Monday, August 16, 2010

My Husband The Werewolf...

“And I figure we’ll start a budget so we know what we can each spend each month on fun stuff,” I said.

My husband Tom morphed into a werewolf as a response.

“Come on, Tom,” I said. “Seriously.”

We were talking on Skype. He’s in Korea for a year, I’m in the States. Lately he’s been hanging out with a bunch of people and has been spending money left and right. I was trying to have a serious conversation but I find whenever I try to do that, he plays with his web cam features.

“So you don’t always have to go out,” I continued. “And likewise, I’ll watch what I spend. That way we have more money to put in savings when you come back.”

“Growl,” Tom answered, still a werewolf.

“I’m being serious here,” I said sternly.

“Yay,” Tom said and then his face returned but a bunch of balloons floated around the screen.

It’s like talking to someone with ADD.

“I went with some of the guys to a nearby town,” Tom said, and finally he was just himself. “I tried some Korean food.”

This is a big deal because Tom can be incredibly picky. The man doesn’t like pot roast for craps sake. Who doesn’t like pot roast?

He showed me a picture of what he ate.



“Oh, you’re using chopsticks,” I said, impressed. I tried to eat with chopsticks and couldn’t get a morsel of food to my mouth. In the end I lost my patience and just stabbed the meat with the stick and ate it like that.

“It was all they had. Oh, and you wouldn’t believe all the prostitutes I saw walking around.”

I nearly choked on the water I had just taken a sip of. Tom had said it so casually. Prostitutes. (The first thing I pictured was Julia Roberts.)

“They kept asking if we wanted to buy them a drink,” Tom said, making a face.

“Did you show them your wedding ring?” I asked.

“They don’t care. They’re prostitutes,” Tom reminded me.

Well. Still.

“I better get going,” I said. “I have to clean up. I miss you.”

Tom turned into an alien. “Miss you.”

Ugh.

44 comments:

  1. So, I take it there's still no budget? Hey, at least he's spending money on food and not prostitutes, right?

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  2. so, why does he smile for other people but not for you?? lol!

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  3. This post, while funny, reminded me again just how much the families of our soldiers sacrifice so I just want to say "Thank you." To your soldier husband, but also to you and the kiddos.

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  4. Yup, according to my husband, Asia is chock full of prostitutes. But don't worry. He says only the stupid guys actually go for it.

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  5. Meh, I can drive down the street in downtown Salt Lake, and find many prostitutes. We all need to make a living!!

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  6. Those last two lines damn near broke my heart. Just the idea of Skype breaking up when you're saying good-bye so sucks.

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  7. Yeah my hubs seems to not think he needs to worry about money while he works in Ca either

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  8. Sounds like he has fun with the computer - didn't know he could do things like that.

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  9. I'm glad he's trying new things--as long as that doesn't include prostitutes. Haha. Why is it that budget is a 4 letter word to men? Ugh, never could understand that.

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  10. Bwhahaha - I cracked up with this entire post. Hopefully the year passes quickly, I hate being away from DH for too long!

    P.S - once you get the hang of chopsticks, it's pretty easy to eat with them.

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  11. you guys are seriously so cute and funny.. i think i would like to know ya'll in "real life"... lol!!

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  12. I would have no idea how to have a long distance relationship with my husband. I'm sure this is totally normal. :)

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  13. This is TOTALLY reminiscent of when we were stationed in Germany and my husband visited Amsterdam. When I flipped through his pictures, it went something like this: waterfront, prostitute, prostitute, "coffee" shop, prostitute, prostitute, bicycle, tulip, prostitute.

    As long as all those pictures were taken from a reasonable distance, it was okay with me ... :)

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  14. Men! Budgets are tough so hopefully he will commit! Hang in there girl!

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  15. My husband has ADD too when it comes to important conversations. Best of luck!

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  16. I like places with lots of prostitutes walking around. When we were in Paris, we saw quite a few on the streets. Kind of interesting. In Amsterdam, you can go see them in windows. I liked that too. Still, if I had to choose, I'd be like Tom and go for the Korean bbq instead.

