Monday, November 9, 2009

Little Miss Sick?

Natalie woke up screaming at three in the morning on Friday.

She does that sometimes. I guess she has a nightmare or something so I’ll stumble in, assure her that everything is okay and then say that it’s time to go back to sleep.

Tom rarely hears it when Natalie cries. I think he’s going deaf. Because when Natalie started to wail on Saturday, he just rolled over. Sometimes I want to lean over and start wailing into his ear.

I forced myself out of bed and went to Natalie’s room. That’s when I realized she was making a horrible gagging noise.


Please no….

Not barf.

I cannot deal with barf. I can deal with blow out poops any day….but barf? Not so much.

I watched in horror as Natalie spewed all over the carpet.

“Mommy!” she gasped in between retching. “I sicken! I SICKEN!”

I would have gathered her into my arms. But then she threw up down her front.

The smell was….let’s just say I was trying hard not to throw up myself.

I went over to Natalie, who was sobbing, and told her it was going to be okay.

“Mommy!” she wailed and then rushed into my arms, pressing last nights regurgitated dinner all over my front.

“It’ll be okay,” I said in a strangled voice. I was trying hard not to breathe.

“Mommy, I---” Natalie began and then a spew of throw up hit my shoulder.

“Okay, Linda Blair, let’s settle down,” I said, scooping her up. I rushed her into the bathroom.

Of course she didn’t throw up again though.

No, she had done that already all over her room. All over me.

I gave her a quick bath and then stripped her bed and cleaned up her floor.

Then I put her back to bed and took a quick shower.

When I climbed back into bed Tom was all, “What happened? What’s that smell?”

“Natalie threw up,” I explained.

Then he started snoring again.

The next morning Natalie was clearly out of it. Instead of racing around the room, she lounged on the couch. This is unthinkable for my children. My kids are always on the go. They rarely sit for long.

Natalie threw up a few more times. She said she was hungry for lunch so I fixed her a plate—and then she threw up all over it.

“I’m going to be sick,” Tom said, dropping the pizza he was about to eat.

He was still sitting there in horror until I shouted at him to “help clean up the puke, for God’s sake, don’t just SIT there…”

Natalie went to bed early and then woke up calling my name at two in the morning.

“Mommy? MOMMY!”

I braced myself for the vomit.

But thankfully there was none.

Natalie just wanted cold water and a diaper change.

On Saturday morning Natalie was a bit warm but she was behaving more like herself. She was racing around and getting into everything. Towards the end of the night I noticed that she crawled back on the couch and I thought she was feeling sick. I checked her temperature and it showed she was back to normal.

“Mommy. Want water with ice,” Natalie told me primly.

That was something I did for her when she was sick: I’d add an ice cube to keep it cold longer.

When I returned with Natalie’s ice water she went, “Want princess blanket.” So I got that for her.

Then she asked for her pillow.

And I started to wonder if she was pretending to feel sick…..

But then I felt guilty. Of course she was still sick.

But then again…..

She probably loved it when I babied her all day Friday. She could have thought, “Wait a minute. I don’t want to give that up. But if I pretend to be sick…”

On Sunday Natalie did the same thing. When I dared to give her plain water she went, “I want ice,” and handed her cup back.

I took her cup and bent down to her level. “You wouldn’t be pretending to be sick, would you?”

Natalie blinked sweetly at me. “Water. With ice.”

“Amber! Why are you just standing there? Our sick daughter asked for water with ice!” Tom’s voice rang out. He took the cup and gave me a dirty look. He was totally falling for it. Natalie is his little princess. His baby.

“She’s not sick anymore, Tom. Her temperature is normal. She’s been running around the house all day at top speed. She squeezed out the last of the toothpaste all over the bathroom. She’s faking it,” I explained as I walked into the kitchen.

(Further proof: this was Natalie on Sunday. In the background you can see the mess she’s made. PLUS she’s clomping around in her Daddy’s shoes...


“She is not! Look at her! She’s laying there all pathetic under her princess blanket,” Tom said. He walked back out with Natalie’s water. “Here you go, sweetie.”

Natalie took it. “Thank you, Daddy.” Then she gave me a Look that clearly said, “Mwahaha.”

She didn’t want dinner. She asked for ice cream.

“Okay,” Tom said.

“TOM! I tell you, she’s faking it!” I argued.

