Friday, October 30, 2009

The Other Mothers

I really try to get out more.

But the thing is, sometimes I can be a bit anti-social. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an Only Child or what.

I have tried playgroups because I figured my children shouldn’t be anti-social, you know? So I went to one a few times when we were in England.

And I promptly got irritated.

There was this one woman who’d say things like, “And my son is already counting to ten. Is that normal?” Her son was one. She was obviously fishing for a compliment, waiting for people to gasp, “Oh my GOD! He’s one and can count to ten? He’s so ADVANCED!”

She got the praise too. All the other mothers would flip out and go, “Your son is a little genius!”

I think she was lying. Her son ate dirt for craps sake. He tried to poke my son’s eye out. All I’m saying is that he never counted to ten in front of us.

“My son knows all of his shapes,” Bragging Mom said the next time we all met. “Is that normal?”

Dear gracious, I wanted to claw my eyes out.

And then other Moms chimed in as though they couldn’t bare the fact that their precious children weren’t geniuses. So someone else would go, “Well, my daughter can sing her ABCs..” And someone else would shout, “My son can do algebra!” or some nonsense thing like that.

I was all, “Well. My son learned how to say please. We’re pretty thrilled with that.” Because at that point Tommy wasn’t talking much and any word he’d utter was exciting. Another time I went, “My son keeps his pants on when we’re in public now. Always a good thing.”

Anyhow, I only went to that group one more time. And yes, Bragging Mom was back in full force. “You GUYS, my son knows how to ADD! Is that normal?”

“No. It’s not normal.” The words slipped out of my mouth before I could think. All eyes swiveled to me. I swallowed and went, “I mean....christ, I guess your son is…” (And Bragging Mom leaned forward, wanting the word so badly..) “..advanced,” I finished with a roll of my eyes.

Women like that drive me insane. The bragging drives me insane. Of course I think my children are smart but I know other people really don’t give two hoots. But some people love to prattle on and on about their little darlings and I just want to cover their mouths and say, “Let’s talk about something else. Please.”

I went to another playgroup when we first got here.

This one woman had a sling where she kept her baby and I just casually said that I didn’t use slings.

“Why?” the woman demanded, clearly in shock. The other two women there looked equally surprised.

Ooops. I twisted my fingers nervously and went, “Well. I prefer strollers. I don’t like my baby strapped to me. I need, you know, space.”

It was like I had just screamed the word PUBES or something. The women all looked positively aghast that I had dared to say such a thing.

I mean, oh no, I use strollers. The HORROR. Not wanting my baby strapped against me. THE HORROR.

These were obviously crunchy ladies. And there is nothing wrong with crunchy ladies. I have friends that are crunchy and they probably think I’m harming Mother Earth with the disposable diapers I use but they’re polite enough not to say a word about it.

Before I left that group, I so wanted to pause and look over my shoulder and say, “And by the way. I had the DRUGS when I gave birth.” But I didn’t want them to keel over from shock or anything.

I was tempted to give a group another try. So I signed up for e-mail alerts. Then I get an e-mail from the group leader talking about meeting for some Fitness Fun.

First of all, fitness is NEVER fun. Is the woman on crack?

Second of all, she wanted us all to meet at 9. In the morning. Granted, I’m up at 7 during the week but I’m never fully awake by 9. At 9, I’m still blinking in confusion and wishing that I could go back to bed. Do you honestly think I could force myself to a GYM for some Fitness FUN? Maybe if we could meet at, oh, one, then I’d be alert. Granted, I’d still be cranky being in a gym.

Needless to say, I’m not going.

I might just do what I have been doing and just bring Natalie to the indoor mall playground and let her run around. She meets kids that way after all. I’ll chit chat politely to the mother and if she’s a nutter, well, odds are I won’t ever have to see her again so it’s okay.

It’s a win win situation.

51 comments:

  1. Ugh, I hate when other mommies go on and on and ON about how "smart" and "advanced" and oh so "perfect" their kids are. Blah, blah, blah, I don't CARE! Seriously. I don't get how some people don't understand how utterly annoying it is to hear someone go on and on about thier kids' "geniusness," especially when said kid is doing something totally un-genius like... ahem... eating dirt.
    -Jen

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  2. I haven't even bothered with the playgroups. I'm kind of shy as it is, so I know it wouldn't go well. Plus, I irritate easily. And I don't really like anyone else's kids. Heck, sometimes I don't even like MY kids.

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  3. Oh good grief - I can't stand people like that! You handled it much better than I probably would have - after the first - maybe the second time - I'd never have gone back, much less tried another play group! LOL

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  4. My child stuck her hands in her poop filled diaper and smeared it all over the wall...is that normal?

    Oy vay moms like that make me NUTTY!

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  5. Ooooh! Snobby moms drive me batty! I'm not in any playgroups for the same reason. I get wracked with guilt about it every once in a while and try again, but. . .nope. Not for me. I'm a terrible mom, I know. Too bad for my kid!

