Wednesday, September 8, 2010

What Was It?

What in the world?

What was that?

Was there a....MAN downstairs?

Oh my God, there was a man downstairs and it was eleven at night. Who would be awake to help me? What should I do? Run downstairs with the bat that I keep by my bed raised over my head while giving a Zena type call? Throw my slipper at his head?

Okay. I could do this. I was a capable adult.

I took a deep breath and moved to the staircase. I took one step and paused. I could still hear him.

It sounded like he was....

...singing?

Was this some sort of weird prank?

Maybe it was a new craze? Maybe it was the thing to break into people’s homes, sing, and then leave?

Wait.

The singing stopped. Now what? I craned my neck to see if I heard the burglar moving around. But it was silent.

Did he leave? Maybe I hadn’t heard it at all? I do have an overactive imagination. I once thought the curtain was a ghost.

“EEEEE!” I went. Not because the assailant attacked me, but because the cat brushed against my leg.

Max! He’d protect me. Sure he was just a cat but he was pretty fat. I bet if he managed to sit on the burglar’s face he could suffocate him. Only...how could I get the cat on the burglar’s face? Surely the burglar would throw him off? Unless Max dug his claws into his neck and somehow rendered him unconscious! Yes! He could—

Oops. I needed to pay attention.

“Max,” I whispered. “Is there a robber in our house?”

Max responded by plopping on my feet. He lifted up one leg and started to give himself a bath.

“Now is not the time to bathe,” I hissed.

I mean, really. We might be getting robbed and he decides he wants to have clean fur?

I was on my own. With the bat above my head, I charged down the stairs and came face to face with...

No one?

I flipped on the light, expecting to see someone crouched behind the couch. But no. I was alone.

And then my eyes rested on it.



And then it all computed.

There was no burglar after all. It was the singing flower pot! When it needs water, it starts to sing.

Mom got it for me because I forget to water my plants.

I poured water into the pot so it didn’t startle me again.

“No good comes from plants,” I muttered.

If they weren’t dying on me, they were figuring out some way to freak me out.

It’s official: plants hate me.

57 comments:

  1. LMAO!!! This is hysterical! And plants obviously LOVE you because mine just die. They don't call me for anything :)

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  2. Like you really needed one more thing that talks to you when he wants something!!!!

    Too funny!

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  3. haha! Best. story. ever. I would have thrown that thing away or removed the battery...but then you would have a dead plant lol.
    PS I have an overactive imagination also!

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  4. I would have thrown that thing out too! Plants hate me too, that is why I don't even bother.

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  5. That is so freaking hilarious. And I would need that pot too because I am not the green thumb around my house. They die on me too. Hubby on the other hand, can work magic on plants.

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  6. I am glad you didn't have to beat the plant to death!!
    Your cat sounds about as helpful as mine.

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  7. I'd say, "you're kidding, right?" but after reading about all your plant destruction and your mother's green thumb, I'm a believer.

    I wouldn't have watered the damn thing. I'd have tossed it out in the morning.

    Perfect timing in this story of all things frightening.

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  8. A singing plant? I think a dead plant is better than a heart attack. Beat that sucker to a pulp.

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  9. Oh this is wonderful! If that had been at my house, however, the plant would have been pitched outside in anger. :)

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  10. Oh.my.gosh! That is the weirdest thing i have ever heard of. Well, today anyway. LOL. Glad it was just that and you didn't have to throw the cat at someone.

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  11. bwahaha! I've never heard of a singing flower pot- but I could def use one! Glad it wasn't a burglar!

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  12. i agree... no good comes from plants!!!!
    funny- funny!!!

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  13. LMAO! I soo need one of those pots.

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  14. That's SO funny! And I would have been freaked out by it as well! And I have been on my own for many years!

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  15. Well a bat is a way better defense item then the conch shell I picked up when i thought someone was in the house. I had been plannig to gorge their eyes out. Turns out it was mu husband home from a trip early.

    PS. You've been tagged:
    http://throwingpaintblog.blogspot.com/2010/09/catching-up.html

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  16. Haha... I bet it scared the crap out of you.

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  17. Just what you need...one more thing to freak you out at night while Tom's gone. That's pretty funny though! :)

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  18. Too funny! I'm glad it was just a plant!

