7 Reasons Why I WON'T Be Watching The Super Bowl

The Super Bowl is Sunday.

And I really don't care.

The commercials are amusing, yes, but I'll catch a recap on YouTube.

1. Well, for starters, football bores me to tears. When it's on, I'm like this:

One time we got invited to a Super Bowl party. I assumed there would mostly be talking. And eating. But no, people actually wanted to WATCH the game.


2. The sudden shouting that people do frighten me. For instance, at the Super Bowl party I went to, men would suddenly go, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" or, "MOVE YOUR ASS!" I nearly fell off my chair each time.



3. I always want to mock the people who go, "We need to pick up the pace," or, "We need to do a better formation," as if they are personally part of the football team. We? What's this we business? Are you out there in tight pants? No?

4. Did I mention that football bores me to tears?

5. It bothers me that these players are paid millions, yet our troops who defend their country are paid horribly. And yes, I know I'm a hypocrite, because I enjoy watching movies and TV and those people are also paid millions. That also bugs me. I cannot tell you how upsetting it is to know someone like SNOOKI makes more money than our soldiers.

6. Football has interrupted my shows too many times. I HATE when a game runs long and runs into my program. If I'm recording a show, I miss part of it due to a stupid game. All games belong on ESPN.



7. Both teams that are in the Super Bowl bug me. On one side you have a guy who likes to shout, (Richard Sherman? I think?), plus that dude who was like, "I'm just here so I don't get fined," over and over like a moron, and on the other, you have a pompous ass:

Source

It really looked like he took the press conference seriously. Nice hat.



Anyway, I was invited to a Super Bowl party and I declined. Just in case people actually planned on WATCHING the game.

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Barfing

I hate throwing up.

I'll do anything I can to avoid it.

So when my stomach started majorly hurting the other night, I wouldn't allow it to happen. Tom always tells me, "Just puke! You'll feel better!" Maybe. But I cannot stand the feeling. I usually start crying hysterically as soon as it happens.

It was horrible though. I kept waking up all throughout the night. My stomach would lurch. I'd take deep breaths, willing the pain away. I could only sleep on my back. If I tried to move to my side, I would immediately feel awful. I was hoping I'd feel better when I woke up in the morning.

Nope.

I had to stumble in and get Tommy up. I basically sat on the couch, dead to the world. Tommy was like, "Don't get me sick."

The entire morning was a blur. I remember getting Natalie cereal. I brushed her hair, but not very well, so she went to school looking frightening. I walked her to school hoping the fresh air would make me feel better. Also, I wanted steps on my Fitbit so my Mom didn't think I was dead when she checked it.

The fresh air didn't help. I wanted to crawl the last few steps home.

I never had a fever. It was just a stomachache. I wasn't able to eat, which made me sad, because I love to eat.

When Tommy came back from school he asked if I had Ebola. I said no, but thank you for the concern. He would not let me touch him. "I can't have your germs. Sorry," he'd say.

Dinner was nuggets nuked in the microwave because I wasn't able to stand upright long enough to prepare something better.

It was not a fun day.

But you'll be pleased to know that I'm doing much better now. I can eat again. Now I just hope that the kids don't get sick.

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post. Grab the button if you'd like!
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--To not care that a football was deflated in a game. I hate football. Is it over yet? I'm sick of it interrupting my shows.


--To think American Sniper deserves all the Oscars it is nominated for. I know some people are like, "Chris Kyle lied in his book," but you know, the man was still a hero. Stop bashing him. He left behind a wife and two children. They don't need to hear the nonsense.


--To be sad that Parenthood is ending on Thursday. I love that show! I even wrote a blog post on why I love it here.


--To survive meltdowns like the one I survived last week by consuming lots of chocolate.


--To not be watching American Idol. I just plain don't care.


--To think that the documentary While Time Stands Still is something all military families should watch.


--To be SO CLOSE to paying off my car. Only $800 left. And then we'll be completely debt free!


