Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Don'ts On Airplane Travel

I’ve been on airplanes a lot and have experienced all sorts of passengers: the chatty ones, the quiet ones, the ones who get comfortable with you quickly and lean their chair back into your lap.....

So I figured I’d make a list of things NOT to do while on an airplane.




Don’t lean your chair all the way back. It’s rude. I get that you probably paid an obscene amount for your seat so you feel you should be as comfortable as you want. But please remember there is a PERSON behind you who doesn’t appreciate your head in their laps. Should this occur, a drink might “accidentally” splash on you.



Don’t keep talking if the person next to you pulls out a book and starts to read. This signals that they are done conversing. I once had a lady jabber on while I was reading a People magazine. I’ll talk for a few minutes and then I need to read so I’m distracted when we take off. Otherwise in the middle of our conversation I’ll be like, “Holy crap, we’re moving. I hope we don’t die,” and this might scare you.



Don’t automatically hog the armrests. Especially if my arm is already on it. I’m polite and will take my arm off after awhile so the person next to me has a chance to use it. But some people immediately take it for themselves, refusing to share. Or, and this happened once, they’ll put their arm over mine on the armrest. That’s uncomfortable. Especially if you stink.



Don’t plug your earphones into my earphone plug. Look around for yours. This way I don’t have to tap you and say, “Excuse me, you’re using my plug.” Don’t have the nerve to look annoyed with ME for disturbing your precious music. Had you looked around more, I wouldn’t have had to bother you.



Don’t toss me dirty looks if my kids are being loud. This is the year 2011, kids aren’t just made to be seen and not heard. I will tell my kids to settle down if they get too noisy but I’m not going to ask them to hush if they are asking me questions. Trust me, if I don’t answer them right away, they only get louder. I wish there were airplanes for people with children only like you do, because when you toss me a dirty look, I want to toss my peanuts in your face.



Don’t bathe in cologne or perfume. I once had a person sit next to me who smelled as though they had sprayed the entire bottle of Calvin Klein on. I could even taste it in my mouth whenever I’d breathe in. That's disgusting, people.



Don’t constantly get up to use the bathroom if you are in the window seat. It’s annoying to the other two people beside you who have to constantly stand up and scoot into the aisle whenever you have to go. If you have a bladder problem, try to get an aisle seat. You can request these things when you book your ticket.



Don’t watch obscene movies beside me. I don’t want to watch soft porn on an aircraft, thanks. I’d rather not have to explain to my kids why the two adults are wrestling.

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Do you have anything I ought to add? I was tempted to put, "don't eat the airplane food" but not a lot of airlines serve it. Unless you want to pay for your limp noodles and mystery meat...

45 comments:

  1. I have a horror story about a flight attendant... I was holding my son in an aisle seat. He was asleep in my arms (about 8 months old at the time), and his head was barely over the armrest. An overweight flight attendant was coming out of the back, and without asking me to move (I could easily have raised my elbow without waking him), she tried to wiggle past us. But her hips were too wide for her to walk down the aisle without bumping every seat, and a metal clip she had buckled to her waist gouged Gabe's baby head. He woke up screaming, and he had a deep, red scratch on his forehead for days after we got home. The woman never even turned to apologize.

    Fortunately, the other passengers witnessed it, and no one complained about our screaming baby. And when my husband mentioned the situation to another attendant, she brought us free drinks, and extra snacks for our kids.

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  2. Hey! I am a new blogger and brand new follower of your Blog and say your husband is in Korea! So is mine, atleast until Next week! I enjoyed this post very much! I have had a rough day... Heck a rough month or two and this made me laugh out loud! So thank you! I hope you would follow my blog too, like I said I am new to this and would love to meet people who can somehow relate to me, and I am always up for new information, suggestions and like tonight, a pleasant laugh! Thanks again!

    Sincerely,
    Chelsea

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  3. I used to fly a lot for work and family and it's always a grind. Virgin Australia have a wonderful habit of piling everyone who's travelling with a child in the back eight rows which can get a bit rowdy -but you just don't get any poison looks because we're all in it together!

    If someone fully reclines on me I tap them on the shoulder and ask them to put their seat up. 100% compliance so far!

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  4. All such very valid points. Why can't they add this to the helpful little talk at the beginning of the ride (right after "and THIS is how you buckle a seatbelt...")?

    What is it with people not treating kids like people. Seriously...kids are human, too. Not to mention, I think the people who are rude about how inconvenient kids are were probably the worst kids themselves!

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  5. Haha this was fun! I am the window seat person who has to go potty at least once on the flight. I am sorry, but you want me in the window seat. The one time I have to get up, is so much better than the eight million times I will move and annoy you if I am not in the window seat.

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  6. I haven't flown since we added kid number three, and I totally dread it. Though, I have gotten pretty good and pretending I exist is a bubble and all dirty looks bounce right off of it. It's the only way :)

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  7. I have one for you...

    DON'T take off your shoes!! Ugh! Smelling your stinky feet for a couple of hours is beyond gross!!!

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  8. I don't know much about flying, seeing as I haven't been on a plane since I was six and we were moving from Hawaii to central Texas.

