Tuesday, September 8, 2009

My Poor Neck


Sweet cinnamon.

This is what I breathed in when I woke up on Sunday.

Mmmm, cinnamon.

Wait. Cinnamon.

I sniffed and then realized that it was cinnamon rolls baking. Normally I wouldn’t mind. But I had told Tom a few days earlier that I planned on making them for our Sunday lunch. I realize that sounds a little odd but hey, it’s an easy lunch. This means I don’t have to scrounge around and find something to make.

When I had told Tom that I was making the rolls for lunch, he had laughed and said, “Those aren’t lunch,” and patted my head as though I were a child.

“He doesn’t listen!” I shouted as I sat up in bed. This was when I realized that my neck hurt and that I couldn’t turn it without a pain shooting through my body. Great.

I went downstairs and found Tom on the couch.

“You made the cinnamon rolls!” I accused, keeping my neck very straight.

Tom blinked innocently at me. “Yup. Is there a problem?”

At this point he had been home from work since Friday so I was losing my patience. A part of me longed to run outside to the neighbor’s house and say, “Excuse me? Sir? Would you mind taking my husband off my hands for a few hours?”

“Yes Tom, there is a problem. Remember I said that the rolls for lunch?” I said this through clenched teeth because not only was I irritated, but I had accidentally shifted my neck and a spasm of pain had gone up my face.

Tom waved a hand in the air dismissively. “Rolls aren’t lunch, sweetheart.”

“Yes they are! They can be lunch! There are no rules!” I shrieked, keeping my head still.

Tom raised an eyebrow at me. “Why do you look like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like…you have something wedged up your butt. Why aren’t you moving your neck?” Tom stood up and came over to me.

“Because I’m annoyed!” I insisted.

Tom raised an eyebrow at me. “You’ve never yelled at me without moving your neck before,” Tom said.

“Fine. My neck hurts,” I admitted.

“You know what’ll help? Cinnamon rolls!” Tom said cheerfully and went into the kitchen to pull them from the oven.

I slathered mine with the frosting. Tom seems to think that two small pats of icing is enough so I always have to add more.

“Gee. Do you want some cinnamon roll with that icing?” he joked.

Later, the neighborhood kids starting ringing the doorbell. I still couldn’t move my neck.

I heard a crash coming from the garage a few minutes later and stomped outside to find a bunch of my plastic totes knocked over.

“What’s going on out here?” I demanded. I pretended that my neck wasn’t killing me because children latch on weakness.

A bunch of kids spoke at once.

“Well Tanner was—”

“She was climbing on—”

“Someone pushed me into—”

“Why do you look all stiff?” an older kid inquired, gaping at me.

I feigned confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You look weird,” he said bluntly. Apparently his parents forgot to teach him the lesson of tact.

“My Mom doesn’t look weird!” Tommy cut in.

Aww! My boy, coming to my rescue. Isn’t that—

“She just has a bad neck!” Tommy continued.

Blabbermouth. My kid is a blabbermouth. I swear all the kids started leering at me.

She’s wounded! Get her!

“Just...be careful in here,” I quickly said and practically ran inside. Running with a sore neck is not easy, mind you.

Thankfully I was feeling better by the evening. And Tom went to see Inglorious Bastards so I had the house to myself. Well, sort of. The kids were there but they were sleeping.

When Tom got home he said, “They showed a scalping in the movie!” He looked totally enthused over this. I’m wondering if I should be worried.

“That’s gross, Tom,” I said.

I’m surprised he didn’t break into a song about blood and gore, to be honest.


  1. Oh they showed more then one scalping! But besides the gore, I loved that show! Brad Pitt, hello?

    And I'm glad to see that you didn't end up burning the house down, I'd take a neck injury over that any day!

    PS sorry about your neck.

  2. I love that Tom insists that cinnamon rolls are not lunch because they really are so much better for breakfast all warm and gooey. I even put butter on mine when they're warm because, well we put butter on everything in the south.

  3. Oh Lord I feel for you. I had a stiff neck not too long ago. My neck was in pain for days. It finally went away on its own, but damn . . . I hurt.

  4. "she's wounded. Get her".... lol! love it all the way!