--To have gone on a date with Tommy after I dropped Natalie at the Give Parents A Break program that the base does for military families once a month. I'm glad I don't embarrass him. He still finds me amusing.

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The Massive Meltdown

"It's like glass going across my brain."

This is how Tommy describes it when his sister cries. He cannot take the noise. So when she cries, he has a meltdown.

She cried the other day.

She had messed up the bathroom after I told her not to. See, she likes to mix mouthwash, toothpaste, and shampoo. She calls them potions. I've explained that her potions are made out of items that cost money. So I told her to cut it out.

She did not cut it out.

So I told her I was disappointed in her.

Her lower lip immediately shook and she wailed, "YOU JUST DUMPED OUT MY BUCKET!"

It's the metaphor used in her school. You want to be nice to others and fill up their buckets. If you're a bully, you dump everything out.

I was not being a bully. But Natalie had become hysterical.

"You just dumped out my bucket!" she repeated.

"What's going on?" Tommy shouted. "What's GOING ON?" His hands were clamped over his ears. "Why is this happening? Why is this happening?"

I could see the flash of the meltdown in his eyes. Tommy has Aspergers and noises are hard for him to process.

"Tommy. Breathe," I reminded him. He knows to breathe in and out to calm himself down. He started to do this. But then Natalie screeched, "MY BUCKET IS DUMPED!" and burst into tears.

"STOP IT!" Tommy bellowed. "STOP!" He slammed his door and I heard the TV volume boom. He had raised it to the max volume to drown out his sister. "STOP! STOP! STOP!"

I had my daughter crying. I had my son melting down. The volume from the TV was shaking the house. I wanted to cry but I had to hold it together. Tom is gone so I'm on my own. I've dealt with days like this before. "I can handle this. Like Olivia Pope," I said to myself. I managed to get Natalie to calm down.

"I'm sorry. I just like my potions," Natalie sniffled.

I suggested that next time she use water and food coloring. But downstairs so it doesn't get all over the bathroom.

I went into Tommy's room and found him banging his body against his mattress. He does this often because he likes the sensation against his skin.

"Is it over?" Tommy asked as he slammed his body against the mattress.

"Yes. Could you please turn the TV down?"

Tommy stopped and obeyed. "I'm sorry. It's like glass going across my brain. Am I still mature?" He's always so worried about that. With the Aspergers comes anxiety. He's constantly worried he's disappointing someone. He needs daily reassurance. And you have to reassure him in a regular tone, because if you say it in a snippy tone, he panics. Sometimes I say it in a snippy tone when he's asked me if he's mature for the eighth time that day. I don't mean to but sometimes I'm trying to cook, trying to keep Natalie happy, trying to keep the chicken from burning, and then he comes and asks me the same question he's asked many times that day, the same question that he asks countless times in one month.

"You're still mature," I told Tommy. "But sometimes your sister will overreact. It happens."

"To girls more often," Tommy said, but not rudely, just matter-of-factly.

We got through it. We're okay. It will probably happen again.

But I can handle it.

While Time Stands Still Documentary--A Great Film For Military Families

It's never easy when a spouse deploys.

Suddenly you're left taking care of everything on your own. Not to mention worrying about your spouse. So you have to take care of your family, while the constant worry goes on in your head.

I was glad when Elena Miliaresis contacted me about a documentary she made called While Time Stands Still. The documentary follows two military wives before, during, and after a deployment. The first wife, Brandi, is left to deal with two toddlers. The other wife, Denneny, has to say goodbye to her husband for the first time.

This is a fantastic documentary for military families to watch. It reminds us that we are not alone.


To purchase a copy of the documentary, you can check out the website here. You can also learn more about the director and producer of the documentary, Elena, and read more about the families depicted in the film.

You can also LIKE the Facebook page.

How The First Week Without My Husband Is Going

So my husband deployed.

How did my first week go?

Well.



--Natalie came running inside and was like, "I got hurt."

I flipped out at first, because she's always getting hurt. Then I realized it was only a scrape, so I rubbed Neosporin on it. It's looking much better now.



--I dropped this bowl on my toe.

