Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Cheese Shirt

Okay, so I admit it. I probably don’t dress like a typical Mom. A lot of my shirts depict funny sayings on them which apparently is a big no no to wear if you’re an adult. The people on What Not To Wear claim that worded tees are tacky. Tacky or not, I love them. But at the same time, I don’t want to embarrass my kid. So before we left for Parent Information Night at his school I asked Tommy if I could wear this:



(And if you can’t read backwards, the words say “You Monster!”)

“You can wear that. I like cheese,” Tommy said cheerfully.

Thankfully we didn’t have to take Natalie with us since Tom got home in time. Natalie tends to get insulted whenever we go into Tommy’s classroom because she assumes she’ll also get a desk and a chair. She’ll shout, “Where’s MY chair? WHERE’S MY CHAIR?”

She’s also going through a shy phase. If an adult speaks to her, she’ll instantly cover her face because if she can’t see you, you don’t exist.

Weirdly, she’s not shy around other kids. No, with other kids she marches over and says, “Who you?” to the startled child.

Well, that night I wouldn’t have to worry about Natalie frightening the kids or dodging the adults because she was staying with her Daddy.

“Remember to cut up her hot dog and give her some ketchup,” I told Tom as I grabbed my purse.

Tom rolled his eyes. “You act as though I don’t know how to take care of my own kid.”

Well. Maybe so. But he once stayed home with Natalie and when I came home, the house reeked because Natalie had pooped and he had claimed not to smell it even though his eyes were watering. He says that changing poop diapers makes him gag. I always joke that he’ll risk his life for his country, but heaven forbid a poopy diaper comes at him. It just doesn’t make sense.

Anyhow, Tommy and I went to his school and found seats in the auditorium. The Principal was going to speak before we were able to go to the classrooms. I had sat through this same speech twice before. A lot of people don’t bother to show up until a half hour later when the classroom visits begin—I’d do this but then there is no parking which means you get to park on the dirt and get boxed in.

The thing is, I’m awful at backing out and if you park on the dirt, people practically park on top of you and I know I’d hit something.

So I always come early which means I get to sit through a speech about responsibility from the Principal. She started her speech and I started to find ways of entertaining myself. Sometimes I’ll play Count the Gymboree. This is when I take note of the kids wearing the clothes. I had spotted two and then, oh my God, a family with five kids walked in all clad in Gymboree! Do you want to be my friend? I wanted to call out to the woman.

When the Principal was done, we were able to go to the classrooms. As we walked down the hall, Tommy waved hello to a lot of people. He’s well known because he’s a great kid. And, okay, because in Kindergarten he totally screamed. I’m proud to say he does not do that anymore.

Thank goodness there were adult chairs set up in Tommy’s classroom. It’s a little uncomfortable when the miniature chairs are set up—I mean, I can’t get my entire butt on that thing! I get one ass cheek on and the other hangs off. It’s especially comical to watch tall men sit down on the tiny chairs—their knees are practically up to their cheeks.

“Big people chairs!” I blurted out as I settled down. The woman who sat down beside me raised an eyebrow. Apparently she’s never had the misfortune of sitting in a munchkin seat.

I learned all about the expectations of second grade. When the teacher went over the discipline method—it’s a traffic light and if a kid gets a warning, they go from green to yellow and if they are really naughty, they go to red. Tommy whispered to me, “I’ve only gotten green lights since school started.” He nodded his chin to another little boy sitting with his Mom. “That kid always gets red lights.” I pressed a finger to my lips and Tommy was all, “I was just SAYING…”

Tommy is doing well in school. I’ll find out more during the Parent/Teacher conferences next month but for now, there are no issues which is always a plus. In Kindergarten I dreaded the sound of the telephone ringing because it was usually always the school telling me that Tommy was crying again.

So far, so good…

42 comments:

  1. i love that shirt!! seriously love it!! and that's awesome that he's doing so well! thank goodness we got mason's meds straightened out...my nerves were getting frazzled every time the phone rang! gotta love our kids!!!

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  2. When it was my nephew in school, a green apple meant very very good behavior. A red apple meant very bad, and you needed to go see the principal.

    So, every Fridays... the teacher would tally up whatever points it is, and give each child an apple. EVERYONE knew if you got a red apple!!! Why? Because you'd be walking down the hallway after class holding a red apple in your hand and your head hanging in shame... on your way to the principal's office. Red apples were very bad. Very Very bad.

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  3. Top, top, t-shirt.
    May I ask a stupid UK question?

    Gymboree??????

    This is one of my favourite pleasures reading this blog.

    *High fives you*

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  4. Tom rolled his eyes. “You act as though I don’t know how to take care of my own kid.”

    hahaha...and the paragraph after about the inability to change the poopy diaper made me laugh even more.

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  5. I'm delighted that Tommy is happy in school. That gives parents such peace of mind. And I love that the people in school like him so much! Yay!

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  6. I don't use the Stoplight system. I just give 'em a good screaming at and a slap. Much more effective. However, does cause that crying you were talking about.

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  7. That shirt cracked me up! "adult" clothes are so boring!

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  8. Oh, I remember the traffic light thing. Thankfully, my kids usually stayed on green, but there were some occasions of yellow, and even red. I'm glad to hear he's doing well in school. And for the record, wear what you want. My daughter likes it when I dress young, and she's in high school. If I don't embarrass her, I doubt you'll embarrass Tommy.