  5. Cinnamon rolls can absolutely be lunch!!! And breakfast and dinner all in the same day!!! they are cinnamon rolls for petes sakes!!! Don't guys know anything?!??! Sheesh!!!

  6. I'm glad your neck is feeling better. I have a craving for cinmamon rolls, though. I'm off to the store!

  7. We have no rules here for meals, breakfast is often what ever we brought home from the restaurant the night before.

    Hope you feel better.


  8. I agree there are no food rules. I like a turkey roll up for breakfast. When our daughters were little,Terry thought a banana split was a good hot weather dinner.

    Hope you're feeling better. My middle daughter saw Inglorious Bastards and told me I wouldn't like it-even with Brad Pitt. Must have been the scalping thing.

  9. But, cinnamon rolls DO make everything better! (well, icing makes everything better, but it needs some kind of cinnamon-filled transportation device.) Hope you feel better soon! :D (until then, I say MORE FROSTING!)

  10. Inglourious Basterds WAS FREGIN awesome.

  11. OUCHOUCHOUCH!!!!! I've had a neck problem due to a sleeping error for more than 15 years and there is nothing pleasant about it. I've had to be the quarterback of my own team, coordinating visits to OT, PT, massage (my personal favorite), orthopedic surgeon, cortisone shots, lidocaine shots, acupuncture, swimming, personal trainer -- all intermixed with liberal doses of whining.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  12. So could you not have cinnamon rolls for breakfast AND lunch?

    I think I know why I have a weight problem

  13. Hope your neck feels better soon.

  14. Cinnamon Rolls are never not ok.

    Neck pain is never ok.

    Brad Pitt is never not ok.

    Scalping - well - maybe in the hands of Quentin Tarantino...

  15. Oh mah hell, those bizarre broken necks you wake up with? Pure hell. Awful. And I'm with you on the frosting to roll ratio.

  16. You couldn't convince Tom to massage your neck a little? Of course, he'd probably want to take it to the next step and start massaging other places!

    Mmmm, cinnamon rolls sound good right about now! See what you started?!

  17. Now, look, I'm not suggesting that suburbia and domesticity aren't TOTALLY your thing, but I think you'd relate to my post today....just sayin'


  18. I hate those sleep pathologies! Hope you feel better soon. Oh and please don't kill Tom, we need him for the funny stories, but cinnamon rolls are totally ok any time of the day!

  19. Well, short of bombs exploding and major car/airplane/oceanliner crashes, what guys like best in a movie is blood and gore. Maybe we could write them a little song about it, and let them work up a dance routine...

    How's your neck?

  20. There's nothin' worse than neck pain, and nothin' better than cinnamon rolls. . . I'm torn!!!

  21. why, oh why must they screw with our schedules!?!? men!

  22. why, oh why must they screw with our schedules!?!? men!

  23. blasphemer! that's what he is!! who says they can't be lunch?! i'll serve them for dinner!

  24. You are my kinda girl cinnamon rolls are lunch maybe even dinner too! Hope your neck is better. Did he like the movie I hear it is excellent?

  25. Cinnamon rolls are a meal at any time of the day.

    Breakfast, with milk and coffee.

    Lunch, with a side of fruit.

    Dinner, next to a slab of ribs.

    Okay, maybe not the ribs...

  26. I love your blog. I've never tried cinnamon rolls, but I'll need to now.

  27. Crinked necks are the worst! And I never knew the magical cure was cinnamon rolls! I'm trying that next time :)

  28. *take two cinnamon rolls, extra heavy on the frosting and some bed rest for that neck*

    Hope you feel better soon.

  29. You can make lunch for me anytime!

  30. In my house, cinnamon buns are made for dinner. There definitely aren't any rules when it comes to cinnamon buns.

  31. Oh I haaaaaaaaaate having a stiff neck!!! I hope yours gets better soon and you're a girl after my own heart...the frosting is not a garnish, it's the main dish.

  32. Great writing style! Great idea asking for what you want while he's on the computer. You're right. He can't admit he, what, "wasn't listening"? I don't think so. Good strategy girl!

  33. nice bLog! its interesting. thank you for sharing.... neck inversion


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