It hurt. I cursed.



--I also dropped dinner.

Maybe it's Karma because I used a paper plate and am damaging the environment. I also cursed.



--My cat also randomly looks at the ceiling so I assume there's a ghost in the house.

Stop it, Max. You're scaring me.



So it's really no wonder why I bought all this:

I feel better now.

An Open Letter To Those Who Don't Understand The US Military

Dear People Who Don't Understand The Military,


I get it. You don't understand. But you have a right to your opinion. You should know, however, that our soldiers are some of the bravest people out there. They signed their life away. They work long hours for little pay. They are sometimes told at the last minute that they'll have to leave their families for many months. It's easy to sit behind a computer and type out things without fully thinking them through: we've all done it.

Please remember that our soldiers are the ones that help allow you to be able to express ridiculous opinions. Remember that our soldiers are the ones fighting for our freedom. Remember that calling a soldier a coward, or even hinting at it, is an insult not only to the people fighting for their country, but to the military families left behind. Maybe you don't think taking another life is heroic even if the person killed wouldn't hesitate to kill one of our troops if given the chance. It can be difficult to comprehend--but I assure you, if our soldiers weren't there, the United States wouldn't be what it is today. Yes, it is still a chaotic place, but it would be even worse without those who help to keep it safe.

So the next time you want to send out an ignorant tweet about our troops, perhaps say thank you instead.


Signed,

A proud military spouse

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post. Grab the button if you'd like!
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--For my first reaction to be, "My God, WHY?" when someone announces that they've signed up for a marathon.


--To have jumped when the light dinged on in my car. Luckily it was only for an oil change. Phew.


--To have appreciated all the kind comments on my Another Tear, Another Goodbye post.


--To not want to play Five Nights At Freddy's. It's a game for the computer where things pop out at you. My kids love it!


--To be going to see American Sniper today. I'll probably ugly cry into my popcorn.


--To have laughed over this paper Natalie did in school:

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Is Bloody Mary Real?

Natalie came home from school and was like, "Is Bloody Mary real?"

First of all, how do second graders know about Bloody Mary? Second, maybe she didn't really know what it was. Maybe she was talking about the alcoholic beverage and yes, that is very real.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Natalie looked at me like I was a complete idiot. "Duh. You say her name and she appears in the mirror. Bloody."

Oh. Crap.

"She's not real," I told her. "Unless we're talking about Mary Tudor. King Henry VIII's daughter. She was called Bloody Mary because she killed so many Protestants."

Natalie's mouth dropped open. "So she is real! How will I sleep ever AGAIN?"

Uh oh. I couldn't have her refusing to sleep. What if she wanted to sleep with me? I believe children belong in their own rooms. This is mostly because I like my space. I have enough issues sharing the bed with my husband.

That evening, I reassured Natalie that Bloody Mary was not real.

"I can't possibly take a bath!" Natalie shrieked. "What if her face appears in the mirror? I'll be DEAD FOREVER!"

"That won't happen," I promised.

She took the world's quickest bath.

When it was time to go to bed, she insisted on sleeping with the light on. She made me check to be sure Bloody Mary wasn't hovering. She also made me cover the mirror in her room.

"It's not real," I kept saying, but Natalie was like, "You just don't KNOW!"

At least she slept on her own. She's still timid about Bloody Mary though. She darts in the bathroom, does her business, and darts back out. I'm not sure how long this will last.

I wonder what she'll learn next at school? Stiff As A Feather, Light As A Board?

Another Tear, Another Goodbye

"Why does my Daddy always have to go away?"


"He has to go help keep us all safe. When he goes, he lets other daddies stay with their children."

"But why do my friends always get to have their daddy home?"


"They have different jobs. Their job is to keep us safe here. Everyone plays their part. It's just how it works."

"I wish he were with us all the time."


"Me too."


It's never easy to say goodbye, no matter how often you've done it.

Your heart still squeezes. Tears still prickle your eyes.


You try to stay brave. You don't want his last moments with you to be sad ones.

You reassure him that you'll be fine. Really.


