Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Hi. I'm Amber. I Spill Stuff.

I knew I should stop.

But I just couldn’t.

They were just so good.

“Geez, Mommy, you’re a pig,” Tommy observed, breaking my euphoria.

A pig? Excuse me? I most certainly wasn’t a…I mean, okay, so I inhaled 3 Texas Roadhouse rolls at lightening speed. But that’s only because they taste the best warm.

“It’s not nice to call people pigs,” I reminded Tommy as I slathered the delicious cinnamon honey butter on my roll.

“I know but…you ate all the rolls. I only got one,” Tommy pouted.

“We’ll get more,” I promised. At that moment, the waitress came over. She was terribly skinny and made me think that she’s never had a carb a day in her life.

“We need more rolls because my Mom ate them all,” Tommy said accusingly.

I wanted to disappear. The waitress smiled politely at me.

“The rolls are fabulous,” I offered weakly. She probably didn’t know. She looked like she wore a 00 size. I always get the ultra skinny waitresses serving me. It’s like Jillian Michaels is watching me and sending out waifs to remind me of what I could look like if I didn’t eat so much junk. Sorry Jillian Michaels. If I didn’t have my fatty foods, I’d be horribly cranky.

“I’ll bring more rolls,” the waitress assured us. “What can I get you to drink?”

I ordered a sweet tea. After she left to get our drinks, Natalie smiled up at me.

“Mommy,” she said. “You look like Toodee.”

Aww, wasn’t that sweet. She thought I looked like Toodee from Yo Gabba Gabba. Only…wait, Toodee was blue. With fangs.



“Natalie,” I said. “When you said I looked like Toodee, what exactly did you mean by that?”

Natalie was already focused on something else. She was busy coloring on her Texas Roadhouse kids menu.

“Natalie?” I tried again. Oh, what was the use? Trying to get three-year-olds to explain themselves is like hoping the Kardashians will go away: it’s just not gonna happen. So fine, my daughter thought I looked like a blue rabid looking creature and my son thought I was a pig. Neat.

The waitress brought more rolls and our drinks. She took our food orders and then left. Tommy quickly swiped a roll—what, did he think I’d grab them all and stuff them in my mouth? Probably.

I took a few gulps of sweet tea. Ahh, that’s the stuff. Then I reached for another roll.

And then I proceeded to knock my sweet tea over. The liquid spilled over the table and dripped onto the floor.

“The rolls!” Tommy yelled, picking them up.

If I hadn’t been so embarrassed, I’d have been proud.

Sometimes I feel like I spill stuff more than the kids. I am such a klutz. I feel I invented the whole walking into the glass door thing that’s done so often in movies. Some big shot movie producer probably witnessed me doing that and was like, “Sweet. Great comical moment.”

I started cleaning up my mess while Tommy just chewed on his rolls and Natalie continued to color even though most of her paper was now wet.

“It’s okay, keep doing what you are doing,” I said sarcastically. “I can handle this. It’s not like I don’t clean up your messes daily.”

“Everything okay?” our waitress asks. She saw the spilled drink. “Oh, oops. I’ll be back with some paper towels.”

I managed to clean up my mess and the waitress got me a fresh sweet tea.

“Don’t spill that one,” Tommy said.

Oh, har-de-har-har.

48 comments:

  1. Oh my God - that was the best Wednesday morning laugh. I needed that, although I feel bad it was at your expense.

    Don't worry - we all have those days. And seriously - who can say no to cinnamon honey butter?

    If it makes you feel any better - while my Mom was visiting me in Florida many years ago. there was a sonic boom when a rocket entered back into the atmosphere near us. I ran to my Mom thinking she had fallen in the bathtub or something. Like a simple fall would give the sound of a sonic boom. She has had the nickname 'Large Marge' ever since. She was not amused. But at least we laugh about it now.

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  2. i'm so sorry. nothing like wasting a good sweet tea.

    and toodee is pretty and has super long eyelashes.

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  3. Awww kids and their brutal honesty. Painful at times? Yes. Funn...YES! And really, it is totally worth it if you're downing those rolls, those delicious, DELICIOUS rolls.

    Glad you all survived in one piece. Soggy paper, wet floor and saved rolls in all.

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  4. Aww! Maybe Natalie meant that as a compliment. If she likes the thing, maybe she's projecting her love on you! (I really have no idea, just trying to give some perspective!) :)

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  5. Ha ha. I'm a total klutz too. I was hoping that it would go away once I had kids, but it looks like it won't.

    Good thing Tommy saved the rolls! :-)

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  6. No one can say no to Texas Roadhouse rolls and butter. I used to work there I know how it is. I still go and consume them in mass amounts. It just has to be done.

    And I love that Natalie thinks you look like Toodee, I really to want to know how she came up with that one!

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  7. Oh, my. I have been there with my daughter.

    She is the first to point out if I stay in my pj's to long or if I eat something fast.

    I can't wait until she's a mom so she has to scarf her food.

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  8. Mmmmmm cinnamon rolls! Kids are not the most forgiving creatures are they?

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  9. Those rolls are amaaaaazing. I have been known to stuff my purse with them.

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  10. I am not so much for spilling things on tables as spilling them on myself. Like a moth to a flame is food items to my clothes. I am worse than my kids for not being able to wear an article of clothing more than once because it is filthy. Glad I am not the only klutzy mama!

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  11. I am the klutz in my family. People actually argue about who will have to sit next to me. I feel your pain.

