Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Mary Kay Makeover

Guess which one is a lie.

I’ve been known to have Little Debbie snacks for breakfast

I’m a makeup expert

I hate word verification with a passion

I cry during The Neverending Story. The poor horse!


If you guessed that the makeup expert one was a lie, you are correct.

I went to a Mary Kay party over the weekend. I’m not really a huge fan of those parties where people try to sell me stuff and try to get me to become a consultant. That’s never going to happen. It’s just not for me. I can’t get excited over mascara. I just can’t.

I went because my friend Amanda needed more people. And because her husband offered to watch my kids. Look, I’ll sit through anything if it means I get kid free time. I’ll even sit in a math class, and I detest math. I’d probably be sitting there with a wide smile on my face and would nudge my neighbor while saying, “Isn’t this great?” She’d answer, “Is what great? Math? No, it’s shit,” and I’d say, “No. Being in a room without children!” And then she’d scoot far away from me.

Still. I don’t get a lot of kid free time since Tom has been gone. He’s been gone for seven months so I’m desperate for it. Yes, I do get a couple hours in the morning alone since Tommy is in school and Natalie is in preschool…but it seems like the time is over before I know it.

Anyway, the Mary Kay party was…interesting. I had to fill out a paper about my skin and my face shape. I was asked what I used to moisturize and honestly, sometimes I forget to put cream on my face at night. This means my skin is going to look leathery and droopy when I’m older but some nights I can’t be bothered. I had no clue what my face shape was. I was tempted to write, “Face-like?” but wasn’t sure if the host of the party would get my humor. Probably not. (And I was also asked to explain my lip shape. I wanted to write, “Not like Angelina Jolie’s, unfortunately.)

We were told to try the samples she had put out in front of us. And they were nice, yes, but I found them overpriced. At one point I was asked to put on eyeliner and mascara and here’s the thing: I had a bad experience with those items. I almost poked my eye out with the mascara and I haven’t used it since. Same with the eyeliner. I felt like my eyeballs were more important than looking good.

So I explained this to the hostess, and she kept trying to explain it to me and I kept looking at her as though she just farted.

“You hold the mirror DOWN when you are doing your top lashes,” she instructed slowly because she could see she was dealing with a Person Who Knew NOTHING About Makeup.

My eyes kept having flashbacks on nearly being poked out so I couldn’t do it right. I ended up looking like a drunken raccoon even though the hostess was like, “You look great!”

Man, I need to get rich so I can afford a makeup artist.

We had to play a few games, which I hate. I pulled some Matchbox cars from a box and was asked what they symbolized about Mary Kay.

The only thing that came to mind was the fact that they hurt like a bitch when stepped on barefoot. But that wasn’t what the hostess wanted to hear. I said something like, “It means you don’t have to drive all over?” and she launched into the real meaning which was that you could get a Mary Kay car if you sold enough.

A car is nice, but still, no thanks. I don’t want to sell stuff.

I did buy some blush, because I liked how it looked on my cheeks. The hostess helped me put it on so I bet now when I try to do it myself, I’ll look like a clown.

I really need to get a makeup artist.

Help.

50 comments:

  1. LOL! Math and make-up - two things that don't seem to like me very much either :D

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  2. I don't like makeup either. I've tried eyeliner and mascara and neither are my friends.

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  3. I have been really enjoying your blog. Much needed laughter. :)

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  4. I hate MaryKay parties- too much pressure! But I do love me some makeup :) And I get you on the child free time- I'd pretty much do anything for it!

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  5. Ouch - Child-free time for Mary Kay party, doesn't seem like a fair deal to me. Just saying. That sounds like torture...and I would do just about anything for kid free time!

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  6. love it! I was a Lancome makeup artist.. yep the one at the mall, and I really hated Sunday afternoon when the old ladies came in after eating lunch at the cafeteria with onion breath wanting me to put lipstick on them. Never again I tell ya, I did it for five years.

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  7. kid free time is worth the poke in the eye.

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  8. :D I too am not a makeup expert. In fact I know NOTHING about makeup. All I use is face creme and lip balm. Thats it. Sometimes I too wish my 'husband' would get rich so that I can have a makeup artist...

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  9. Well, the good news here is, you look totally good with no makeup. SO UNFAIR! I'm fascinated by someone not knowing anything about makeup. I've been in full face paint since I was 12 and would die without it.

    Funny story....I HATE Mary Kay parties too. DESPISE them really. But, my sis in law sells it. Oh, and I hate math too. I'm math illiterate for sure.

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  10. hahahaha!
    i am SO there with miss rosie's comment up there... i was a makeup artist for a while for lancome and it never failed a group of red hat society ladies would come in wanting a makeover... sheeeeeeeesh! and they were soooooooo loud!!!!

    you know me.. i love makeup.. promise though, i would make sure you had fun if we played with makeup.. oh yea, and i would SO give you neon blue eyeshadow too... lol.. just kidding!!