You hug him and breathe in his scent. Old Spice mixed with a kind of woodsy smell. You tell him to stay safe. Don't be the hero. There are kids at home who need him. He agrees, but you both know if it came down to it, he'd be the hero. It's how he was trained.


You say one last I love you. You watch him walk away. He always does one final wave before he goes.


Then you're left with the kids. You squeeze their hands and say it'll be okay.


And then you start counting down the days until your family is complete again.

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Confusing Common Core Math

Natalie came home with this:

I was like, "What's a double ten frame?"

Natalie shrugged. "I don't know what's going on."

"Well, me either! You're learning this. What IS this?" I grabbed my phone to Google what a double ten frame was.

If you're interested, it's this:

I mean, what the crap?

It makes no sense to me. At all.

Yes, it's common core nonsense. I do not like common core. If you like common core, feel free to take it. Forever.

Math already confuses me. But add Common Core nonsense and I'm like:

It's like a whole other language. Why complicate math further?

It's why I didn't mind when Natalie wrote this as a response:

What's the problem with using fingers? I don't see one.

I want this nonsense to go away! Keep it for the kids who like it, but for the kids who are like WTF, let them do it the "old" way.

Thanks.

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post. Grab the button if you'd like!
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--To always want to say, "A baby!" when a pregnant person is all, "Guess what I'm having!"


--To have finally seen The Interview via OnDemand. It was pretty funny, but I've seen better movies. Still, I was amused at times.


--To have not watched the Golden Globes.


--To appreciate all the people who took the time to leave a review for my book The Swimmer's Assistant. 


--To be ready for the warmth we're supposed to get this weekend. It'll be in the 50s!


--To love these glasses I got to review for GlassesShop. Tommy says I look like a nice nerd.


--To have enjoyed my date with Tom on Friday. We went to a German restaurant and then had Dairy Queen for dessert.


--To love this outfit I got for Natalie when we go to Disney World in March:

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What Happens When You Live In Military Base Housing

We've always lived on base housing. I know some people don't like it, but we do. Well, I do. My husband is getting to the point where he'd prefer to live off base. We'll see. For now, we live on base, and here are the things I've noticed that can happen when you do.

1. Airplanes will wake you up at night or in the morning.

I've been woken up at 11 PM. I've also been woken up at 4 AM. I was not pleased, but they have to get their flying in. Once I thought we were having an earthquake and jumped out of bed. Then I realized, no, that's a jet.


2. You'll hear people talking from the sky.

There are intercom systems on base that are used for warnings. Such as when we get a tornado, Lindsay Lohan breaking on base, or letting us know when exercises are being done. Sometimes the gates will pretend as though they had a gate runner so they can be prepared if it really happens. So a person will go, "Exercise, exercise, exercise," on the intercom. It can be startling if this happens before you've had caffeine. I once heard a man speaking overhead and was like, "God?"


3. You won't always be able to leave.

As I mentioned above, the base does exercises. Sometimes this means a gate will be shut down so they can better do an exercise. Other times the gates are shut down because there was a gate runner or because they are looking for someone so they have to look in each car to ensure you aren't the person. Once the gate was shut down due to a missing child. The longest I've had to wait is 40 minutes. Yes, it can be annoying, but I remember that people are only trying to do their jobs to keep us safe.


4. You'll be super close to your neighbor so be nice to them.

We basically share a driveway. If we fought, it would be terribly awkward if we were both going to our vehicles.


5. You might not have enough space if you are a packrat.


I wish we had more room. If Tom makes E-7, we can move into bigger enlisted housing with a DOUBLE GARAGE. Think of all the space! It's my fault though. I need to go through things. I just feel like I need my notebooks from college. I don't know why.


6. You have to keep your garden looking nice.

The base housing we had in England did not have a garden. I liked this. But the one in Wyoming did. I was written up many times for weeds. The housing guy even approached me when I got back from Target once. "It's the weeds. Again," he sighed, handing me my citation. Yes, you can get in trouble if the outside of your house looks frightening. If you get so many, your husband can get in trouble. I got enough to get my husband in trouble but he was in Korea for a year, so they took pity on me. I hate, hate, hate, that I have to take care of plants that I don't even like. And I didn't even put the plants that are pictured in! They might be dead now. Oops. But no citations here yet!

