Sunday, July 4, 2021

What NOT To Say If Your Child Comes Out


When my daughter told me she was pansexual, I just said okay. It didn't bother me in the least. Why would I object to her being her authentic self? But some parents do object. I know this because Natalie has told me about several friends who have tried to come out to their parents and were met with some of the following phrases below. 

Natalie's friends know that I am there for them. So they've told me some heartbreaking things. Natalie also has seen sad coming out stories on Tik Tok--these poor kids are crying because their family won't accept them. 

So here are some things that I've gathered that you should NOT say to someone coming out to you, whether it be your kid, a friend, or another family member. ANYONE. 

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You're too young to know. Natalie has told me several of her friends parents have said this. While I don't like to criticize other parents in how they want to parent, I do not agree with this. You know who you are attracted to. 


It's a sin. I admittedly probably don't like this because I am not religious. But telling anyone it's a sin is pretty rude. Believe what you want, but don't force others to think the same as you do. I have many religious friends, some of which are gay, and they've told me the Bible can be interpreted in so many different ways. 


Yeah, right. Never blow off someone who is trying to share their truth. It might mean they will never open up to you again.


It's a choice. No. No, it is not. Educate yourself. 


I'm disowning you. Seriously, so many people on Tik Tok say they've been disowned by parents or other family members for coming out. I do not understand how anyone can do this. You'll really ignore a family member or friend because of who they are attracted to? 



Here's what you SHOULD say:

"I'm here for you," or if you're not exactly sure, say "tell me more." As I mentioned, I said okay, but I always tell Natalie I am here if she ever needs to talk. And if anyone ever tells her it's wrong, well, I'll be there to stand up for her. When I shared her truth on social media I was met with mostly positive responses, but there were some mean ones as well. One person said "I'll pray for her" and I responded, "Hopefully to have a happy life." 










20 comments:

  1. I will never understand a parent who can't just love their child for who they are especially when their choice effects NO ONE ELSE but themselves. I am so glad to hear you were simply "normal" towards your daughter as if she said, you now how you think my favorite color is pink, well its actually blue.. I mean its just that simple.. Their life, their choice. PERIOD!

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  2. Assuring your child of your support is very vital in parenting

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  3. This post is very informative, most parents don’t know how to react.

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  4. Unfortunately, some parents are to quick to respond instead of thinking before they speak. Some children know at a really early age and feel obliged to hide it for fear of what others will think. I agree with what you have suggested. Being supportive is the best way to approach this.

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  5. As long as my chilld is happy and safe nothing else matters more

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  6. I agree. "It's a sin" that's the worst thing to say. And I love how you explained it.

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  7. It's heartbreaking that blog posts like this have to be written. Parenthood is all about loving your children unconditionally--and that includes sexuality.

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  8. Scarlett BrooklynJuly 5, 2021 at 11:48 PM

    I'm so shock with the third one. Some people are so mean.

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  9. It blows my mind that kids and teens are still dealing with parents being so close minded. I simply can’t imagine being like that so I absolutely love that you’re talking about it openly. The littlest comments can go a long way.

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  10. It's sad that in a delicate moment like this, a parent can tell something that can hurt kid's feeling! Your suggestion are to keep in mind for the future

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  11. These are wonderful thoughts. I'll definitely accept my kids if they do come out. I just want them to be happy with their choices and how to live their lives.

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  12. I think it's crazy that some parents still want to be mean like that. I would always be accepting of my children no matter what. As long as they are happy, then so am I.

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  13. I am sure Natalie's friends feel grateful to have you and hopefully hearing your support of Natalie will help open the eyes and hearts of their parents. Being supported makes a world of difference!

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  14. Glad she has your support. That's what kids need from parents. And I agree, it's not a choice. -LYNNDEE

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  15. You are such a great momma!!! these are such great tips. thanks for sharing this

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  16. I don't have children but I have a sister who came out. My mum reacts exactly as you mention, accepting her as she is.

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  17. You are great momma. These are great tips. Kids needs parents both needs to be understanding each other.

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  18. It breaks my heart that some need to read this. Let's all just love and be those unconditional parents.

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  19. When you love your kids/fam/friends/someone unconditionally, you accept them fully, respect their choice! I am not a parent yet, but will keep your tips in mind always ❤️

    Thanks,
    Everything Enchanting

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Thanks for the comment!

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