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  11. Love makeup, HATE MK!!! With a passion!!!!!!

    Do you guys get free monthly child care on post when your husband is deployed?? I seem to remember getting like 10 hours free a month or something like that. You should check into it!!! I used mine to get mani/pedi's!!

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  12. Haha - I'm not a fan of those parties either. There's way too much cheesiness. The worst is going to a make up person in a department store, they'll plaster you in products that don't even suit you and then tell you they cost $100. I just stick to a few simple tried and true products I know I like.

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  13. I don't like going to the home parties where they try to get you to have a party too (don't you want to help your friend earn more stuff?)

    Its been 7 months already?!!? That's great! I know its been hard and a long time but you're halfway there!

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  14. I don't wear make-up. If I'm going to a wedding or someplace I know they're going to be taking pictures, I usually put on some bronzer and clear mascara. Neither are noticable but the bronzer at least covers up some of the unseemlys.

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  15. I wish we would do away with that stuff permanently! Seriously, how do you get the natural look by applying four layers of makeup?

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  16. I've been to a few and hosted a few parties myself, especially right before I got married. I like it well enough, but hardly ever wear it. And I ALWAYS forget to moisterize at night. I'm way to tired to remember to do that.

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  17. I don't know crap about makeup - I am so pale that when I try to use it I look like a botched job at the mortuary.

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  18. i don't like home parties either. i do not do well with pressure and buy too much stuff.

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  19. In my teens and 20s I hardly wore anything most of the time. Maybe some mascara is I was dressing up. At 30 I started working in a corporate office and had to give presentations to important people, so I had to learn how to paint myself up without looking like a hooker. Cause these important people were not Charlie Sheen.

    Now that I'm forty, I never leave the house without "my face on". I have turned into my mother. Without the blue eyeshadow.

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  20. I'm not a big fan of Mary Kay personally, but to each their own. I like Avon!! They have good products and the price is fair, sometimes pretty cheap.
    I wish I was the woman who looked fabulous without makeup. Lucky you!!

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  21. Hahahaha, I sold Mary Kay for a little while, and honestly while the makeup is great, the sales process is annoying. I am not a salesperson by nature, so I was a terrible Mary Kay Lady. I wouldn't have gone near you if I thought you didn't like makeup, I mean, why bother? You can do whatever you want, right? Lol. Anyways, sorry you had a bad experience. Their products really are pretty great, most of them.

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  22. Most women look better without makeup. Just don't bother, especially if Tom is happy with you the way you are. If he isn't then make him pay for the artist.

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  23. I hate those parties too. I always feel like I am tricked into buying something.

    I rarely wear make-up so lately I've just not been going when invited to stuff like that.

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  24. I sell Avon but I don't go all recruiter on you when I try to sell anything. I figure if you like make-up you'll order from me if you don't I won't try to convert the unbelievers. LOL I hate when people try to sell me stuff too even though I sell Avon. I have never had an Avon party. LOL

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  25. Math class sounds so nice...I did get ten minutes in the car kid free. SCORE.

    Oh and I hardly ever wear makeup, even less than before, since my daughter wants me to apply it to her. It's just easier to not get it out.

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  26. Oh, I hate Mary Kay parties. They are the worst! And I dont like their make up at all. Which is weird cause I adore make up!!

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  27. LMAO! I buy all my makeup at CVS.

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  28. Those parties are the worst....but worth the price of free childcare. I'm always like what's the cheapest thing I can buy without looking too cheap...hum. I know, I'm lame. ;)

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  29. "I kept looking at her as though she just farted."

    snerk. BWA HA HA HA HA!! I know exactly what look you mean.

    I feel the same way about make up, and especially Mary Kay. I've sat through so many of those demonstrations, cuz my Mom used to be a huge Mary Kay fan.

    My mother has had to accept the fact that I don't, and won't wear makeup at all.

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  30. I'm completely clueless about makeup. I didn't even know I was supposed to be moisturizing before bed!!

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  31. I agree with all of the above!

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  32. You are braver than I! Last "makeover" included blue eye shadow and orange cheeks - I literally washed it off in the Macy's restroom and went face-nekkid for the rest of the day.

    I hate being pressured to buy or host - but I'm glad you got your grown-up time!

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  33. Just ask your kids to do it for you - a picture of THAT make up job would make for a very funny laugh.

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  34. Agreed! I hate going to the "parties" where they sell stuff... somehow it doesn't seem like a party. I am not a fan on MK make-up, but I do like some of their skin care products. Make-up seems to be one of the few girly things I am kind of ok at... I have yet to master walking in heels without looking like I'm about to fall though:)

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  35. Totally with you on everything but the breakfast pastry brand - only because I don't think we had Little Debbie in Canada...!

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  36. Oops - that was me - wrong google account.

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  37. I'm 43 and still can't put on mascara without making a mess..