25 Things About Me

US Weekly has a bit in their magazine where they have 25 things about a celebrity. I decided to do this too even though I am not a celebrity.

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1. I got pregnant at 19. I discovered this while in college. I thought it was stress from my math class that was making my period late. Nope. It was a human being.

2. My Mom is a retired Colonel in the Air Force. She worked her tail off, so I always have to say something when I see comments on how Officers have it easy. They don't.

3. I joined a Facebook group on how to decorate homes in military housing. People post photos of immaculate homes. I want to post a real photo of a mess in my living room. "This is how real people live," I'd comment with it. I haven't had the nerve yet. One day.

4. I'm usually drinking a Diet Coke when I come across posts saying how awful it is for you.

5. I've been reading for as long as I can remember. I've always loved books. I remember having so many Sweet Valley Kids books. The Babysitter's Club. Sweet Valley Twins. Sweet Valley High. Sweet Valley University. Judy Blume books.

6. I've been to the following places: Germany, Italy, Paris, Normandy, Ireland, Scotland, England, Belgium, New Jersey, California, Nebraska, Wyoming, and Oklahoma. I've lived in some of those places. Visited others, thanks to the military.

7. I still don't understand Minecraft, even though my kids play it daily.

8. I cringe whenever I see the Sirius Satellite Radio commercial because that annoying kid is like, "Mommy, it's on!" in the worst chipmunk voice I have ever heard.

9. Jenny McCarthy follows me on Twitter.

10. I really wish Elijah Wood or John Krasinski would follow me on Twitter. I wouldn't freak them out. Well, maybe a little. Telling Elijah I want his eyeballs might weird him out.

11. I love Grumpy Cat. One of my life goals is to meet her.

12. I think Family Guy is hilarious. I also would like Seth MacFarlane to follow me on Twitter. Ted and A Million Ways To Die In The West also amused me. I'm looking forward to Ted 2. We actually own a Ted stuffed animal. That talks.

13. I love taking hot showers. I'm talking showers that turn my skin red. Lukewarm showers depress me, but by the time I get my shower, it's usually lukewarm.

14. I hate when people call vaginas a vag. I also will never call my husband "hubby" or "hubs."

15. I wouldn't be sad if Al Sharpton went away forever.

16. I still abhor the word selfie.

17. Lowes bores me, so when we go I act like a big child. I hand Tom screws and ask if he wants to screw me. I'll hug a hoe and say I'm hanging out with a hoe. It's no surprise that Tom walks quickly away from me. He might tell people I'm heavily medicated. Or drunk.

18. I love history. I read history books for fun.

19. I believe in ghosts. I'm not sure if psychics really exist. Maybe some people have a gift, but I think most can just read others incredibly well. It also could be because I watch The Mentalist and Patrick Jane always says, "There's no such thing as psychics."

20. I met my husband Tom in high school. In Belgium. He asked a friend to ask me if I liked him. I said yes. Then he came over and we were all, "Hi," "Hi," "Hi," all awkwardly for about five minutes. He was a friend before that, but we were both painfully shy.

21. I do judge if a grown adult writes "your welcome." Everyone over the age of 10 should know basic grammar.

22. I'm an only child. I always wished for a sibling, but it also taught me to entertain myself and appreciate quiet.

23. I love the show The Blacklist. I'm recently finished season one. I wish I had someone like Red Reddington to protect me. Also, he'd probably offer to fly me around in his private plane.

24. I roll my eyes when people say, "I'm bringing my A game!" I sort of want to shock everyone and say, "I'm bringing my C game. I'm tired."

25. I own tons of books. I have to get rid of them because when we move, we're only allowed a certain amount of weight. It pains me to get rid of my books. I try to donate to places on base. I once asked a lady, "You'll take care of these, right?" I think I frightened her.