    I do know about long car drives.

    Don't sing with your music. The headphones were invented so I didn't have to listen to your music in the first place.

    If you think you're gonna spew, move away from me as quickly as possible. Please. Unless you want me spewing on you, and trust me, I don't want to spew. Best to keep that to yourself.

    Don't talk on the phone the whole time. Don't shush me the whole time then turn around and have a conversation with someone else. Respect is a two way street.

    I agree, please try to do your duty in the restroom as rarely as possible. If you have a pea sized bladder, I don't want you bothering me all the time and making me move.

    I don't want to hear about your family, your girlfriend, your neighbors, your disease that's flaring up, or your affairs. Small talk is ok, incessant talk is annoying. I'm not your best friend.

    Agree with pumpkin person- no smelly feet please. Addendum- please keep your hands clean if you're touching things near me. I don't want your germs. Please don't rub your snotty nose then touch something of mine. Please don't sneeze and cough on me.

    I'm a little OCD, so that kind of stuff is a little....annoying. I could probably come up with more, if given time. Like don't take up the whole aisle if on the end, and not let anyone pass. If there's an empty seat, don't hog it and make the other person squish into a single seat. Armrest fights are a bugger.

    Oi. I go on a 12 hour road trip back to Texas on Thursday. Not looking forward to it. Dios mio. Plus it's like a furnace there, and dry as hell.

    ~Ashley~
    Perpetually Me

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  9. I usually travel alone, and I can honestly say I've never been disturbed by anyone's kids. Yes, I can hear them, but as long as they're not running up and down screaming, they're fine. But, the people tutting when a baby cries drive me nuts. If the parents are stressed out the baby is just going to cry more, leave them in peace to deal with their baby. Grrrr

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  10. I usually travel alone, and I can honestly say I've never been disturbed by anyone's kids. Yes, I can hear them, but as long as they're not running up and down screaming, they're fine. But, the people tutting when a baby cries drive me nuts. If the parents are stressed out the baby is just going to cry more, leave them in peace to deal with their baby. Grrrr

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  11. Don't let your kids kick/push their feet onto the seat in front of them, no one likes someone's foot pushing into their back on a long flight. I am a parent, and I try hard to curb this activity. I'm not always successful, but I like the person to think I am trying at least.

    Men: When you use the lav on the plane, try extra hard to aim.

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  12. Here's one - if you are in the window seat behind me - DON'T put your feet on the back of my arm rest so that I can see and SMELL your feet the entire flight. IT'S MY SEAT not yours! I remedied the situation by stuffing an airline pillow back there basically pushing her feet off.

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  13. I am so glad I've never had to travel by air. . . especially with kids. But I'll keep this list handy for when the day comes ;)

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  14. Yes. Dear window seat person, if you did not pay extra so that you didn't have to sit inbetween people or next to the isle, and are going to have the shade down the entire time, ask someone else if they want the window seat.

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  15. this made me laugh out loud. I really enjoy flying, and have rarely had a bad time of it. Except for that one time...an overweight man wearing a t-shirt that proclaimed him to be an OB-GYN {yeah, right} decided to take up his seat and half of mine...then proceeded to unwrap a sandwich out of his bag that I swear smelled like it had been there for days. Terrible. Terrible.

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  16. I agree. I have one to add.

    Don't try to carry on all your luggage. Bring a small bag to carry on with the necessities and check the rest. That way your armpits aren't in my face while you are trying to cram it in the overhead and pry it out.

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  17. The DON'T bathe in cologne or perfume applies to everywhere!!! I even had a nurse who smelled so strongly of perfume I had to ask her to send in someone else. I thought it was in nursing 101 to NOT wear perfume to work.

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  18. Oh! These are all good! And the ones in the comment section here. I will have to remember them the next time I fly, with or without Son.

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  19. DONT bring super pungent food on the airplane to eat (since as you pointed out rarely do you get food provided these days). I like phad thai and a good curry as much as the next girl, but I don't want to smell it while I'm in an enclosed space with no place to go.

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  20. I've flown several times, never with my kids, but it's never the people WITH kids who bother me. It's the dirty looks other people give them if the kid makes ONE noise. I'm sorry but if a kid is TALKING that's behaving. It's not like the child is screeching, but everyone acts like, "Oh boy here we go." I hate when people want to strike up a conversation just because they are sitting next to you. Even more so when they persist after you've brought out a book or ear phones and have stopped replying to them. I *also* agree with the commenter above about the carry on luggage. I can't stand it when someone thinks they are above the rules and sure since it's YOU they are going to let you carry on ALL of your luggage.

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  21. Ha! Love your tips!

    May I add to your list:
    Do not ask me if you can have my muffin after I have already eaten off of it.

    True story, it happened to me and when I told her I had already taken a bite from it, she STILL wanted it.

    I have a whole bunch of Airplane Stories on my blog, seems that every time we fly, something humorous happens!

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  22. i REALLY hate flying.. that's all!!

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  23. Yes. Yes. And Yes!!! People really have no manners on airplanes. Why??

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  24. Love these!