    'Course, I have a blog so I can babble on about the greatness of my daughter. I get it all out here on the WWW ;) But I don't do it in PERSON! *giggle*

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  6. I can't stand braggers. It never ends either. Those same mothers are still bragging about their brilliant children even though they are failing high school. :)

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  7. I agree. We get it, you're proud of your kid. Got it. Let's move on. I soooo know what you mean. I hate when people bring babies to the office because then you're supposed to coo and gush all over them and that's just not me. Anywho. Hope y'all have a great All Hallows Eve! :)

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  8. I think we should teach our kids to blog so they can get some social interaction that we don't have to be a part of.

    That's what we do for hell sakes

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  9. Amber, I like your commentors! :) I don't have a kid, granted, but I have 14 nieces and nephews. So I've been there too.

    Playgroups are definitely OUT for me. I'm antisocial, terribly shy, and I LIKE disposable diapers. I never really understood the cloth diaper being the best thing. I mean, more laundry? More soap? More plastic bottles of soap, more lint, more dryer sheets? More electricity or gas having to be used when you wash these cloth diapers as opposed to disaposable ones? I mean, whats the big difference? Disaposable ones... you can get the smell and the poo OUT of the house ASAP. Cloth diapers? Not so much. Okay, thats my diaper rant. I have one more...

    BRAGGERS are usually competitors. And I don't like competitors either. Its not healthy! *LOL*

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  10. Oh man. I wish I could brag that my little guy keeps his pants on. He is 3 and he is the one at the park that whips his wee wee out and pees on everything.

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  11. OMG! We should hang out! LMAO! I can't STAND that! I have 4 kids. All of them were at different stages at different ages. And I SO can not stand those sling things that some moms use. Now, if it's for convenience because you have both your hands, ok. Although, I'd be scared to death that my child was going to roll out of it! lol But, DAMN, give me a carrier car seat (that can sit in a shopping cart ) OR a...*gasp*... stroller!... so I have 2 hands to do things! :-)

    I have to email your blog link to my sister! She'd LOVE it! She's also an Air Force wife (and I'm a soon-to-be Army wife). :-)

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  12. Yeah, the bragging is so absurd... You know, if your kid's doing that, fine, but keep it to yourself. No one else wants to think their kid is behind, and so who gains what from those little shows of so-called superiority?

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  13. Respond with "My son drove us to the park today. Is that normal?"

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  14. The whole "Mommy play date" thingy is something that I am not looking forward to. Why must mommies get together with other mommies for just because they are all mommies? I hate fake people and I hate being fake pretending to like people.

    Grrrr. Maybe I'll pass on the whole having kids thing.

    (totally kidding)

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  15. And of course my kids will know their alphabet, count to 100 & drive a car by the time they are 1 year old.

    Is that normal?

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  16. I enjoyed reading this so much, cracked me--I needed a laugh today! The playground mall sounds like your best bet. That bragging about their kid would get on my nerves too, don't blame you one bit for calling it quits on the play group but think you should try the Fitness Fun just to see.

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  17. Hallellujah! I hate it when people go on and on and on about their kids and how 'special' they are. I mean, all kids are special but you don't see me going on about it.

    I tried a playgroup once too. All the women were so rich and had these huge houses and were all crazy! Honestly, I think it must have been a Stepford Wife insane asylum I walked into!

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  18. First~ your kids will totally survive without playgroup. They socialize with each other. And besides, that's what kindergarten's for, teaching them to socialize. The only thing those playgroups are good for is seeing how much you can shock the other mommies. Oops. Did I type that out loud??! My kids never went to playgroup and eventually ended up being homeschooled. And guess what...they're plenty social!

    And advanced!! Did I mention how advanced they were??

    giggling,
    ♥Spot

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  19. My kid just punched your kid in the face. Is that normal?

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  20. I could never stand Mommy groups and my daughter turned out "advanced".

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  21. we could totally hang in the same playgroups then. people like that make me crazy, too!

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  22. Probably no surprise that I'm a stroller mommy myself. We should form some support group. Me too - I need space.

    I love mommies who fish for comments, I just don't take the bait.

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  23. I'm a firm believer that playgroups are all about the moms and not the kids. At least out by me.

    I'm also a firm believer that being a 'crunchy' mom is all about the mom and not the baby, for the most part. But of course, the pain meds, the disposable diapers and the stroller were all about me too, and not the baby. lol.

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  24. I can't deal with the other Air Force wives as it is; but when they get into the whole child-competition thing, it drive sme nuts.

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  25. I figured out a long time ago: I DON'T PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR These folks make me want to string them up and play that game where you hit the ball on the string around the pole.....can't think of the name but pretend they are the ball anyway.......a few good whacks should do the trick, don't cha think?? What fun..I'm warped I know..=0)

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  26. I am on your side. Don't make me listen to that shit. Sorry, but I have to listen to it from parents all year long, so I am not going to when it is free will. If I hear one more parent at school tell me what a genius their Completely Average Child is...