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Putting Together The Barbie Mall

"We can do this," I said, lifting the box upstairs.

I set the box down in Natalie's room. It was a Barbie Mall. This wouldn't be too hard. Right?

I mean, yes, I'm awful with putting stuff together. I usually end up in tears. And cursing. But I've matured since then.

I tore open the box--and immediately the cardboard dug into the flesh of my thumb.

I cursed.

Natalie's mouth dropped open. "That's not a friendly word!" she admonished me. "If we were at school, you'd be sent the office. With no recess."

I sucked on my wounded thumb. It was bleeding. I hadn't even started, and I was already injured And cursing.

"Let me get you a Band-Aid. A Frozen one," Natalie said grandly. She left the room while I began pulling out pink and purple pieces.

I cursed again. But it was okay, because Natalie wasn't around.

Seriously though. I paid almost $60. Why wasn't part of it already put together?

Natalie walked in and carefully placed an Olaf Band-Aid on my thumb. "You'll be okay," she told me seriously. She eyed all the pieces. "Can you DO this?"

I frowned. "Of course I can!" Was I teaching her that we needed a man to build stuff? "We don't need a man to build this." We are not a family that believes a man is head of the house or any of that. Girls can do anything boys can do. Except pee standing up.

I picked up the instructions. "Let's begin," I said in what I hoped was a confident voice.

But then I was immediately baffled. The first step had a photo of a piece I couldn't find in the pile of plastic. I dug around as Natalie tore open the bag that contained new dresses.

"My Barbies will LOVE these! They were just telling me to bring in new dresses. They're bored with the ones I have," she explained.

I dug around some more. Where was that confounded piece? Maybe they forgot to put it in?

A curse word played at the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say it. But I looked at Natalie surrounded by new dresses and swallowed it down. I don't want her to say when she's older, "I thought the f-word was a term of endearment growing up because Mom said it so often."

I eventually found the piece.

I began to build.

The thing is, I thought the Barbie mall was going to be small. I had cleaned off a little corner of Natalie's room for it to be stored.

But.

Um.

"Where is this going to go?" I asked Natalie, peering around. We're in base housing, and base housing doesn't have a lot of space. Unless you're high ranking. I lust after the double garage in the higher enlisted area. Could we live off base? Yes. But I break lots of stuff, and if you live on base, you just have to call housing maintenance and someone comes and fixes the problem. For free. It's weird though. Tommy's bedroom is much bigger. Meanwhile, Natalie's room seemed to be built as an afterthought.

I was pleased that I had built the mall on my own, with minimal cursing. I did curse once more, because a piece wouldn't click together as it was promised to do. Then I realized the piece was upside down. Natalie told me, "Use friendly words please," in a prim voice.

Tom popped in and I went, "Look! I did it! Only I didn't realize it was so big."

He gestured to the box. "It says it's 4 feet."

"You know I don't understand math!"

"It..." Tom began, but then stopped because he probably remembered how numbers didn't really make much sense to me. "I would have helped."

"No. I have to do this on my own since you'll be leaving soon," I said diplomatically. He's deploying. Again.

I had to re-arrange Natalie's room. There is no extra space.

I posted this on Instagram, and it made the OCD people crazy. Sorry.

But hey!

I built the Barbie Mall by myself!

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post. Grab the button if you'd like!
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--To want that Play-Doh set that had something shaped like a penis. Apparently it "ruined" Christmas for some families. Seriously?! Uptight people confuse me.


--To have been happy to see my friend Jennifer when she was visiting family. I knew her from when we were in England. She lived across the street from me.


--To think it's funny that people are UPSET that Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey went to jail. Um, she broke the law? As I said before, I feel for her girls, but she deserves to be there. Sorry. Not sad.


--To have gone to see the new Annie over the weekend. It was good, but the original is better. You can see my review here.


--To be happy the kids are back in school. I love them so much, but I appreciate my quiet.


