.

“The toys,” I gasped out. “The toys have gone 75% off.”

Then I darted up the stairs to get dressed.

“Um. Excuse me? Does that mean you’re leaving?” Tom wondered, following me. He found me in the room racing across it.

“Where are my PANTS?” I wailed.

“You’re holding them,” he pointed out.

Oh. Right.

I started to pull them up over my pajama bottoms.

“Um. You might want to take those off first,” Tom suggested.

Yes. Of course.

So I did that and yanked up my jeans and threw on a shirt and then I said goodbye.

“Wait!” Tom yelled. “What about me?”


I paused and he nearly collided into my back.

“You’re going to watch the kids, of course,” I said. If he thought I was bringing them with me then he had another thing coming.

“Maybe I want to come,” Tom said in his pouty voice. Oh no. I didn’t have TIME for pouty Tom. I had to get to the toys before Old Lady Hog showed up. What part of this was he not comprehending?

“You can’t come,” I said firmly, pulling on my shoes.

“Why not?” Tom puffed his lower lip out. “Maybe I want to come.”

“You CAN’T come!” I said again. “You’ll rush me.”

“But maybe I want to come. Why do you just get to go? I’d like to come and spend time with you and—”

“Oh my GOD, Tom. I think we’ve just set a world record of using the word come the most in a conversation. I don’t have time to argue so if you want to come, come!” I burst out.

Tom looked like he was about to say something suggestive over our abundance usage of the word come but I had already darted into another room to find my purse.

“Let’s go!” I said and marched towards the front door.

“Is Natalie going in her pajamas?” Tom said, gesturing to Natalie who was clad in her pink kitty pjs with messy bed hair to boot.

HAIR! I needed to brush my hair too.

“No. She needs clothes!” I rushed back upstairs at top speed and pulled an outfit from her closet. I came back downstairs and threw it at Tom. “Please get her dressed while I do my hair.”

I ran a brush through my hair and then went back out hoping to see Natalie dressed. But Tom had her skirt in his hands and he was gazing at it in confusion.

“Which way does this go?” He turned it around and wrinkled his nose.

“The daisy goes in front, Tom,” I said.


“Oh never mind. I’ll do it!” I took the skirt and put it on Natalie.

“Why does girl stuff have to be so confusing?” Tom said beside me.

I’m amused that he can’t figure out a skirt yet he knows how to put together complicated weapons.

On the drive down I realized I hadn’t brushed my teeth. Crap! I always brush my teeth before I go out because it says to the public I care enough not to make you inhale my breath that smells like old kiwi. Oh, and there's the whole not wanting cavities and gum disease too. I puffed into my palm and inhaled and nearly keeled over. My mouth smelled as though I had been sucking on old gym socks or something.

“Do you have a mint?” I asked Tom frantically. “My breath reeks.”

“I know! When you were by me I nearly passed out from the stench,” Tom mocked.

“I don’t have time for jokes! I need a mint! I can’t go into a store with my breath smelling like this,” I said, rooting around in my purse. Surely I had to have some sort of mint in there. It was filled with all sorts of stuff. I pushed past receipts and my keys and my wallet and more receipts and change and a lemon jolly ranger—SCORE! A lemon jolly ranger would do. I would just smell as though I were sucking on lemon.

I popped it in my mouth and settled back in the seat. The candy tasted a little off because it had probably been in my purse for a year but oh well. You do what you need to do not to make other people think that you stink.

When we finally got to Target I grabbed a cart and put Natalie in the front.

“I’ll meet you in the toys,” Tom said, taking Tommy with him to the video game section. This is what always happens when we go to Target.

When I first got to the toy area I just saw the signs that said 30% off and my heart dropped a little.

Ahh well...maybe another time...maybe...wait...wait...that red price tag says 75% off...and so does that one...and so does that one...THE SALE HAS STARTED!

I practically did a happy dance right then and there. But I contained myself. I peered around the area and realized that Old Lady Hog wasn’t there. It was just me alone with the toys that were 75% off.

Tom found me five minutes later with my cart filled.

“Okay, I’ve been gone for a few minutes. How is the cart already full?” Tom asked, scratching his head.

“I’m a professional,” I answered simply. I have the ability to scan things quickly and figure out if I need it or not. You have to be able to move fast for sales like this because the toy can be gone in a matter of seconds. I learned the hard way when I was trying to decide whether or not to get this Hot Wheels set for Tommy. I was so busy tapping my chin that I didn’t even realize that Old Lady Hog had grabbed it and placed it in her cart.

Of course Old Lady Hog wasn't even there but she has super powers and can probably morph out of thin air.

Tom started looking at the variety of toys and picked up a Lego set.

“Awesome! Let’s get this. It’s on clearance.” Then he tried to stick it in the cart. I checked the red tag and it was only 30% off.

“No Tom,” I said kindly, removing it. “This is not how shopping is done. We only want the toys that are 75% off.”

Tom looked baffled. “But it’s on clearance. And it’s here. Why not buy it now?”

Sometimes I wonder about his hearing. “Tom. The toys in my cart are all 75% off. I never buy toys at 30% off because I know I can get a better deal eventually,” I tried again.