“She’s not. Look at her all pathetic under her princess blanket.”

Of course when I looked at her she gave me another “mwahaha” look.

I walked out and gave Natalie her ice cream. “I’m onto you,” I said.

Natalie grinned at me with ice cream dripping off her chin. “I yuv you,” she said.

I smiled back. “I yuv you, too, little faker…”


  1. Man, Tom is lucky he still has his testicles...

    She is quite the adorable little faker.

  2. oh but how could you say no!!

    lol.. your kids are both so funny, adorable and totally cute!!

  3. I wish I could pretend to be sick and have my mommy take care of me.

  4. Funny, funny and more funny!

    Men are so gullible!

    I'm with you on the puke though...that is the worst smell!

  5. Oh, she is so cute and too smart for her own good! Believe me, developing that skill now will only help her later in life! Loved your story but I too, hate puke!

  6. So cute! My 7mo old daughter already has her daddy wrapped around her little finger... I can only imagine this is a little snippet of our future too. haha

  7. How can you blame Tom for falling for it. Natalie looks so sweet and adorable. She would never fake sick! Natalie is pretty smart to catch on that if she pretends to be sick that she gets waited on. It took me a lot longer to figure it out then her.

    By the way, I doubt Tom is actually going deaf. I bet he is faking it as well. There is no way he is sleeping during a babies cry! I think I see where Natalie gets it from!

    Great story! Thanks for sharing! As well, I am glad Natalie is feeling better!

  8. I also have a horror of cleaning up puke. My dog does it occasionally and I always try to get my husband to clean it up. Thankfully we are just in the spit up stage... I am not looking forward to when we are on solid food full time!

  9. I also have a horror of cleaning up puke. My dog does it occasionally and I always try to get my husband to clean it up. Thankfully we are just in the spit up stage... I am not looking forward to when we are on solid food full time!

  10. Aww.. isn't it funny how fast they catch on to fibbing and acting. I'm glad she is feeling better!

  11. Oh man, he better get it together with her. Because other wise you are in for it when she is a teenager.

  12. Awwwww. Sorry she was feeling so nasty, I'm glad she's feeling better now. My husband is the same way with the baby-deafness. Its amazing. . . It will be interesting to see how long her daddy lets her milk it! As long as she knows YOU won't fall for it, all is well!

  13. I spent last week babying my princess too. Although she's 18 and doesn't even live at home anymore. I was glad she was visiting when she got ill. Thankfully, there was no vomit.

    Glad both our girls are better.

  14. LOL I can totally relate to this post. Jon never hears anything. Then he crabs at me about why we end up with babies in our bed. As for the puke, uck! And fakers galore at our house, too. I love it when they do it. Priceless! James came to me this morning and told me he had a cookie for breakfast. It was all I could do not to laugh, then I saw him hiding it behind his back. Chased after him trying to get a bite, but he wasn't sharing. :D

  15. Bawahahahaha! That is great. Not the Linda Blaire thing, but the faking thing. So funny!

  16. Here's a tip . . . Tom's pretending to be asleep . . . That "roll over" is for your benefit. He's rolling over so you can't see that he's awake. Also, start laying on the couch looking pathetic while wrapping yourself in a princess blanket. Learn from the Natalie. Learn from her. Tom will be putty in your hands! Muah ha ha! :)

  17. Oh, poor baby was sicken! And poor you - that is the worst! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt but had to throw it out because it got puked on. Yuck.

    A day or two of faking for a little extra love and a few less chores is ok, isn't it? Just a couple days? Oh. Well, never mind. I was asking for a friend...

  18. I'm impressed that she has the faking sick thing down so early. That took me well into high school to perfect. :P

  19. i so dont miss those days. i praise god everytime my kids make it to the bathroom to puke.

    thats it, if you have to deal with the drama and the acting you should get paid. modeling agencies, here comes natalie...

  20. Why do mom's get the bad rap? Who knows our kids better then us? "Daddy"s and their little girls are funny to see though. Just wait until she is 13.

  21. Oh your husband is a SUCKER!

    Don't turn that girl into my ex roommate. She faked a heart condition, being sick all the time, her dads death to get off of work. You read that right, SHE FAKED HER DADS DEATH FOR A DAY OFF WORK!!!

    You are a way better mom than hers I'm sure!

