Monday, April 1, 2013

A Military Member's First Love

I learned a long time ago when you love a person in uniform, that, most likely, you’ll never be their first love.

Their first love is not even a person but you have to share him or her with it again and again even though you might not want to.

America.

I see it in my husband's eyes as he packs—he struggles with his feelings—his love for his country and his love for his family. He wants to go and serve his country but he’s conflicted because he doesn’t want to miss any more time with us. Especially his little girl, who will randomly take his hand and go, “Hold my hand up so I can spin like a ballerina, Daddy!” She’s growing up too fast. Will she still want to play ballerina with him when he returns?

It’s his job to go. He might not be on the front lines but his part is still important, his part helps allow us our freedom. I remind myself of this when I get angry, when I wonder why, why, why must he be taken away again.

I don’t want his last memory of me to be a sad one so I fight back my tears as I hug him goodbye. I am not an attractive crier and I don’t want his last image to be of me covered in snot and saliva. I force a smile on my face and whisper in his ear, “We’ll be okay,” as he hugs me close. I breathe in his woodsy scent and try to remember it.

He’s gone five minutes later and I’m left standing there with his children who I am in charge of fully while he’s away. I will not be able to ask him for help when they become unruly. I will not be able to lift his daughter up on my shoulders as he did and she’ll fuss over this and tell me that she wishes that he were here instead of me. I understand her anger and will never hold it against her.

He’ll be in our thoughts daily. He’ll know that he is loved.

He’ll know that I understand why he has to go.

28 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful post that made me very teary. We appreciate families like yours. Thank you! (Also, my husband was in the Air Force, but it was before I met him. Love the Air Force.)

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  2. I want to thank your husband for serving our country. It is a hardship I don't have to experience but think you are so wonderfully strong and brave for going through it.

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  3. You are a strong and amazing wife and mother. Lots of prayers and hugs!

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  4. Oh Amber - you made me tear up this morning. Know that all the sacrifices your family makes is so appreciated; not that it makes it any easier.

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  5. Wow. This is heart breaking. You are so strong. Wish I could give you a hug. Thank you for your sacrifices. Both of you and the kids.
    ~M

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  6. Thank you for sharing your husband as he helps to protect America. Praying that this deployment is quick and easy and he returns to you safe and sound quickly.

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  7. I will be saying some prayers for your family. Coming from a military family myself. I am grateful for your Husband's service and for your sacrifice.

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  8. Do you have any idea how long this deployment is going to last?

    Safe travels for your husband!

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  9. Oh you made me cry.

    I have the upmost respect and admiration for military families who have to be separated. I can not imagine.

    God speed to you all.

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  10. So beautifully said. And I have to admit I can't even imagine. My husband leaves for a two day business trip to Long Island every now and then and I panic about that. And that's a (presumably) safe hotel situation.

    Blessings to your family.

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  11. Thinking good thoughts for y'all- can't imagine the difficulty of having a deployed spouse.

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  12. Thank you to your husband for his service to our country. Thank you also to you for taking care of the home stuff so that he can do his job effectively.

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  13. Bless you and your family while he is gone. And constant prayers for him while he serves us.

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  14. So thankful for the men and women who serve our country; their loyalty, dedication and love for our country is admirable and so honorable. The families; the spouses and children are sacrificing also and sometimes that is forgotten. Not maliciously, but people just don't realize. It takes a very strong family..kudo's to you and your children. You are awesome, thanks for supporting your husband, it is so much easier for them to go on deployment when they know they have a supportive spouse at home keeping the family going.

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  15. Oh girl this gave me chills and made me almost cry-- I am an ugly crier too so I fought it- thank you. Thank you for letting your husband go, thank you for all you both sacrifice and give. Thank you.

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  16. This is so true. I wish they never had to go!

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  17. Thanks for stopping by. Glad you liked the signs. I love pics with quotes. stop by more often. loved having you by. Cant figure out how to add you as a friend. would love to read your blog more

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  18. That made me tear up! My kids have not experienced a deployment yet, but I am not looking forward to it. I hope the time passes quickly for you!

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  19. I am so grateful to your husband for his sacrifice but also for you and your kids who are sacrificing so much as well.

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  20. Oh, whew. I'm crying here. I can't imagine how hard deployment is for you and your entire family. Thank you for all the sacrifices you are making.

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  21. You've made me teary this morning.
    I hope Natalie starts to understand that her Dad has gone to do something important, and understand that you miss him too.
    Also, I don't know anyone that is an attractive crier. I know I'm not. I think Tom has enough good memories of you for that not to be an abiding image, though.

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  22. Sending you love during his time away. For all of you guys.

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  23. Sending you extra good vibes on this next chapter! Stay strong!

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  24. Love and hugs sent your way. May the days fly by. <3

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  25. Big, big hugs to you!!! Thank you for your service and his. This is probably the hardest part of our lives as military spouses.

    Chin up - you've got this. Perhaps try something new? A new project? Take a class? A new hobby? Something to keep you busy and interested. Then you'll have something to show and share when he returns!!

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  26. Thank you to all of you for his service. Because it truly is a family service and a family sacrifice. Thank you.

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