Friday, November 19, 2010

Do You Have To Go?

“Are you almost done?” I asked Natalie.

She grinned up at me, her legs swinging as she sat on the toilet. “In a minute,” she lied. She wouldn’t be done in a minute. It would be more like ten minutes.

I drummed my fingers on the silver stall door. We were in the Wal-Mart bathrooms, a place that I’d prefer to avoid. But the second we stepped in the store, Natalie had claimed that she had to use the potty. So here we were.

You see, Natalie has become serious about potty training in the past two weeks. She knew how to go before that, don’t get me wrong, but she went when she felt like it. Meaning she probably went in the toilet about once per day. The rest went in her Pull Up. I figured, fine, I wasn’t going to press her even though the experts all suggested keeping her in underwear and just letting her go in them until she understood that she had to use the potty.

I’m sorry, but no. My husband is in Korea, therefore I had no patience to follow her around with a paper towel and Resolve.

So I just waited until the flip was switched, the flip that told her that it was time to use the potty. All the time.

And then it happened.

I made the mistake of telling her that all stores have a bathroom. Natalie made a point of wanting to see all these bathrooms. She had gasped and went, “Wal-Mart has a bathroom?” and I had hesitated before admitting that yes, it did.

Now we have to see the bathrooms wherever we go. We’ve seen Wal-Mart bathrooms, Target bathrooms, commissary bathrooms, Petco bathrooms....

And like I said, she rarely even goes in them. She just walks in, gazes around in awe as though she’s never seen a toilet before in her life, plops down and just SITS.

“Natalie,” I groaned, in the Wal-Mart bathroom. “Are you almost done?”

“Not yet,” she answered.

“Look, five more minutes, and then we’re going,” I said firmly.

Natalie shook her head. “Nope.”

I gritted my teeth. Was this how it would be from now on? And ew, I spotted a brown stain and hoped to God it was mud. How could Natalie find public bathrooms thrilling?

“Okay, all done.” I tried to lift Natalie off the toilet but she gripped the sides.

“I.AM.NOT.DONE!” she screamed. Her voice echoed around the bathroom. I overheard a person mumble, “Someone is mad.”

“Natalie, I just want to get this over with. It stinks in here.”

“It smells nice,” Natalie insisted.

In the end, it took another ten minutes before Natalie reluctantly admitted that she didn’t have to go. (“The pee is not coming now,” she informed me seriously. No crap, Natalie.)

The other day we went to Target. I held my breath as we walked through the doors. Please, don’t let Natalie want to see the bathrooms…

Actually, she didn’t say a word about them and I thought, hooray, maybe her infatuation with public toilets was waning. I headed over to my section where I was admiring some sweaters. I was in the middle of deciding whether or not to get one when Natalie said,

“I have to pee.”

I pretended I didn’t hear her. You have to understand, she LIES when she says that half the time. I didn’t WANT to stand in a stall again. So I just lifted up a sweater and held it against me.

“What do you think?” I asked Natalie.

She frowned. “I have to pee. I HAVE TO PEEEEE!”

An old woman walking by tossed me a mean look as if to say, “Why are you shopping when your precious daughter is informing you that she needs to urinate?”

“She’s lying!” I wanted to shout back. “She’s most likely LYING through her baby teeth, I assure you!”

“Do you really have to pee?” I said to Natalie, putting the sweater back.

Natalie nodded.

So into the dreaded stall we went.

“Five minutes,” I said.

Natalie arranged herself on the toilet, her little arms clasped in her lap. She looked as though she could stay there all day. She probably could, if I let her. Those creepy Yo Gabba Gabba characters should do a show on the germs found in public restrooms.

“Natalie, are you done? I’d like to shop. We’re in Target, the land of awesome-ness.”

Natalie didn’t seem moved. “I’m peeing,” she said seriously.

Only she wasn’t.

“Don’t you want to look at some cool stuff? We’ll even look at the toys,” I bribed.

“After I pee.”

Five minutes later, Natalie was all, “I peed!”

When I peeked in the bowl, I saw nothing. “Are you sure?”

