Wednesday, March 2, 2011

But Our Sleep!

I wasn’t sure if I was even going to keep Tommy at first.

I was only 19 when I found out I was pregnant with him. I was an only child, had never babysat children growing up because honestly, children bugged me. Oh, sure, they were cute to look at....until they opened their mouths. Plus, I was in college, in a college DORM, no less...how could I take care of a baby?

Tom was in basic training, beginning his career in the Air Force. I felt he needed to focus on his career, not a baby. I mean, we had planned on getting married all along. I was just going to finish college first.

I told Tom I was pregnant when I went to see him at his basic training graduation. He wasn’t upset and reminded me that we were going to get married anyhow, so what was the big deal if it was sooner than expected?

“The big deal is I don’t like babies!” I admitted. “They’re loud, they stink, and oh my God, I like my sleep. It’s why I signed up for college classes in the afternoon.”

I brought up the adoption suggestion to Tom, and at first he said he’d support whatever I decided. But then he changed his mind. “It’s my baby, we can support the baby since I’ll have a steady job, it seems silly to give him or her up.”

“But our sleep!” I wailed.

In the end, obviously, we decided to keep Tommy. I informed my college that I would not be returning the following semester. It was bittersweet. I knew I was giving up my freedom, that I’d never get to experience going out and getting drunk in my early twenties but after I felt Tommy kick? I didn’t care.

We moved into a home together in December, at Tom’s first base in Nebraska.

“I don’t know how to put cribs together!” I panicked again. I panicked a lot. I worried that I’d ruin Tommy’s life being so inexperienced. Tom didn’t know a lot about babies either. He had an older sister and that was it. Basically, I felt that Tommy was screwed.

“I can put the crib together,” Tom assured me, and he did.

“But our sleep!”

“It will be disturbed,” Tom admitted.

“Maybe we can train the baby to only wake up once during the night,” said my naïve nineteen-year-old self.

The labor pains started early on March 1st. I was two days overdue and was annoyed when the pains interrupted my sleep.

“Not now. I’m sleeping,” I think I told my gigantic stomach.

The pains got worse. Tom was at work and I had to call him home. I remember he said something like, “Are you sure it’s time?”

I probably swore at him and said, “It f*cking hurts, I’m pretty sure it’s time.” I covered my stomach as though I were covering Tommy’s ears. “Sorry. Don’t repeat that, baby. Your mother has a foul mouth. I’ll work on it.”

At the hospital it was discovered I was pretty far along. 5 centimeters, I think.

“Can I have the epidural thingy?” I asked. I wasn’t even going to attempt to be a hero and go without pain meds. (And the funny thing was, I had just learned what an epidural was two weeks earlier. I wasn’t kidding when I said I knew NOTHING about babies.)

I had to wait an hour for an epidural and Tom did not help. He would look at the monitor and go, “Wow, look how high that number went, I bet that was a painful contraction, huh?” I wanted to slap him. But he was also a naïve nineteen-year-old so he didn’t know any better.

“Will you still love me?” I asked Tom, when I got my epidural and was much happier. “If my vagina gets all messed up?”

Tom nearly fell out of his chair. “What kind of question is that?”

“I read that it can mess you up. Down there. Will you still love me?”

“Yes. Of course.”

When it came time to push, I was scared. I mean, this was it. No turning back. I pushed for a bit and then I heard the first cry.

Tommy. Born at a little after midnight on March 2nd, 2002.

It would have been an incredibly joyous moment, but then Tom had to lean down and go, “You totally pooped when you were pushing him out.”

Like I said. We were nineteen.

After Tommy was cleaned (he had peed all over the nurse moments before and this had struck me as hilarious—until I got peed on) he was handed over to me. I was hesitant, because he was the first baby I ever held. He just seemed so small and breakable.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admitted to the nurse.

“Most first time parents don’t,” she assured me and placed the bundle in my arms.

I stared down at Tommy.

He stared up at me.

And then I knew.

He was the best decision I ever made.



Happy Birthday, Tommy.

67 comments:

  1. Totally brought tears to my eyes! I can relate to a lot of your story. It's amazing the gifts we are given when we aren't asking. Best.Decision.Ever. Happy Birthday to your little...er, big boy.