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  38. Lol, I am with whoever said they have been in full face paint since they were 12... that is me for sure! And yeah, I would do just about anything for a few child free hours too!

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  39. I've tried selling Mary Kay twice, 10 years apart. If you're good at selling, you can make a killing.

    Unfortunately, I wasn't good at selling!

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  40. I'm guessing Mary Kay is a bit like our Avon parties (which I hate with a vengence). In my working days Ann Summer parties were all the range - they sell vibrators and other such fun toys. They were female only affairs with buckets of wine flowing.. one Christmas I got far too tipsy and spent £400 on family Christmas presents. Big sis' (pregnant at the time) didn't see the humour of me buying her hubby a blow up doll. (Sigh)

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  41. I'm with ya sister! I actually wrote a make up post recently too.
    : ) Thanks for the follow over at http://LYLASPlus.

    You can check out the make up post at http://LYLASandCo.com if you like.

    Title: MY MOM LOOKS CREEPY

    Elle : )

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  42. I am a Makeup Hoarder. Really I love all things makeup and I love putting it on other people.

    But ya don't need to spend a lot of money on makeup. there are some fabulous products out there you can get at walmart for less than whatever it is Mary Kay is selling things for these days. But i do like them too lol.

    Just saying. But ya know some peeps look just fine without makeup. I think you are one of those. I have a few friends who hardly wear makeup and I think they always look great. If the AF ever sends us to the same base. I will do your makeup! =P

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  43. Once again I am laughing out loud in my office! I love the part where you would enjoy the child free math class...haha! Happy Thursday!

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  44. one of the three baby showers that my friend's hosted for me many eons ago, was a joint babyshower/Mary Kay party. somehow, the image of people getting facials while others taste-tested baby foods has never completely left my brain.

    http://mexicanmisfit.blogspot.com/

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  45. This was funny. I love makeup. Maybe because I'm an artist at heart. I love to "transform" myself everymorning from frumpy middle aged mom to hot mama (at least that's what I keep telling myself)
    But yeah, I don't like pressure.
    I sell makeup and skin care, not MK, but JAFRA :) Soooo much better ;) Been doing it for 17 years :)
    But,ummm, yeah,you are so lucky you don't NEED make up like I need makeup.
    Love your blog btw.

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  46. LOL @ "face-like"

    I actually sold Mary Kay for seven years. I wasn't very good at it. I basically just let people know I sold it, and if they came to me fine, if not, fine. I sold enough to get my own stuff for free, but that was about it.

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  47. Oh I Looooooovvvveee Makeup!!! I actually used to work as a freelance makeup artist before I had kids. If I was your in real life friend I'd make you fall in love with it too, I am sure of it! LOL :)

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  48. I'm sorry most of you ladies don't like the parties for Mary Kay. We are more about showing you how to care for your skin first then makeup. There are a lot of women who don't wear makeup because they aren't sure how to wear it. That's part of your job as a consultant. I hope the consultant from your party scheduled a one on one facial. It's so much easier with no pressure to be able to instruct and help. I'd be glad to answer any questions. Yes the price seems high but these are quality products that last a lot longer than the average. No you don't need 4 different layers either. I go by what is easiest for the consumer. Who doesn't want to keep their skin younger looking? Thats what I'd want for you! Yes we do try to recruit but we know it's not for everyone we just want to offer the option. It's been a great career for many awesome women myself included! Its given me all the time I want for family,friends and life in general!

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  49. I'm sorry most of you ladies don't like the parties for Mary Kay. We are more about showing you how to care for your skin first then makeup. There are a lot of women who don't wear makeup because they aren't sure how to wear it. That's part of your job as a consultant. I hope the consultant from your party scheduled a one on one facial. It's so much easier with no pressure to be able to instruct and help. I'd be glad to answer any questions. Yes the price seems high but these are quality products that last a lot longer than the average. No you don't need 4 different layers either. I go by what is easiest for the consumer. Who doesn't want to keep their skin younger looking? Thats what I'd want for you! Yes we do try to recruit but we know it's not for everyone we just want to offer the option. It's been a great career for many awesome women myself included! Its given me all the time I want for family,friends and life in general!

    ReplyDelete
  50. I'm sorry most of you ladies don't like the parties for Mary Kay. We are more about showing you how to care for your skin first then makeup. There are a lot of women who don't wear makeup because they aren't sure how to wear it. That's part of your job as a consultant. I hope the consultant from your party scheduled a one on one facial. It's so much easier with no pressure to be able to instruct and help. I'd be glad to answer any questions. Yes the price seems high but these are quality products that last a lot longer than the average. No you don't need 4 different layers either. I go by what is easiest for the consumer. Who doesn't want to keep their skin younger looking? Thats what I'd want for you! Yes we do try to recruit but we know it's not for everyone we just want to offer the option. It's been a great career for many awesome women myself included! Its given me all the time I want for family,friends and life in general!

    ReplyDelete

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