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  27. Let's face it - play groups aren't REALLY for the KIDS - they're for the MOMS to gossip and compare their kids.

    I totally know where you're coming from and I don't blame you for not joining a group. You are NOT anti-social.

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  28. And there's another reason I don't try to be friends with people. The incessant bragging and judging. I can't go there.

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  29. Oh ya...well my kid can kick your smart kids ass..and I don't care how abnormal that may be...I think we'll always be hearing from moms that are looking to boost themselves by bragging (aka, blatantly lying) about what their kids can so wondermously achieve.

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  30. Makes me think of mean bumper stickers...
    :)

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  31. haha I have been to a few of those mum and toddlers sessions, I know exactly how you feel!!!!
    Love your blog adding ot to my blog list hope thats ok, Im new here and having such fun, havent stopped laughing since discovering these blogs!

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  32. Sounds like you just haven't found your niche of a mommy group yet. I can't stand the braggers. Lol at 'pubes'. haha!

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  33. I can't stand bragging moms and there is always one in every group. Not only are their children above everyones else's, but they act as it they are too and they are always very judgemental. I truly believe that women like that, those judging bc your child rides in a stroller, are deep down, extremely insecure. When people feel good about themselves they don't feel the need to act superior...unless they're Narcisists, and I know one of those too, but that's an entirely different story.

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  34. btw, I thought you might enjoy a little catch phrase that my therapists tells me every time I tell her something that goes on with moms I know, who do things like that to me..."Hell is Other Mommies."

    Now, that doesn't mean that she and I think that hell is ALL other mommies, just the judgemental, I'm a better mom than you, kinda ones.

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  35. I hate the bragging, too. It drives me insane. ANd while I know I shouldn't buy into it, I can't help but feel that my girls are somehow unworthy/dumb/slow OR that I am a failure for not "teaching" them things.

    Me, I'm just grateful we know our own names and we don't pick our noses (often) in public anymore. hahaha!

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  36. I've never been to a playgroup for the exact reasons you mentioned.

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  37. I used to think I had missed out by not joining a playgroup. You just made me feel better.

    We hear this bragging crap all the time at school. I had a parent of a special needs preschooler (three years old) who swore her child could write music. She couldn't feed herself independently but she was writing like Bach. Right.

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  38. Oh, how I hate the braggers! In any situation, really, but involving the kids particularly.

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  39. You're right! Don't go!
    I am an only child and I have the same take!

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  40. I smiled, then I laughed. Great blog post!

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  41. I tried my sister's sling and decided I wasn't smart enough to use it! What's wrong with strollers??

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  42. Those moms are crazy! I love the title of your blog, by the way. :)

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  43. Preach on sistah!!! I found my playgroup slowly. I met one awesome lady at the grocery store and she knew an awesome lady who introduced us to another cool mama and then the chain began.

    You never know where your kindred spirit could be lurking.

    Good luck!
    XO
    Leigh

    PS...my kid plays video games for 3 hours in a row sometimes, is that normal?

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  44. Thanks for the laugh. I really enjoyed this post. Just wait until you meet the PTA moms, oof!

    Tater Tot Mom: Love the Stepford Wife analogy. I've often felt the same way. Super clean homes, cooking, PTA, blah, blah, blah. Freaky!

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  45. I laughed all through this post!! I agree with you, some moms are just plain irritating! But not me when I'm bragging about my grandson, oh no, not me! :-)

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  46. when my daughter wasnt speaking in complete sentences at 15 months i thought their was something wrong with her. I took her to a speech therapist at the age of 3 because her "r"s werent perfect. my son did all these things clearly something was wrong with my daughter. the therapist corrected me "no your son is a freak, children dont do that at those ages" i felt like an idot. but i needed it. I will say, Im not one for baby bragging, ive decided that moms with babies are sleep deprived and feel like such crap that their trying to justify their loss of being carefree, worryfree and single by bragging about their children. well... thats how i felt anyway... STROLLERS ROCK!

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  47. Ugh, I don't have kids but when I do, I won't be strapping them to anything other than a stroller. If those crunchy moms fall over, they will squash their precious bundle, and I fall over A LOT. Not worth the risk.

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  48. You and I would get along great in playgroup. :) And I would serve cocktails for the adults too. LOL.

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  49. I wanna join the playgroup where we ignore our kids and drink wine...

    You nailed on the HEAD why I don't do playgroups. Brag, brag, brag....ugh. Stepford wives, I tell you.

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  50. Arrrghhhh I remember those days of the "other moms". So many times I wanted to stand up scream and shove a sock in one of their mouths. And everyone is fake and complimenting when you know inside they are thinking the complete opposite. LOL

    Save yourself the headache and take her to the playground at the mall.

    Hang in there!!
    http://www.homespunheartscandles.blogspot.com

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  51. I've thought about trying to find a playgroup thing. But I'm afraid it would be exactly like that...I'm not good at relating to other ordinary women...how would I do with crazy moms?

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