“I PEED!”

“Fine, great, you peed. Whatever gets us out of here,” I agreed, bringing her to the sinks where we’d spend another five minutes since she thinks public sinks are fascinating too.

Tomorrow we have to go to the grocery store.

And I can almost bet we’ll be making a trip to the restrooms.

55 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! Maybe it's a little girl thing! We used to joke, when The Girl was smaller, that she was writing a book featuring public bathrooms of the world. She has literally seen every bathroom in every store or restaurant we have ever been to.

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  2. That is tough. I had the opposite problem, my daughter hates the smell of most public bathrooms and would do any and everything in her power to avoid them. Fortunately she has a bladder of steel.

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  3. I'd imagine this make running errands a bit more time consuming. Little kids get fascinated and stubborn about the darndest things.

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  4. oh man!!!

    i guess though-- we can say at least she is seeming to want TO GO to a toilet.. right??? maybe after a while she'll get tired of spending time in public restrooms.. maybe!!!

    have a wonderful wkend!!!

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  5. ick, i hate public bathrooms and always have. the problem is that i have spread that hate to my kids too. My youngest will not walk out of the bathroom without a fist full of paper towels because i was forever telling him...DONT TOUCH THAT!

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  6. McKenna has been fully potty trained for almost a year now and she STILL wants to see every bathroom. She also likes to say "mommy, why is it stinky in here"? *sigh*

    Also, she has immaculate timing in restaurants. She doesn't need to go until the waiter is literally walking out of the kitchen with a tray of our food. THEN? Then she has to poop. I sit there, wait and wait and wait for a nugget the size of a corn kernel to pop out of her little butt.

    My food is always cold. I'm used to it.

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  7. We went through this exact same phase with my son but it happened during a 23 hour drive from Michigan to Louisiana. We were lucky enough to see some of the most NASTY public restrooms our great country has to offer. Luckily b/c hes a boy he doesnt HAVE to touch anything and I would make him clasp his hands in front of him while I did the toilet seat lifting and flushing. I figured I do a better job washing my hands and not putting them in my mouth. Ugh.

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  8. Time to slip some febreeze into your purse.

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  9. Nooooo! Ew. Oh well. I guess she will get a gooood immune system through this fascination with hiney hiders.

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  10. Too Funny! I really do feel for you.....but I'm laughing my butt off!

    I have a boy (8 yrs) and I never had to do that.

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  11. It must be a girl thing, my 6 year-old is STILL fascinated by public restrooms. It takes forever to go anywhere with her. The only ones she doesn't like are the "magic" ones with the automatic flush, she was traumatized once when it flushed while she was still on it.

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  12. Oh gosh. I'm not looking forward to this. I'm a complete germaphobe about public toilets. I try not to touch anything and a grabby little toddler will put me over the top. I'll be dipping my kid in bleach. LOL!

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  13. OK I am sure this is a bit annoying to the mommies of the world but i think it's ADORABLE!! It's like she wants to be fully potty trained so badly but doesn't know whether she actually has to pee or even if she did. At least she is making an effort to potty train herself, even if that means going into every public restroom in your sity =/

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  14. Both of my girls had to go whenever we were in a store, gas station, restuarant, it didn't matter where. They had to go and they had to go BAD!
    I called them my bathroom inspectors.

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  15. Yes, store bathrooms are bad, gas station ones about the worst. But you should see some of the magical ones in Vegas casinos - Taj Mahals of marble and granite and color - worth visiting.

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  16. Penny is doing the same thing (but at home since I never take my kids anywhere) and I'm buying a kitchen timer. She'll get 2 minutes. That's it. We also have to limit her hour long meals. Some people suggest having your kid sing ABCs twice and if no pee, off the toilet. Damn, disciplining is awful.

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  17. When my youngest daughter was small, she had a thing for public restrooms, too. It was a family joke. We went to the Houston Astrodome once and her grandpa said, "All those bathrooms ought to keep her happy for hours!" Maybe you could take a book with you or something else to do while she sits there. =D

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  18. You never fail me...always good for a giggle! Apparently I did the same thign with bathrooms...I hope you make it throught the grocery store quickly!!