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  9. Gah! The tiny seats! Every time we go to a parent's night at school, I have to stand and not move for about five minutes after getting up from the tiny chairs just to be able to leave the classroom and walk to the car. My entire lower body is asleep from lack of blood flow.

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  10. Just think in high school you'll get real chairs.
    great post

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  11. When Skye was in kindergarten, I called in the first day because she punched a kid square in the face with her fist. The poor kid simply told her she had nice shoulders. She wore a spaghetti strap dress, it was unusually warm that year.

    After that I called in every other day. Apparently they thought it strange my child and another little boy, drew pictures of each other hanging or decapitated.

    What can I say she was collicky when she was a baby, the only thing on tv was the old horror movies. Strange enought the screams from the tv would calm her down.

    Me? I just shrugged and said she had a healthy imagination. Truth of the matter she was bored. She was ahead of the other kids.

    I still say we know our own kids better than anyone. (Hugs)Indigo

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  12. It's late I meant I got called in to the school. (Hugs)Indy

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  13. you kill me with the gymboree whadya gonna do when the grow out of the store woman?

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  14. I bet you all the other kids wish their moms were as cool as you! :)

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  15. I love your t-shirt! So happy Tommy is a green light kid and seems to love school. It's a lot easier if they do.

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  16. Yep - just what they all said above. Great tee, good going Tommy.

    I'm getting remarkably picky about teeshirts as I get older. I'm not sure it's a good thing.

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  17. Hey, thanks for joining my blog. I so understand the not having child care thing. My husband works midnights and watches the kids whild i go to school for three hours ever other day. Other wise I wouldn't be going for a few more years (until they get in school). Oh and I am grabbing a button on the way out! thanks steph

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  18. I am way too old to wear shirts with sayings, but I do, because I love them and because they crack me up. Stacey and Clinton can suck it.

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  19. YAY for green lights!!! So glad to hear things are going well this year!

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  20. Glad to hear that the open house went well for you guys! I really REALLY wish my babies were still ONLY in 2nd grade - I'd trade those years for these teenage years in a heartbeat! *sigh* :o)

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  21. O'yes, the time I have spent sitting on little chairs, It is surprising to me to hear how many parents do not go to these school activities. Believe me when I say, at my daughters schools, they all knew me. You're cute shirts might be the thing that helps the teacher rememeber you and that is a good thing.

    I was given my first meme that I would like to pass on to you. Stop by if you want to join in and if not, that's fine too. Love your updates.

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  22. We had our open house last night too. And, like you, we got there early because I don't wanna get dirt on my car because I had to park in the grass (mud)

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  23. I'm not a fan of printed t-shirts. I will give a pass on a super cool skull one, but ones with sayings and stuff, I agree with WNTW. ;) You are a skinny mini. Glad his school year is off to a good start. :)

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  24. Back to School night. Wow! I still remember my parents going to Back to School night for me. Now, we are supposed to go on behalf of our kids?

    It is a strange, strange world. However, you seem to be handling everything quite well!

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  25. a family of five all in gymboree?!?! they must be millionaires! i totally can pick out where other people's children's clothes come from. is that bad?

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  26. I'm glad it all went so well. You were wise to avoid the dirt parking :)

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  27. Yay for big people chairs! and yay! you aren't moving so Tommy will be in this school for the whole school year.

    And that super sunny yellow shirt probably looks awesome on you!

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  28. Ha, I think pooped diapers would make me run the other way too!

    And happy to hear he's doing so well. You should be so proud :)

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  29. My husband feeds our daughter cookies for breakfast if, by some miracle, I am still asleep when they get up, so I totally get that you had to tell him to "cut up the hot dogs"!

    I am sure you don't have much trouble with the kid chairs - you are skinny! But it is very nice to not to have your knees in your armpits, isn't it?

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  30. so glad it's going so well.. hope it'll continue!

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  31. those little people chairs are killers.

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  32. Ok you had me at the cheese monster shirt. Glad to also read that he doing well:)

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  33. I love that t-shirt...I see nothing wrong with wordy shirts at all!

    My husband says the same exact thing when I leave him with instructions and then when I come home the kids run up to me and say "Daddy didn't cut our grapes up for us. We told him that you said we could choke on whole grapes but he said it was fine". He should know that the kids will always rat him out.

    So glad to hear Tommy is doing well this year!!

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  34. Love the shirt!

    And I *hate* having to sit in those teeny kid chairs. Makes me feel like a giant fat-ass.

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  35. I'm glad it went well! Good to hear Tommy is getting all green lights. I like your shirt :)

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  36. My daughter used to do the thing where she covered her eyes because if she couldn't see me, she figured I couldn't see her, either. Cracked me up every time!

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  37. Any kid who approves of that awesome shirt is going to be okay. What a cool little guy.

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  38. I can understand your excitement but the fact you hollered it out cracks me up!

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  39. I always skip the principals message!! I DO NOT CARE what the moron has to say. Instead, I go to the classroom and read the newspaper until the rest get out of the big meeting.

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  40. Good thing our enemies don't get a hold of poopy diapers! Who knew those were the WMD's that Bush was talking about? LOL!

    I'm glad to hear that Tommy is getting all green lights in school. Yipee!

    I always hated parent/teacher night when I went for my son. I never knew WHAT to expect.

    My daughter was always good. Except when her second grade teacher told me that, "Your daughter is hanging around with the wrong group of kids." I'm like, "What, do they rob banks during lunch hour?" Seriously. This teacher just had it in for my daughter. Every other teacher loved her.

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