Tom stared at me with his mouth agape. This was not computing.

“Here Tom. I’ll ask a worker to scan your Lego and see if perhaps it is 75% off,” I said and picked it back up. I found a worker and politely asked if she’d check the toy.

“Of course,” she chirped and scanned it. “Yup!” Then she printed out a red tag and stuck it on the box.


I headed back to Tom and waved it proudly over my head. “It was 75% off,” I said and put it in the cart.

“SAH-WEET!” Tom said, punching the air. He’s 27 and still loves Legos. He says they’re for Tommy but he’s usually hunched over building them. “Are we done?” Tom begged.

“Yup,” I said and we headed off to check out.

A few people tossed me a few odd looks as I walked with my cart full of toys. I thought it was because they assumed that I was an eBayer. I am so not an eBayer. All the toys are for Christmas. Natalie will forget all about them and I just told Tommy that an elf was coming tonight to take them back to the North Pole to make them special.

When we were standing in line I couldn’t stop scratching my neck. It was then when I realized that my shirt was on backwards and it was the tag that was bothering me. The collar was practically at the middle of my neck. I looked like I was in the 1800s or something. I hadn’t noticed because I was so busy shopping.

“Tom,” I hissed. “My shirt is on backwards. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugged. “I thought it was the new style. I don’t get girl styles.”

So basically I had been walking around with my collar basically up to my chin. Lovely. That’s probably why people were staring. They were like, “Um, what’s that chick doing wearing her shirt like that? We’re not on a compound..”

Want to see what I got?

This was one of my most exciting finds. Natalie has been wanting a train set like Tommy's big one and this is perfect. I got it for $8.

The creepy Yo Gabba Gabba stuff. Everything was under $5.

Tom convinced Tommy that he wanted the car thing for Christmas. And Elmo is just..well, everyone loves Elmo. Plus Natalie was all, "ELMO! THERE YOU ARE!" when she spotted him in the store.

The car thing was a little over $5 and the binoculars were only $1!

This was only $7.

And this was Tom's beloved Lego set.

And let it be known that I left a lot of toys behind lest you think I am like Old Lady Hog. I left a ton. Natalie wanted more Yo Gabba Gabba stuff because they had all the characters there but I only let her pick out one of each.

I would definately check out your Target if you want some awesome deals. Granted, some people were saying that their Targets are still holding at 30% off for toys but it's always good to check.

Now. I need to go find a place for all of these. Hmmmm...


  1. Man. I laughed so hard reading this, because it seemed like deja vu....

    I hope I didn't miss it at our Target.

    Thanks for stopping by for my special SITS day yesterday!

  2. I'm pretty sure that your husband should be worried. It sounds like you've been cheating on him with Target.

  3. Fun, funny post. I wish I was as good a shopper.

  4. I'm sorry, I couldn't get past the Rob Pattinson part. I just really don't like him! :)

  5. lol...i just checked out our target today and they were arranging everything for the 75% can bet i will be there tomorrow!

  6. I was at Barnes and Noble AS they switched the clearance sign from 50% to 75%. It's funny how attractive things you barely glance at full price, still don't quite need at 50%, become at 75%.

    That cradle is sweet...

  7. I must go to Target immediately...

  8. Christmas presents in, you're good.

  9. I love,love,love Target & I'll be heading to mine to see what's on sale because I need to be on the Christmas ball. And thanks for the tip on Rob Pattinson;)

  10. You're an awesome hero!

  11. As of Tuesday ours were still at 30% off, but all of the good ones were gone anyway so I won't be going back to check for 50 or 75% off. In fact, there is really hardly anything that's on clearance in the toy department. I did pick up a game of Partini the other day. Of course, that's only at my Target, there are 2 more on the same road (Amber, I'm telling need to move to this base, you would be in shopping heaven) but I haven't been to them.

    I think it's hysterical that Tom can't dress Natalie and that your shirt was on backwards! I could just picture it in my head!

  12. got some good deals!

  13. Wait!!! WHA- Huh?!?!?! Was this yesterday?! I mean, of course it was because it's only 7am here, but YESTERDAY?!?! I was in Target YESTERDAY buying freakin' TOYS for my son's best friend's birthday and I didn't see 75% off!!! No fare!!!!!

    Not only did I spend FULL price, but the chick charged me twice for the expensive toy. I had to have re-do everything.

    Maybe my Target likes to rip people off. I'm going to yours, I don't care how far the drive!

  14. SCORE!!!

    What are these Target forums of which you speak????

  15. Ah, you're shopping for Christmas in July!! What do you do in November and December when everyone else is shopping?

  16. Awww, crap, I gotta go to Target, AGAIN this week?!?!?

    The baby cradle is callin my name.

  17. Hm... I'm thinking the morning breath may have come in handy. Might even be your super power. Next time, skip the lemon Jolly Rancher. Ole Hog Lady won't stand a chance. ;o)

    (Great deals!)