  22. She is one smart cookie that one! Already has Daddy wrapped around her little finger!

  23. I hate the puke, too. I can handle anything else without a problem. I just can't deal with vomit.

    And my husband is the same way. He rarely hears it or helps.

    The worst was when my girls were 18 months old (twins) and they both came down with the stomach flu at exactly the same time. Vomiting in the middle of the night all over their cribs, down the wall, etc...ugh. Fortunately ever since then, they've usually staggered themselves a bit, which helps mommy out!

  24. Wow, manipulating already! At least she's not puking anymore!

  25. That's going to be Ben if we have a daughter.

  26. She's working him! Just wait till she's older.

  27. awwww! holy daddy's girl batman!! but still she's so dang cute! and its adorable that he just melts over cute :)

  28. She's trying to figure out which one of you will be easier to manipulate in her teen years. lol

  29. Hey, you gotta give her credit where it's due, right?

    I hate it when I wake up to a kid standing over me, all green and woozy saying " I think I'm going to throw up..."

    Well get to the BATHROOM! Don't stand over my open, snoring mouth so you can spew into my throat!

    God. KIDS.

  30. LOL!!

    I hate barfing kids too. Carpet....shudder........why can they never just pick ONE spot????

  31. Having a sick kid is the worst.

    I'm glad she appears to be on the mend.

  32. Hey, all the acting practice may well get her an Oscar in the future! Glad to hear she's better enough to fake being sick.

  33. She is a smart little girl, lol....and I am glad she is feeling better.

  34. Whew! Now I've had to clean up waaaay more than my fair share of kids vomiting, especially in a vehicle, but I have NEVER been vomited on! Kudos to you for not losing it too! Bleh! She's adorable by the way..all cleaned up in that pic!

  35. That whole puke scene? Yuk! I have sympathy vomiting - I can hardly take SMELLING puke let alone cleaning it up! LOL!

    Natalie is so funny! She's learning those tricks mighty early. Poor Tom. Boy is he in trouble!

  36. That whole puke scene? Yuk! I have sympathy vomiting - I can hardly take SMELLING puke let alone cleaning it up! LOL!

    Natalie is so funny! She's learning those tricks mighty early. Poor Tom. Boy is he in trouble!

  37. Faker or not, she is cute. Glad she's better.

  38. So funny, because I was just thinking about this the other day when Maggie felt sick. I was doting on her and suddenly realized... what if she gets used to this? MAN. I could be creating a MONSTER. lol

    Glad she's better! I haaaaate the puking. argh

  39. Oh my, is this ever funny and timely, since I was puked on yesterday. I have flashback gags whenever I think about it. My kid is pretty much missing school for the first time with this illness, and (as an inveterate faker myself) I'm trying hard to make her feel better but not make the time too fun as she's starting to perk up. I don't want to give her any ideas. Great post.

  40. Oh give me 104 fever any day..but not puke. That is just worst. And oh boy, she's a trickster, huh? Thy are just too smart. I have to tell you that I had tears rolling down my face laughing while reading this to my husband. I'm sorry:)

  41. UGH I can deal with anything but puke. I can watch blood and guts in movies and not get the least bit queasy... but watch someone throw up or, GOD FORBID, smell it, I lose it!

    Good luck with such an adorable little faker... you've got your hands full in the years ahead!

  42. You know what happens to me when I think my oldest is faking sick? She pukes on me...good times

  43. AHAHAHA! I love it! Well, not the puking part, but the faking part and your hubby falling for it. My hubby does the same thing. ;) Glad she's feeling better!

  44. Hmm. Maybe Tom needs to go the freezer to . . . pick up some cubes.

  45. Oh dear..... Poor Natalie - and clever Natalie all at the same time!

  46. I'm with TKW

    Hope you are all feeling better

  47. Too cute...except for the puke of course. =)

  48. My daughter Skye used to do the same thing. I could have a bucket right in front of her and she would still manage to projectile vomit all over me, the room and herself.

    Wait till she gets to be a teenager, Tom will learn soon enough when he's getting played. (Hugs)Indigo

  49. Wouldn't you if you thought you could get away with it? :)

  50. Ugh. I hope she is "really" all better now!

    p.s., if you are thinking about getting a puppy, they umm, well, they take housebreaking... and I once had one I thought would never ever get things figured out...

  51. your kids are both so funny, adorable and totally cute!!
    Work From Home


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