--To sometimes wonder if my husband is a secret agent--and then realize I've just been watching too many episodes of The Blacklist. (If you haven't seen it, you MUST. It's on Netflix.)


--To roll my eyes a bit at the people who post things like, "Why would anyone be happy that their kids are back in school? I love having mine around--always!"


--To have sent Natalie upstairs at regular time on New Year's Eve. Why? She was like this:

Too hyper. And also, I wanted to watch The Blacklist in peace.

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8 Things I Wish People Would Stop Saying To Me

1. You have a lot of hair!

I get this from hair dressers a lot. I have thick, long hair. I know I have a lot of it. I've taken to going, "I do?" when people say this now. If you state the obvious, I get to be sarcastic. Right?


2. Stop drinking Diet Coke. It's so bad for you!

Sure. Okay. I'll stop drinking it. And then turn really, really mean. Diet Coke is how I get my caffeine since I don't like coffee. If I stopped drinking it, my family would beg me to have some after a day. I promise.


3. How can you not love country music?

Well, because a lot of it reminds me of a dying animal. I don't like twangy noises. Mind you, I do like SOME country songs. But would I listen to it all the time? No.


4. Why don't you think Norman Reedus is hot? (He plays Daryl in The Walking Dead.)

I don't know. His face is all squished and his eyes are too small for his face. He doesn't do it for me. You can have him and his arrows. Congrats.


5. Just tell her no!

Someone always says this when I write about how Natalie is being difficult. Just tell her no? Why didn't I think of that? Thank you so much for the fabulous suggestion!


6. Your son is going to resent you when he's older since you had him circumcised.

Is he really? So the fact that I clothed and fed him and kept him alive all those years will mean nothing? Let me go ask my husband. Wait. He says to stop saying things like that, you crazy, crazy Internet people. He does not resent his mother. In fact, he thanks his mother. Worry about the penises you are raising. Thanks!


7. How can you not like Harry Potter?

Levicus nothanktus! That's magic for, "I could not get into the books!" I've tried. Many times.


8. You should not air your dirty laundry online.

I try to watch what I share...however, I'm not going to pretend like my life is sunshine and daisies and chocolate all the time. It's just not who I am. I want people to understand that life isn't perfect. That bad things happen. Drama happens. Life is blunt, and so am I.

The new Annie VS the old Annie

Annie was my favorite movie as a kid.

I watched it so much that I broke the VHS tape. Multiple times.

That goes for my soundtrack as well. Remember the age of the cassette tapes? (If you don't, go away.)

When I heard they were re-making Annie I was like, "Yay!"

But then I heard there would be...changes.

For instance, Annie would not have red hair.

There was no Daddy Warbucks.

And it was set in present day.

Still, I knew I'd have to give it a chance.

I took my kids to see it, and you know, it was still sweet. It still had the heart of the original.

But there were new songs added that made me go:

See, Daddy Warbucks is now Mr. Stacks, played by Jamie Foxx. He's still super rich...but he's just not...he doesn't sing the lovely songs Daddy Warbucks did. For instance, he started singing some song about New York while in a helicopter. It wasn't a good song either.

He also didn't say, "Let's all go to the movies," and buy out the theater. I was insulted.

Also, Miss Hannigan is played by Cameron Diaz. She actually did a good job--but no one can ever do as well as the Carol Burnett.

Also, Miss Hannigan was much meaner in the original:

There also was no ROOSTER in the new Annie:

("Name from the hotel!" "Room service.")

I'm sorry, but Tim Curry belongs in all films.

In the new Annie, there is no Punjab, and Punjab is the best:

I mean, he SAVED Annie with his HAT! I had a few nightmares as a child that someone would chase me up train tracks and try to make me fall from them.

Bottom line? The songs are better in the original.


The new Annie is still sweet and nice though.

Natalie says she gives the movie "a one hundred."

Tommy said the movie was pretty good, and you have to understand, he's 12 and doesn't like much outside of video games.

HOWEVER...they have yet to see the original.

I'll have to rectify that.

I mean, you can't beat singing with the PRESIDENT:

You just can't.