  18. You are a Pro and I bow to that - but might I make a small suggestion? Perhaps you might prepare for the next 75% off sale by having a bag like those used when woman is pregnant and might need to rush to hospital in labor at any instant. Put a small traveling tube of toothpaste and a brush, clothes for each of you (just in case) and some other items - sissors? to cut off tags under the chin and whatnot.

    And then when the Target sale forum flashes the happy tidings - you can grab the bag and POW! Out the door in no time.

  19. You are my shopping hero - I mean I so stalk your advice

  20. You are the shopping goddess!!! Rock on!!! Now I must get to my Target and see what I can score for my nephew for Christmas!!!

  21. You are the shopping goddess!!! Rock on!!! Now I must get to my Target and see what I can score for my nephew for Christmas!!!

  22. Wearing your shirt backwards on the day that you rushed out of the house, and he just thinks it's a new fashion trend? Gotta love a guys' logic...

  23. sweet, i'm going to target right when i get off work! woo hoo! ;)
    p.s. you and tom alaways crack me literally lol over here!

  24. MUST....FIND....THAT....LEGO....CRANE...NOW.

    I am laughing so hard, I practically peed myself. I love how you brought everything full circle with Tom not knowing how to put Natalie's skirt on or recognizing your shirt was on backwards. Hope he appreciates the sacrifices you make in the name of thriftiness!

  25. You are such a good mommy! :) I need to find out when our Target has that sale.

  26. OMG! I need that baby doll crib NOW!!
    I had no idea that the sale could result in such treasures!!! Kudos!

  27. Wow! Great finds!
    I agree with you, Yo Gabba Gabba is the Creepiest show! I'm glad my daughter doesn't want to watch it!

  28. i laughed so hard i cried at this post!!! target is doing 30-75% off everything to....clothes toys some home decor....mints!!!

  29. you are impressive. I so need to take shopping lessons from you.

  30. I know my hubby would have been trying to toss those 30% toys in my cart too. I would have been tossing them right back out!

  31. Hilarious! I don't get the Twilight thing either. Oh, try typing Giada's boobs in a post and you will be both amazed and disturbed at the hits you get. Not exactly ones you may desire...but still..

  32. Great post, (picture the Flinstones feet peeling out in the car) leaving my dust trail now..................


    Grashammit. Now I have to go to Target, and I'll probably spend a fortune. Again. I have already single-handedly paid for the extra holiday workers that will be starting soon just by purchasing obnoxious Hello Kitty bathroom crap because OF COURSE that was the only obnoxious bathroom crap that the kid wanted.

    I blame YOU for the huge hit my checking account is about to take.

  34. Whoa! That is a serious haul! You did great. I do love Target. Except during school supplypalooza.

  35. Sweet deals!!! Good job! Wonder if I can drag Jon there tonight?

  36. Your funny!!!

    I would have left my hubby at home. He is also no fun. Plus, they add items like the legos. Gets expensive when they tag along.

    My husband started a little game that I took up. Whoever disappears from the house first WINS!!! The other one is stuck with the kids. At first, I was annoyed that he disappeared without saying anything to buy gas/coffee/etc. Then, I realized as always. If you can not beat them, join them. So, I also disappear on him. LOL!!!

    The couple times he called me. I said that I was getting groceries. ...

    really I was just out chilling. I also bring back at least one bag of food. He never questions why it took so long.

  37. Hilarious! I love that you check the "target forums". I never do that. I just play it fast and loose and never get good deals at Target!

  38. Agg!! I wanted those lego kits! If target didn't close in 2 minutes, I'd be there, bra or not.

  39. Okay, I got past the Rob Pattinson part, and I have to say, I'm so impressed with your shopping abilities! My kids aren't really that into toys anymore, but maybe Target has some other good deals. I'll have to check it out.

  40. Two words 'Target' and 'Forum' - how come I have never been introduced to this? Come on, I even worked for Target Corp. and have never heard of this.


    And crazy good deals - you go, girl :)

  41. Once I got a fake Christmas tree at Target for $2. It was 90% off. God, I love sales at Target!!!!

  42. Hell I need the traffic so I'm going to do a special post everyday with Rob's name in it. Thanks for the tip!

    A trip to Target just moved to the top of my weekend to do list.

  43. This is hilarious! I wish we had a target!

  44. Hi, popping over from SITS roll call to say hello. I really enjoyed your stories! You're a very talented writer and boy can I relate to many of these stories LOL!

    Hope you have a great weekend.

  45. Buy some Brush ups. That way you can just brush your teeth on the way. (Or in the middle of church when you realized you forgot to brush your teeth that morning.)

  46. You make me laugh so hard my husband wants to know why I'm laughing.

  47. Hahaha! I LOL'd at:
    “I know! When you were by me I nearly passed out from the stench,” Tom mocked.

    and your shirt being on backwards!

  48. I was so afraid that you left Tommy home in the confusion and hurry to get to Target. You didn't mention him till the end and I thought, "Oh No! A Home Alone scenario!" LOL! Looks like you got a haul!

  49. Oh, you are SO a Target girl after my own heart. I had to read it again to make sure you weren't writing a story about ME! I am a professional Target super-clearance shopper. Hubby calls me a ninja shopper. I have to agree with him: )


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