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  19. Haha! I had no idea singing flower pots even existed! I'm impressed that you went searching for the burglar. I'm pretty sure I would just hid in my closet. Because I'm a pansy like that.

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  20. Amazing! What will they think of next?

    If I were alone and heard something I would probably send the dog to investigate... although my plan ends there.

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  21. That is hilarious!!!! Never heard of singing plants.. But I would freak out too!

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  22. It looks like Mom got you the right pot, hopefully this plant will survive. Now if she would only get you one that watered itself . . .

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  23. LOL!

    That is all.

    Laughing...

    too

    much.

    LOL!

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  24. i love that! and how irritating, hahaha.

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  25. That's awesome..
    I found my husband in my son's room one night just standing there staring.. I asked him what the crap he was doing and he says "something in here is talking to me".. I laughed and said "oh yeah, what's it saying" and he said "peek-a-boo.. I see you".. I said, "he doesn't have a toy that says that".. It was funny.. We did figure out that apparently he had a toy that said new things every so often.. Needless to say, that toy "lost" it's batteries..

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  26. hahahaaaahhhahahaahaahahahahaaa!!! That was great!

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  27. I always hear bumps in the night. Note to self:
    no.
    singing.
    flower pots.

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  28. Amber, grabbing the baseball bat was really smart. Another really smart thing might be to get rid of that flower pot. I'm just sayin...

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  29. That's very funny! If that happens too many times, I predict that flower-pot's singing days could be over very quickly ...

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  30. that is fabulous! i, too, am incapable of watering plants. killed a cactus when i was in college....yup, you guessed it...i didn't water it enough. i didn't even think that was possible!

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  31. Now that's something I've never seen before! That would freak me out too. Excellent story, you had me hooked.

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  32. I have never seen a pot like that, but wow, the way you write, you had me on the edge of my seat. Scared for your safety because I didn't realize you must be ok if you write the post, And then the end I was almost in tears laughing

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  33. CLASSIC!!! We had the same issue once with a talking teddy bear that reminded me of Chucky. That was all I needed to make me get rid of it!

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  34. On the bright side... it's potty trained...

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  35. Lord have mercy! What a funny invention. That would freak me out too! Wow bat and all. Hey we gave birth what can;t we do? keke funny as always. By the way I gave you an award!

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  36. Ahahhahaha!!! I loved this! So funny! I'm glad it wasn't a burglar!

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  37. Too funny! My man is out of state and took the dog with him. A couple nights ago, LATE, I heard someone ring my doorbell. Scared the shit out of me. So I grabbed the nearest thing and headed to the door. So I'm there holding my weapon - an empty water bottle. Really? OMG. Before I could procede further, it dawned on me to check my cell. From that moment on, I will NEVER have it set to go "ring, ring"

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  38. That settles it...the plant mafia is out to get you

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  39. Oh, that'd freak me out! Though it's a creative idea...they just need to have plants that can water themselves!

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  40. I totally needed a good laugh today! Thanks! I also need a singing plant :) My ALWAYS DIE!!

    Stopping over from SITS! Have a FABULOUS DAY!

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  41. I think I'd have used the bat on the singing plant!

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  42. Oh, you poor thing! I would probably throw that out!

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  43. Oh my gosh! That is just the funniest thing EVER!!

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  44. Hahahahahahaha! That's hilarious.

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  45. A singing flower pot?

    Who thought that winner up?

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  46. as someone who worked in the nursery at Lowes for over 4 yrs...plants are always out to get you!!!

    And, b/c the hubby is away so often, he has me do weekly drills with the .45 & AR-15...making sure I can take the safety off, reload, clear the chamber, and so forth. I told him for valentine's day I want a benelli shot gun :o) (with bird shot...cuz it will hurt like a mother, and most-likely not kill...and won't go through walls) Can you tell I've been through too many TDY/schools/deployments?

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  47. I think I need one of those flower pots. I kill everything!!!

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  48. Bwahahaahahah! That is quite possibly the most hilarious thing ever!

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  49. MOthers! I am sorry but this was too funny. A singing flower pot? Where do they find these things?

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