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  2. you can totally see how blonde he was even then!! What a cutie!!!

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  3. Awww. What a great story. Happy birthday Tommy!

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  4. Good choice, Mom.

    He's a keeper.

    Happy Birthday, Little T!

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  5. Excellent choice!!! Isn't it amazing how that first look at that little person can make you feel?

    Gotta go get a tissue now...

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  6. SUCH a great story!! (And my husband is in his forties and mentioned the poop thing when I had our son a year ago, so some guys just never grow up!) :)

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  7. Happy Birthday, Tommy!

    Sweet, sweet story. I was tearing up...

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  8. What a beautifully REAL post. Happy birthday to your son.

    They change our lives without even trying, don't they?

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  9. What an incredibly sweet and moving post...and you probably still don't have your sleep quite back yet. Lol

    Happy birthday sweet Tommy

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  10. How sweet! Happy Birthday, Tommy!
    I felt the same way with my first. I was an only child and was never around children. It was hard at first but natural "mommyness" just kicked in!

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  11. Happy Birthday Tommy!

    In my situation Skye was conceived not long after a rape. Way too close actually. *Shrugs* I needed to feel loved, and didn't want my rape to taint what should be a wonderful experience with another human being. So I jumped that bandwagon.

    Thing is like I said way too close, there were days of wondering...Then my health came into play (90lbs. when I conceived and a few other issues) and they told me the baby might be a threat to my life in the end.

    What can you say to that? Who would keep a child that endangered their health and might of been the product of a rape? *Holds up hand*
    She turned out pretty perfect. Skye was my one and last chance to have a kid(I wouldn't ever be able to get pregnant again). I never did have a DNA test done on her. In the end I didn't care. She was mine. (Hugs)Indigo

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  12. Happy Birthday Tommy! (Now I need to go find some tissues and blown my nose and wipe my eyes.)

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  13. Happy Birthday Tommy. Our children change us forever, don't they?

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  14. Beautiful story, Amber. Congratulations to your 19-year-old selves. And Happy Birthday, Tommy.

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  15. oh man! You totally made me cry! What a sweet post! Happy Birthday to your Tommy! :)

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  16. That story totally made me tear up and laugh at the same time.

    Happy Birthday Tommy!

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  17. That was really so sweet! I was 38 when I had my first and let me tell you - I was just as scared! Happy Birthday Tommy!

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  18. Great story- thanks for sharing! My mom got pregnant with me in college... it makes me feel so loved knowing that she chose to keep me despite the obstacles she faced.

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  19. Wow...what an amazing birth story. Happy Birthday to an amazing little boy!

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  20. Happy Birthday to Tommy. And you!

    I always think Birthdays should celebrate the Mom who went through all that!

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  21. Happy Birthday Tommy! (did you really?)

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  22. I love this birth story. Told as only you can tell it.

    I hope Tommy has a great birthday.

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  23. Happy Birthday Tommy!
    Happy Became a Mom Day, Amber!

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  24. Sweet story! Happy Birthday Tommy!

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  25. hahaha, you totally pooped! I love it.

    Also, Happy Birthday Tommy!!

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  26. Happy birthday Tommy! Your mom is hilarious.

    Years ago, when we were young thangs, my friend got pregnant unexpectedly and she told me after the birth that she was MORTIFIED because she also pooped while pushing. No one had batted an eyelid, apparently it happens all the time. As though it's not embarrassing enough worrying about having all sorts of people peering up your business end, now everyone has to worry that they might poop everywhere as well. This is another reason people need to stop FILMING births. No one needs to see that. :)

    But well done YOU.

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  27. Loved the story! Happy birthday Tommy!

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  28. SO beautiful, I'm tearing up here in the middle of a coffee shop while I read this!! Happy Birthday Tommy. Thank you for sharing your story!!

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  29. Happy Birthday, Tommy!
    Happy Birth Day, Amber!

    I swear I think Mom's should get presents on their kidlet's bdays too! Ha! How can we enact that? Hmmmm....

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  30. What an awesome birth story. You made it sweet,funny,inspirational, emotional...oh, just all sorts of things! You are such a gifted writer.