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  12. I have broken my nose twice walking through and into glass doors. Good times, good times.

    I want TX Roadhouse now. I'm seriously trying to lose weight. I don't think those two things go together at this point in my life.

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  13. Ooo, I so miss those rolls. I haven't been to a Texas Road House since I was at WVU!

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  14. I suddenly have a craving for rolls and cinnamon butter! Mmmmm...

    I had the problem with the glass door too. Just quit washing them then you can see them! LOL

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  15. Hahaha, so you're blue, round and have fangs. Excellent! And if you spill stuff, well. You're clearly related to me. Also you're freaking me out a bit since I just mentioned the Kardashians and my express wish that they'd "vacate the premises" shall we say.

    Also, now I want sweet tea. Thanks so much.

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  16. Bwa Ha! I'm a klutz too. I ran into the bathroom door just this morning.

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  17. Aw, you and those rolls! I'll have you know that I would have never eaten there if you hadn't made them sound so awesome in a past post. They really are the best rolls ever. I eat them at lightening speed too.

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  18. Kids are so embarrassing. Reminds me of when I took my 6 year old daughter with me to the doctor one day. 'Mummy's grown out of her diet,' she announced to the doctor. Thanks, child.

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  19. Bella would have been all pissy if I got her menu/activity sheet all wet!!! I've never been to this restaurant before, so I haven't had the rolls. But I've heard about them!

    Seriously, they're just rolls....how fabulous can they be?

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  20. So Toodee is cute... that counts for something, right?

    I would never dare ask my son what cartoon character he thinks I look like... just not gonna do that number on my fragile self esteem ;)

    I spill things too! Except I usually injure myself in the process somehow too! Sorry... especially about Waitress Waif...

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  21. Whenever I'm around anything spillable I have to concentrate really hard not to spill it - so I do know what you mean! The rolls sound delicious.

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  22. I don't have kids so this is the first I've heard of or seen a picture of Toodee. You didn't go and dye your hair blue on us, now did you?

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  23. I don't have kids so this is the first I've heard of or seen a picture of Toodee. You didn't go and dye your hair blue on us, now did you?

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  24. Natalie's comparison of you to the blue thing (Toodee?) made me laugh - because it reminded me of the time I informed my mother that she looked like Olive Oyl from Popeye. She was not amused.

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  25. Cinnamon honey butter? I've never tried it but by the sounds of it I would've had a meal of just rolls and that butter.

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  26. My hubby is more of a klutz than the kids. And I, too, have been called a pig by my kids. Thanks for the laugh today. (And I hope the rest of the day went better!!)

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  27. Skinny waitresses somehow just make me want to eat more. Kids calling me on how much I eat however....

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  28. "The rolls!" He knows his priorities, your Tommy.

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  29. You know what? I love their rolls EXCEPT for that sweet butter. Sorry!

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  30. Hey, I spilled my wine at one of the poshest restaurants in Minneapolis. It was awesome, and I had no kids to blame!

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  31. I think I am missing something important living where in the Northeast because I've never heard of a Texas roadhouse roll. Tell me what am I missing out on?!?

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  32. Great! Now a read a roll and come honey cinnamon butter.

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  33. Ordering a second basket of those rolls is a must. They are so amazing!

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  34. Lay off the rolls Amber. Tom will be home and you'll be twice the woman you were when he left.

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  35. Cinnamon honey butter? The North Americans really know how to do food. I just ogled the food at the supermarket when I was in Vancouver last October. I couldn't possibly eat it all, but I tried.

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  36. Kids are nothing if not honest er blunt. ;) Kudos on you for taking them out to eat!

    Thanks for stopping by my site!

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  37. I once had a huge spill when I was having lunch with a friend and our kids. I thought my daughter was going to knock over her glass, so as I rushed in to keep her cup from spilling over, I knocked over my friend's soda! Ooops!

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  38. Hahaha! I have the same problem, both with the rolls and the spilling of stuff. Don't feel bad. . . and I don't think you look ONE bit like Toodee. . . but better to look like her than Foofa, I suppose!

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  39. LOL!!!

    Yes those rolls (and the butter)are AWESOME!

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  40. I love that you are still like a kid. A bigger kid, that's all.

    I am a total klutz, too. One time I was when I was in an Ulta store I paid for my purchases, turned around and walked straight into their glass window. WTF? It looked like an automatic door. Nope. And I was walking fast. It totally dazed me. Now I see that Ulta has big signs and shades hanging where there isn't doors. I wonder if it's because of ME?

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  41. Mmmmmm. Texas Roadhouse rolls. I fully support inhaling the rolls as opposed to chewing them delicately and slowly. Not gunna happen. And the butter. Oooo yes.

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  42. Those rolls sound very very good. They are missing in my life. I'm a klutz too, but I don't knock over drinks; I bang my head into sharp and hard things. Can't count number of times I've bent to snap kid into carseat and smacked my head on the way down. 100?

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  43. Oh, your son cracks me up... ;)

    Join the club! I'm so clumsy that both my husband and my sister have made me promise to stop running because they're afraid I might fall and break something! And I can't tell you the number of shirts I've thrown away due to spilling and staining!

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  44. Soooo something my kids would say. Little smart asses! LOL.
    If it makes you feel better, I spill my drinks all the time too. Oooohhh & love me some Roadhouse. Funny how you call it Texas Roadhouse though, here it is just Roadhouse. Damn it, now I NEED some of those rools & honey butter. YUUUM!!!

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