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  19. That girl is the best! However, you need to come up with a story, like that the store employees only allow 3 minutes in the bathroom before the doors suddenly lock.

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  20. This blog post alone is why I will never teach my now 23 month old that public places have bathrooms. I have a seriously public bathroom-phobia. Ugh!

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  21. Mommy, Esq. is right, the timer or "ABC song" is a terrific idea! If she's not done by then, maybe you could just walk out of the bathroom and say you're leaving her, even if you wait outside for her to come out. :)

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  22. sophie had a love of bathroooms for awhile. ugh. I feel your pain. I just started stepping outside(in public or at home) the door so I could "give her privacy" she almost always suddenly finishes whenever I a) sit down or b) get involved in something else. here's hoping natalie gets over the toiler interest soon.

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  23. I am SOOO with you!

    See Aidyn and Nat could have something in common!

    Every store we are in = Aidyn has to pee!

    It gets down right frusterating! We pee before we leave, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE TO PEE BOY!?!?!

    Lucky for me he can pee outside! I've noticed he says he has to pee in the car just so he can get stuff at gas stations.. So now I Just pull over and make him pee outside! Now that its 32 degrees out, he's rethinking his peeing needs! LOL!

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  24. I had a friend who had the exact same situation, I wish I could remember how they got over it.

    I'm thinking it was bribery ;)

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  25. LOL Ugh! I think all parents have been through this at some point. It sucks. Invest in some Glade air freshener and carry it with you at all times!

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  26. I know this is a pain, but it beats having a daughter who HATES public bathrooms with a passion. My daughter used to be terrified of the loud flushes and the hand blowere. Going into one was pretty nerve-racking. I'm so glad those days are gone!

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  27. My oldest was the opposite with public restrooms...she would hold it forever because she hated the loud toilets in the public restrooms

    Oh and I leave my youngest in pull ups too...for the same reason. It will click with her soon enough to go in the potty. Im not going to force it

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  28. Nope! I'm FAR to mean for that. I HATE those bathrooms, and in fact flat refused to take my daughter to the Wal-Mart bathroom when she mentioned it. But, thing is, they are little liars a lot of the time. And nothing, NOTHING is more irritating than dragging your "crew" of kidlets into the bathroom with or without a cart full of stuff and then having them say "just kidding, i don't need to go." So, now, much of the time, when she says she needs to pee, I won't even bother "hearing" her unless she's really crying or her eyes are yellow. Whatever. I do think my sanity is far more important than her pretend pees. But good for you and your kindness in obliging her potty fascination.

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  29. I heard it was National Toilet Day today. She knew.

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  30. without a doubt you will now know what every public toilet in the tri-state area looks (smells) like. They all go through this - it's horrible. But in the end? Yay - a potty trained kid! Eventually she'll get over the fascination and be as grossed out as most of us are with public toilets.

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  31. I'm at a loss as to what to tell you. I can't remember potty training my kids! I guess you just have to "go with the flow" so to speak, and maybe she'll get bored with the whole bathroom fascination thing real soon. I hope so - for your sake!

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  32. Thats hilarious and just a tad scary haha! My nephew has a problem with wetting the bed but he's usually really good about it. Lieutenant was filming the air show and I went to take him into the port-o-potty. I was disgusted and he insisted that he sit down. There were NO Seat covers, so here I am holding a three year old boy about 6 inches above the potty praying that his aim is sharp.

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  33. My son went through a similar fascination with porta potties... it was awful... just awful, but at least he didn't sit...

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  34. Love the omnipresent judgmental stranger. There's always one, isn't there?

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  35. My 4-year-old son is fascinated with public bathrooms. We have to go to the bathroom every place that we go. I hate it! I feel your pain.

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  36. Everyone has a child with the bathroom fascination....our youngest did this to us!! Saw everyone...I can relate! Ugh!! I used to feel like I needed to get a shower when I got home!