    Happy Birthday, Tommy! :)

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  31. Happy Birthday Tommy!! Love the birth story....I was clueless too still am and she is 16!

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  32. What a great story! And my husband said the poop thing to me too--and he was 36 at the time. Men are idiots.
    Oh, and about the going out and getting drunk in your early 20's. You didn't miss a damn thing!

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  33. what a sweet story. thank you for sharing your 19 yr old self. and happy birthday Tommy

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  34. I love your honesty. Happy birthday to your boy!

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  35. Awwwwww! Oh my gosh, that's so sweet!

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  36. What a beautiful story! (Hope your vagina survived the experience intact!)

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  37. Awww, that is awesome! So many similarities with your story and mine. My oldest is also 8 and I had him when I was 20 and my husband and I were also military/military wife. :) He was born in October of 2002. :) Love your blog! I am your newest follower!

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  38. Great story!

    I got pregnant twice, on purpose both times, but really didn't want the second one.

    I guess I like her now.

    ;)

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  39. That is so sweet. I'm not talking from experience as I have no children, but from what I've heard most mothers feel similar to you when they bring their first child home.

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  40. Ah! That is the sweetest thing I've ever read. I love this and yes, Happy Birthday Darling Tommy!

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  41. Happy, happy birthday to Tommy! What a beautiful story, Amber. I remember being so very scared of that little bundle I brought home from the hospital - and I was 26! He and Natalie are very lucky to have such wonderful parents.

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  42. So glad you shared this story. Kids with young parents should feel lucky - the household is more fun that way! I loved that my parents danced around the house to rock and roll when I was a toddler.

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  43. So glad you posted this. I think kids with young parents should feel lucky - the household is so much more fun. I loved that my parents danced around to rock and roll in the house when I was growing up...it made life fun.

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  44. Happy Birthday Tommy!

    This was so sweet- congrats on becoming a great mom at a young age (coming from one that became a mom a few months after turning 20 :))

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  45. Oh, Happy Birthday Tommy!!

    I loved this post, your honesty, your feelings, the whole thing. Brought me back to when I was 19 and pregnant with my first child.

    In two months she will be turning 22 and graduating college with honors! I think having her and taking care of her (I was a single Mom - no dad in the picture) was the best decision I ever made.

    :)

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  46. I adore this post.

    Happy birthday Tommy!

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  47. So sweet! I started reading you on OD not too terribly long after that!

    Happy birthday, Tommy!

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  48. Happy birthday! He's a lucky boy. I was 27 and I still had no idea what I was doing.

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  49. my husband still reminds me that i pooped on the table- i wish i had pooped on him.
    you are so brave to post such an intimate, honest post. i commend you for it.

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  50. I can relate to a lot of your story too, my first was born under VERY similar circumstances, and even now I look back and my lack of knowledge about babies at the time was amazing. Our daughter was the first baby my husbad EVER held. But yeah, it turned out to be the best decision I ever made :) Happy birthday to your big boy! Your post was really sweet and it made me all misty-eyed!

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  51. I love how you tell it like it is! Great story! Happy Birthday Tommy!

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  52. What a GREAT story and way to say Happy Birthday to your Tommy.

    Clearly you've figured it all out, and you're doing a great job being his Mom.

    I'm so fascinated by your story because I've never known life WITHOUT babies and little kids. Grew up with 7 in my family and I'm Mormon..hello. Kids everywhere, all the time.

    Kudos to you for being the woman/Mom that you are.

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  53. First time here...Liked your story. It is instant isnt it?

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  54. Being a young mom is SO hard! But it's totally worth it! Your story brought tears to my eyes. How lucky to have Tom supporting you!

    Happy Birthday Tommy!

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  55. this story was really sweet!!! I enjoyed it lots! Happy Birthday to your cute son!

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  56. Happy Birthday to Tommy! Hope he had a wonderful day. BTW- when I have my first baby in September, my husband already said he is going to laugh hysterically and announce it to everyone if I poop. Husbands are so great ;)

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  57. I love that you don't sugar coat it...and yet, it's so sweet and you can really see your family dynamic.

    Happy birthday to your sweet Tommy (better late than never)!

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  58. Oooh, that is a tough, but sweet, story. He's definitely a keeper. And you're a great mom!

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