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  17. gotta love skype.. and prostitutes.

    Wait.. not prostitutes..

    but skype! Yup gotta love skype!

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  18. gotta love skype.. and prostitutes.

    Wait.. not prostitutes..

    but skype! Yup gotta love skype!

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  19. Maybe the prostitutes will help him save money. Just send them to whereever he's going so he has to leave!

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  20. If you've got any sort of IBS or spastic colon situation, authentic Korean food is not for you.

    I know this because I have some of those issues and have later paid the price.

    Just saying.

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  21. I remember when Chris was deployed - our finances were so jacked up. ugh.

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  22. Sorry for your stress... and for the prostitutes.

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  23. Oh girl! You have enough to worry about without budgets, werewolves, aliens and prostitutes! Know we are praying for you! And thank you for the sacrifices you make on all our behalves!

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  24. Chopsticks and prostitutes. Hmmm. The Army is sounding like a great deal to a bunch of 18 year old guys right about now...

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  25. I got the exact opposite. My husband was deployed for training and then to Iraq for almost 2 years. The only place he could spend money was at the PX so he didn't spend hardly anything. Then when he got home he wanted to buy everything in sight!

    And definitely hear you on the no such thing as a serious conversation area. Sometimes he steers the subject so far around the topic I'm trying to discuss that he does seem like an alien!

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  26. At least Tom just starts finding ways to deflect the conversation - mine always finds a way to take it over and then ignore what I'm trying to say. Men! Grrrrr.

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  27. Sounds like Tom is enjoying himself...

    ...how are YOU doing?

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  28. I sound like your husband whenever my husband mentions a budget. I stick my fingers in here and try to change the subject.

    So far its working. :-)

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  29. I love to eat with chopsticks! I imagine that its hard to talk about a budget being a whole world apart. Hugs!

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  30. Now if he starts wanting you to dress up in cheap hooker outfits, then you're in trouble.

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  31. You know, the balloons sound kinda sweet and mushy, esp. compared to the prostitutes.

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  32. I can only imagine how hard this must be on you, girl.

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  33. Haha, I mess around with those on-screen animations for Skype, too!

    What is it that Tom's eating?

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  34. Yeah, everybody else is stuck on the prostitutes, and I'm stuck on how he's blowing the budget... It's gotta suck to try to tell him to cut back when he's over in Korea... I feel your pain, kiddo! --but you're right, so keep trying!

    L.

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  35. He was so nice to tell you that (catch the irony?), men!

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  36. I say you go crazy in Gymboree, and if Tom complains, smile sweetly, add some balloons and point out that there is no budget :D Heheheheh.

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  37. Did he like the food? Glad he isn't spending money on prostitutes.

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  38. I wish my guy would morph into a werewolf when it came to serious conversations.
    It would be a nice switch from the troll he usually turns into.

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  39. I smiled and cried at the same time...how frustrating?! Usually if you have a convo like this you can hug and forget the rest of the world but to have to say goodbye on a screen and that word....blech...I am so sorry and so grateful for what you both sacrifice for everyone.

    My hubby is starting to travel a lot more and will eventually be all over the world. I tried to let him know what other countries do to "welcome" men when they visit and he just laughed. I don't think he believed me.

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  40. Prostitutes?!

    Well, that explains the extra expenditures at least.

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  41. Skype is a WONDERFUL thing; it makes it seem as if the individual weren't so far away, no?

    My husband used to travel all the time and he'd call (Before skype was invented) and tell me how he ate a nice steak for dinner, and the kids and I ate mac/cheese! Where's the justice?!

    I agree, you'd better reign that bad boy in - next thing you know he'll have his own personalized ivory chopsticks! LOL!

    p.s. I can't use chopsticks either! I always ask for a fork. I don't care what kind of look I get from the waiter, either!

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  42. I think I would hate Skype. I'd feel like I had to do the whole makeup and hair thing!!!

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