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  37. Just explain to her that grocery stores don't have toilets because it would be very unhygenic for people to be using the washroom then roaming through the aisles handling food. Explain that Hep.A is spread through the fecal/oral route, as well, so peeing in public grocery store washrooms could be potentially harzardous to her health.
    You're welcome. :)

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  38. ohhhh mine do that too!! drives me nuts! i am so not looking forward to potty training little miss presley... shoot me now.

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  39. Y I'm in no hurry to do potty training.

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  40. My mother got my youngest brother over the public toilet fascination by dragging him into every public bathroom in EVERY store she visited. It was the first stop upon entering a store. Once it became a "chore" for him, he lost interest. I think it took a week (at the time the middle brother was having meltdowns in stores so Mom was also enforcing the "for every store we have to leave because you aren't behaving, we're going to 2 more" rule). I don't remember whether Mom got ANY shopping done that week, but I remember getting a lollipop as we left every store for my good behavior. I remember getting more lollipops that week than I did trick-or-treating. :)

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  41. I remember with my older daughter that we had to wait until that "flip" happened. And one day it did and she never looked back, used the toilet all the time.

    What amazes me is the size of that bladder of hers. She can go FOREVER without peeing! Even first thing in the morning, if we don't force her to sit and go she'll like hold it or something. I don't get it, I always have to RUN to the bathroom first thing int he morning!

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  42. I do not envy you! I've been through this stage... well, not ME. It certainly does suck!
    Terrific post!

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  43. I can relate to this! Everywhere we went my boys would head straight to the bathroom - together! After they got a bit older I let them go to the men's bathroom as long as they stuck together (believe me the three of them would have been no match for any paedophile!). But it left me outside the door yelling at them to hurry up - not a good look!

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  44. It smells nice?! I'd rather risk peeing my pants on the bus than use public toilets. They're definitely emergency only.

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  45. That girl is spunky! I loathe public restrooms. Like flush with my feet loathe. Fortunately my girls had the same feelings, and my boys don't seem to be facinated with public restrooms.

    I'm really not looking forward to potty training my middlest son. Dragging a car seat, 3 year old and 2 year old into a germ factory isn't my idea of a good time. But then again, we try to stay home A.LOT nowadays.

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  46. Yeah, I always tell moms that life before toilet training is a lot easier in so many ways... Natalie is just doing what (I think) every kid does... But it's not fun for the mom.

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  47. lol
    when you have a child that age, you know where the bathrooms are everywhere you go.
    I wouldn't want her to touch a think in a walmart bathroom. lol

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  48. That always tried my patience too. And why is it they can't smell how bad those places are?

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  49. That is hilarious! My daughter always times it out so that she has to go right after I check out from one of those stores, have a cart full of stuff, a ten month old and the 2.5 year old to try and get into a stall. The scene is most amusing to other in the restroom I am sure.

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  50. My brother was like that too. And I hate to tell you this but it lasted YEARS. I'm hoping your experience is short lived!

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  51. Oh good Heavens. Boys are easier, right? Except when they go into a boy's restroom and see a fully grown man using the "baby" urinal and loudly call him out - "HEY, THAT'S MY POTTY!".

    Oh, that doesn't happen to you? :)

    Thanks for the laughs!

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  52. This is hysterical! T used to do this, too. Once she figured out that everywhere HAD bathrooms, she was all about using every.single.one. BUT that was GOOD. Because she's just figured out that she can hold it. So by the time she starts squirming, it's nearly too late to get her to one. . . *sigh*

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  53. When she said "it smells nice"...I just about died laughing (so loud that the babies smiled and started laughing too!). Good luck!

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  54. Oh man! I laughed so hard at this post. Hits too close to home, man! What is it with potty training little girls?! And I have one more to go! Ugh!

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  55. Natalie's fascination with public restrooms is both hysterical and horrifying. You should let my brother have a little talk with her. She'll never want to use a public restroom again. I used to have to HOLD my niece and nephew at least 6 inches ABOVE the toilet because they'd yell, "DON'T LET MY BUTT TOUCH THE SEAT," like it was a bomb. But then again, I don't blame them.

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