    I'd add don't get on your phone before the flight takes off and say, "Ya, I'm sitting by a baby. I know. We'll see how it goes." and then expect me to engage in a conversation with you after the plane lands when you say, "Wow, your baby was so good!"

    I absolutely detest flying.

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  25. I think you've covered just about everything that I can think of. The armrests and seats back are my biggest problem because I'm just shy of 6' tall with real bad knees so I need to move them occasionally. People are rude and very inconsiderate of others on public transportation. Great post.

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  26. I hate flying. I also hate it when people over drink on the flight. I mean how many drink does someone need on a two hour flight? Will you not survive a few hours without a stiff one?

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  27. Ugh, I hate the dirty looks... It's like none of those people were ever five years old... Oh wait... They were once...

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  28. Don't bring stinky food on the plane! I hate when I smell onions or garlic on an entire flight because someone brought their stupid lunch or dinner to pollute the air.

    Also - stay in your own seat! I hate being in a middle seat when the occupants next to me are slouching over into my area. The middle seat sucks enough without being squished more.

    I hate flying, they need to get on with finding us a way to teleport places. I'd be all over that.

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  29. All good ones....also add please bathe on the day of travel it's not fair for us all to smell your BO and i have issues when people take off their stinky shoes!

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  30. I don't fly often anymore... but I love these 'Don't's' <--Is that right?
    People need to be more courteous of each other!!!

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  31. oh man i hate flying not the plane but the people.

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  32. This is wonderful! Airlines should put this in the seat back pocket!

    My "don't", (that I wish did not come from personal experience, but unfortunately, I was the girl sitting behind them):

    Don't make out on the plane. I understand that the flight is not full, and there is no one next to you, so you think you are alone, but there is someone behind you. Someone who does not need to see this when she is trying to read her book - for the entire two hour flight. Thank you!

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  33. Carrying-on the bag that SHOULD have been checked because they are to cheap to pay for checked bags, only to then try and cram it in the overhead under the flight attendant offers to check it for free.

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  34. That should say "until the flight attendant"....not "under the flight attendant".

    Under sounds like a cool place though.

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  35. Don't forget to take a shower before you board the plane. For the sake of others, don't board the plane sick and hacking up a lung. Sometimes plane rides are the worst!

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  36. I hate when people lean their seats all the way back. Someone did that to me when I was flying 7 months pregnant and holding a 14 month old. He turned around and said something about my son pushing on his seat. Um, yeah, I freaked out.

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  37. How about, "Have consideration and remember that we're ALL Miserable up here."

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  38. I don't mind children that are talking with their own seat parents -- I do mind screeching and kicking the back of my seat for the entire flight (this actually happened). And don't get me started on the selfish people who fill up the carry-on space with multiple bags that force me to wait to disembark because the nice helpful flight attendant put my bags four and five seats further down from me. Grrrr.

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  39. I think you covered the majority of them. I had some guy lean back in his chair with his head in my lap all the way from Ireland to Chicago. Uh, yeah, that was fun. I thought, "Don't you think you should introduce yourself, first?" Plus, he had terrible bad breath. I was such a wuss, I never even said a word!

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  40. Don't pull out a huge bowl of pasta and proceed to eat in it in the dark on a red eye flight when you have the middle seat. It gets all over everyone.

    Don't push the flight attendant call button and then pretend to be asleep when they come (multiple times)so they think I am the one doing it.

    I don't travel with kids but am usually really patient when there are some around me. With that said...Don't let your kid climb under the seat in front of you. I admit after the third or fourth time of having their legs kicking my feet I may purposely stomp on them. We won't even mention the many times they grabbed or kicked my seat back.

    The trick with the seat reclining is to put your foot on the bottom at one side of the back of it so that it won't recline when they try. If you do it in the right spot they won't feel your foot and will think the seat is broken.

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  41. Love how your commenters pitched in here too!

    Still cracking up over the "I hope we dont die" line... I mean, empathetically, you know.

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  42. You definitely covered most of them! I agree that people with body odor are the worst!

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  43. I always book a window seat and it really annoys me when I see someone push ahead of everyone to get to the front of the boarding line and then when I get on the plane they are in the aisle seat of my row. Then they get annoyed when I have to climb over them to sit down. Why push ahead of everyone then?

    I don't have kids, but I'm usually not annoyed by them because I know there's nothing you can really do about it. It did tick me off when I had my Coach purse under the seat in front of me (Like you're supposed to) and some kid dumped his apple juice all over it.

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  44. Flying doesn't bother me at all. Kids don't bother me as long as their parents don't check out with noise-cancelling head phones while their children run up and down the aisle. The same parents also didn't pack ANY activities for the poor kid. I ended up giving her a pencil and a bunch of paper. That helped a little. Again, I was only upset with her parents.

    My worst experience flying is truly horrifying. I had a window seat next to a man who had a bandage on the back of his hand. About an hour in to the 6 hour flight he pulls the bandage off to reveal what looked like some kind of chemical burn. He proceeds to pick off the skin around the burn and drop it on the floor. Disgusting. It still makes me gag to think about. So...I'll ad if you have a medical problem go to the rest room or at least the back of the plane.

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